Originally Posted by williamjohnson View Post
I just confronted her. She had been asking me all weekend, "what's wrong?", but it turns out she knew exactly what was wrong. When I started the conversation, she rolled her eyes and said "I knew it was about this."
She told me that she is 100% committed to our marriage and our family, that she doesn't have feelings for him and has not engaged in any inappropriate communications with him, and that she would cut if off if that's what I wanted. She sounded genuine as she said these things.
She also said something to the effect of "I guess this means I can't have male friends," which makes me feel terrible b/c I do not want to be the jealous, controlling type who does not trust his wife. She also talked about how she doesn't have any close friends and that ever since we had the baby she's been yearning for personal time and space.
I guess now it's up to me to believe her and let the feelings of jealousy go. (This is hard to do at the moment.) I have not decided whether to ask her to stop being friends with this guy. What I feel now is still jealousy/anger, but now with a dose of guilt for having (improperly?) accused my wife of wrongdoing. Also a hint of embarrassment for having these emotions in the first place.
Why did she know it would be about this?
Her reaction indicates that there was something there, maybe no fully formed, but I think you were right to suspect and to act.
My wife said something similar to me about a female friend a few years ago and my reaction was to say that I was sorry I had made her feel that way and to back right off without even being asked. That is the normal reaction of a person with a clear conscience.
If she knew what you were going to say then she was conscious of your suffering and had said nothing. Why? Why then react with a classic piece of guilt-tripping if her consience was completely clear?
Don't beat yourself up, I think your instincts were good and you may well be nipping something in the bud. Are you generally a paranoid suspicious sort of person? You don't sound like it, so why doubt your gut now?
Please do yourself a favour and post a thread in the Coping with Infidelity forum. You will get some ranters in there but you will also get some sound advice which will help you through this.
In the meantime follow Ronald Reagan's old adage:
'Trust, but verify.'