Always go with your feelings. Your gut instinct is there for a reason. I will never have a male friend that is close enough for me to be texting all the time. I would consider that an EA. I would not approve of my husband doing that either. Tell your wife that "NO" she should not be close enough to the opposite sex to text them all the time. "NO" she can not have male friends that are that close, and you won't have any female friends that are that close.
If I did anything that made my husband uncomfortable and jeopardized the trust in my marriage, I would stop immediately if my husband told me. I value him above all others. After all he is my life partner. I wouldn't want to do something that I know hurts him.
Maybe I'm just crazy, but the notion of forbidding my wife to do something strikes me as old fashioned. I might just be a fool...but I feel it's not in my principles to act like I have dominion over a woman. Even though it felt absolutely awful to leave them alone and go to bed by myself, I also saw it as a chance for her to recognize how uncomfortable I felt and to do something about it (she failed that test).
She knows how I feel and the ball is in her court. Is this weak of me? Should I be more of a "man" and tell her what to do and also give this guy a piece of my mind? I want to do those things, but still, my principles are holding me back. I am currently drinking some whiskey. At 11am.
It’s supposed to come natural. You know like that old grey back guerrilla. The “Don’t mess with me or my woman” signals he sends out without saying a word.
The feeling you’re supposed to get in these situations is like your spine has metamorphosed into steel. Your head goes up and your back goes straight and the guy just says “It’s time I was off” because of the signals you send out in times like these even though you may try and hide them.
But such is your naivety in these things you don’t even believe you have to fight for your woman. You couldn’t be more wrong.
You are getting excellent advice here and yet you seem in some way to scorn it. Even though you were the one who started the thread.
Maybe I'm just crazy, but the notion of forbidding my wife to do something strikes me as old fashioned. I might just be a fool...but I feel it's not in my principles to act like I have dominion over a woman. Even though it felt absolutely awful to leave them alone and go to bed by myself, I also saw it as a chance for her to recognize how uncomfortable I felt and to do something about it (she failed that test).
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If the notion of forbidding your wife to do something strikes you as odd, why are you here? Let her dictate how far this relationship goes. She's an adult, and if sleeping with him is her choice, who are you to forbid it?
Well, maybe forbidding her to sleep with him isn't old fashioned yet, I guess? If not, is kissing him okay? Sending him nude pictures of herself?
I think you've probably drawn some pretty heavy duty lines so far. Most of us draw the line well before sleeping with another person. I'd suggest that the problem is that the two of you probably never really discussed where that actual line is...???
Maybe I'm just crazy, but the notion of forbidding my wife to do something strikes me as old fashioned. I might just be a fool...but I feel it's not in my principles to act like I have dominion over a woman. Even though it felt absolutely awful to leave them alone and go to bed by myself, I also saw it as a chance for her to recognize how uncomfortable I felt and to do something about it (she failed that test).
She knows how I feel and the ball is in her court. Is this weak of me? Should I be more of a "man" and tell her what to do and also give this guy a piece of my mind? I want to do those things, but still, my principles are holding me back. I am currently drinking some whiskey. At 11am.
Yes that is weak of you. Right now you know that the Guy is trying to get in your wife's panties, and you gave him alone time?!? You are acting like his b!itch. Maybe the thought of him laughing at you while being inside your wife will get you to act. Read up on Manning Up, setting boundaries, and the 180. Go to the Married Man Sex Life website and read up. You need a mix of Both alpha and beta to keep your wife happy. Remember that your wife has already shown that she is receptive to the attention. This Guy has no honor and will not stop without your wife stopping things. Do not beg or plead, but set firm boundaries of acceptable behavior with your wife. Posted via Mobile Device
My husband would be so bored if he read my texts. Besides texting him, I text my girl friends and we share stupid jokes, recipes, gripes about our day and the occasional STFU, betch.
Oh, my goodness, yes. When I went through a suspicious phase with my wife I keylogged her laptop and the endless talk with her friends about what were wearing, what TV shows they were watching, and what cakes they were baking was enough to make me almost long for some juicy flirting in there.
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Originally Posted by williamjohnson
She also talked about how she doesn't have any close friends and that ever since we had the baby she's been yearning for personal time and space.
Women who've just had babies want help with their babies and support from their husbands.
