Kobo

Stop the passive aggressive stuff. This line of thinking probably has you where you're at now. Would you want your wife to get involved if you got caught up with some woman and didn't know you were on a path to destroying your family? Don't play these games. Read up on boundaries and establish yours. Discuss them with your wife. Look up love languages with your wife and start meeting hers. Talk to your wife about emotional affairs and how they start (After you read up on them). Mainly, become active in your relationship again. Don't sit back passively. She's practically begging you for the attention she gets from him. Bringing this guy to your house and making you feel like the 3rd wheel to the point you retire to your room and let a man you don't know have alone time with your wife in your living room. Bringing him to your Birthday party. Wake up brother.

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“In thy foul throat thou liest.”
― William Shakespeare, Richard III

williamjohnson

Grr. Problem with this plan is it doesn't help the feelings go away, it actually stirs them up even more.

Beowulf

Would she approve of you text flirting with another woman? Or even texting another woman all weekend while you were with her?

bubbly girl

Don't beat around the bush. Just tell her to stop, and it is not acceptable for a married woman to be such close friends with a man who is not her husband, and will lead to problems in the marriage. It's already causing problems. You of course have to abide by the same rules. No close female friends.

Bottled Up

Never ever ever leave your wife alone with another man again. Ever. This creates an environment that you condone a situation of them spending one-on-one time with each other and subliminally communicates to your wife that you are not protective enough of her.

You need to take over this relationship like this man is a territory invader and you are the strong alpha protecting his turf. Because, that's exactly what is happening right now.

Never ever condone a situation where your wife gets to spend time alone with this guy, or any other guy for that matter.

Halien

Now that's where it truly is getting really awkward. Me, I'm old school. When I sense that its getting awkward, I would just tell HIM that its time for HIM to leave. There is a difference between respecting her privacy and implicitly supporting a relationship.

that_girl

Yea, the whole thing about him at your house and you felt awkward...IN YOUR OWN HOME!?

Holy crap.

Never. Your wife should have said, "it's getting late" and shown him out when she noticed you were going to bed.
But no, she had a date with him!
Seriously.

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F-102

You let her be alone with him when you went to bed
You're refusing to take action to protect your marriage
You're afraid of appearing controlling
You backed down when she tried to make you the bad guy

So, basically, you just gave her the keys to have an affair.

__________________
"All of us get lost in the darkness...
...Dreamers learn to steer by the stars"

Lon

William, like the other commenters are saying, it is time you step up and be controlling of the marital boundaries. Your W did give you a test when she said "I guess I can't have male friends" your answer should be "correct, you already have a male companion that you have made vows to" she was testing you to confirm if you are as "beta" as she thinks you are. She will never admit it, but she does want you to be controlling, she wants you to be possessive of her (in a respectful manner of course) - if you aren't you will come to regret it.

Of course, in the real world we have all have male and female acquaintances and it is acceptable to enjoy those interactions, it is not acceptable to start forming strong emotional bonds to someone of the opposite sex when you are in a committed relationship. She is not only on a slippery slope, she has lost her footing, you need to act boldly here, stop asking more questions on this board just go get your W and do something fun together, have a date, leave your phones at home and go make love.

williamjohnson

Maybe I'm just crazy, but the notion of forbidding my wife to do something strikes me as old fashioned. I might just be a fool...but I feel it's not in my principles to act like I have dominion over a woman. Even though it felt absolutely awful to leave them alone and go to bed by myself, I also saw it as a chance for her to recognize how uncomfortable I felt and to do something about it (she failed that test).

She knows how I feel and the ball is in her court. Is this weak of me? Should I be more of a "man" and tell her what to do and also give this guy a piece of my mind? I want to do those things, but still, my principles are holding me back. I am currently drinking some whiskey. At 11am.

bandit.45

The metrosexual mindset strikes again....

Goldmember357

qft

CandieGirl

My H would be bagging his texting fingers in a ziplock with ice, and taking them to get reattached at the fricken' hospital...FUME!!!

that_girl

Let me tell you a personal story of my life 10/11 years ago.

I was in a craptastic relationship. There was a child involved. We were not in love but we were committed. Looking back, I should have never been with him...just because I had a child with him, didn't mean I had to deal with him. Hindsight and all...

ANYway...

We had mutual friends. A couple. They were an odd couple...fought a lot but had been dating for 6 years (at that time).

Well, the woman of the couple was always too tired to go out. My mate was always too busy....so my mate and the other woman would just say, "You two should go out and have fun." or "Call up N. Maybe you guys can hang out, I have work to do." or "See what TG is up to, N....I'm tired. Go out with her."

So in the beginning it was friendship. We'd just hang out around other friends.

It was innocent and fun. He was a great guy. We talked about school and the news and religion and it was stimulating. I woudl talk about N to everyone. how smart he was, how talented, how funny....blah blah LOL

Then we started to make plans alone. Still, nothing physical happened. It was just fun. I really liked him. We'd been friends for 3 years. I never thought of him other than just who he was.

Then one night at his house, after listening to his brilliant music (a musician like my mate), we went out for a smoke and I had the most incredible urge to throw myself in to his arms....so i left. I ran to my care, mid cigarette, and took off. Scared ****less of what just happened inside of me.

And it was amazing.

I didn't ignore it or put it out. I was not happy at home...at all. My mate was emotionally abusive, verbally abusive and I feared him. NOT excuses, just what it was and I was too weak to leave at first.

So my friend and I kept hanging out. Mate got suspicious all of a sudden. I stopped talking about N. I stopped bringing up his name. STILL nothing physical happened...but i wanted it to.

Then one night, I was leaving to go out, my one night a week to go out (I was 24, he was 26...he went out most nights without me...) and i said that I couldn't wait because I had to "meet someone".

My mate said, "Since when did N become "someone""?

Busted.

On Christmas Day night, after a long day at mate's mom's house (omg....lol) he knew I had to go. And I went in search of my friend (days before phones).

We found each other and hung out and kissed that night.

My point is, things can start out innocent...but take a turn. I know now I should have left my mate before taking things further with this man. I learned a TON from that time of my life and have never cheated on anyone ever since. Even if I wanted to. I just didn't put myself in that situation after that.

So, people here can say "oh they're just friends"...which is true...they are...but...isn't that how dating starts? Just becoming close friends?

yep.

I do have male friends, like I've said. But no new once since meeting Hubs. I see no point. My old male friends are 2nd fiddle to my man and they respect the boundaries of friendship.

This dude DOES NOT respect your marriage or he wouldn't be taking up so much of your wife's time.

Don't be fooled. I was fooled. I fooled myself. It was UNREAL how fast that crap took off.

i don't regret it though. It was the only person I ever loved...before meeting Hubs--- Hubs blew that memory out of the freaking water!

ETA: I left my mate a month later...best decision I ever made, even if I was struggling with raising my child. N and I never had sex O.o Nope. We were just in love...a childish and crazy love. Sex was just not happening bceause of issues I had with mate.

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bubbly girl

This is your marriage and your life too. Don't leave the ball in her court to do something stupid that will destroy your marriage. Take control of how you want things to go.

There should be respect in marriage, and she's not respecting you. There is nothing wrong with protecting your marriage, and insisting that she stop something that is hurting your marriage. It's not old fashioned.