But that aside, what she has given you is a clearly conflicting message. On the one hand she says she wants personal space. On the other hand she complains about a lack of close friends. Those two things are contradictory. What this is code for is, "Leave me alone so that I can get much closer to this guy without you interfering".
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Originally Posted by williamjohnson
I know some women would want me to "fight" for them, but I didn't sign up for fighting. I shouldn't have to fight.
Yes, you did and yes, you do. You just don't know it yet.
Hey, I didn't sign up for being born, but I'm here now, so I might as well make the best of it. You signed up for all the crap women can dish out to men, because you are with a woman. She doesn't stop being a woman just because you don't want to accept her crap.
(P.S. Yes, I know that men dish out crap, too).
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Originally Posted by williamjohnson
Maybe I'm just crazy, but the notion of forbidding my wife to do something strikes me as old fashioned.
It might be old-fashioned, but you know what? Marriages used to be a lot more stable than they are today.
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Originally Posted by williamjohnson
I might just be a fool...but I feel it's not in my principles to act like I have dominion over a woman.
Your wife wants a man to have dominion over her--to an extent. If you won't be that man, another one will be, guaranteed.
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Originally Posted by williamjohnson
Even though it felt absolutely awful to leave them alone and go to bed by myself, I also saw it as a chance for her to recognize how uncomfortable I felt and to do something about it (she failed that test).
She failed your test? I thought you didn't believe in tests? And what penalty did she suffer for failing that test? Oh, yeah, nothing. She continued to have contact with this man.
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Originally Posted by williamjohnson
She knows how I feel and the ball is in her court. Is this weak of me? Should I be more of a "man" and tell her what to do and also give this guy a piece of my mind? I want to do those things, but still, my principles are holding me back. I am currently drinking some whiskey. At 11am.
Your principles are not holding you back. People stray and they need bringing back in course. No one is perfect. Stop giving your wife enough rope to hang herself. Your tests reflect those of a man who is afraid of betrayal and so pushes the limit of his relationship's endurance to see if he will be betrayed. You will be, because people are not perfect. Stop expecting your wife to be perfect.
A marriage is a partnership. Now is your time to step up to the plate and help your wife through a difficult time that she doesn't even realize that she is having. You see the warning signs, she doesn't. It's your job to protect her, just like she should do if she saw warning signs for something threatening the relationship.
For goodness sake, do a search for the No More Mister Nice Guy PDF on this site and read it today. Check out the MMSL blog, too.
Maybe I'm just crazy, but the notion of forbidding my wife to do something strikes me as old fashioned. I might just be a fool...but I feel it's not in my principles to act like I have dominion over a woman. Even though it felt absolutely awful to leave them alone and go to bed by myself, I also saw it as a chance for her to recognize how uncomfortable I felt and to do something about it (she failed that test).
She knows how I feel and the ball is in her court. Is this weak of me? Should I be more of a "man" and tell her what to do and also give this guy a piece of my mind? I want to do those things, but still, my principles are holding me back. I am currently drinking some whiskey. At 11am.
If old fashioned is offensive to you, why did you get married in the first place? So she failed your test, what consequences does she now face? to me those consequences would be 1) no more texting this guy. If you don't set this boundary she will just keep texting him, maybe sexting, maybe even meet up for kissing/making out/screwing eventually because your inaction says you either have no boundary or else don't care about it.
So be controlling (as she has basically outright told you is a reasonable consequence) set this boundary, no more texting if she refuses then no more cell phone, if she refuses then you separate your finances, but if you get to that point and she still is unwavering then you have pretty much lost her already. IMO this is your opportunity to get things straight but it requires some courage on your part to be assertive, my hunch is she is just waiting for you to take some control and stand up for your needs, if you do she will react in a way that you can't even fathom right now because you have bought into the feminist myth of the modern man.
She knows how I feel and the ball is in her court. Is this weak of me?
Yes it is weak of you, because you are communicating to your wife that you don't want to take any responsibility and put the entire load on her shoulders to control the destiny of your relationship entirely by herself. You also seem to lack intimate understanding and respect for the underlying primal nature of both men and women and how the primal instincts can take over in a bad way if not kept in check occasionally.
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Originally Posted by williamjohnson
Should I be more of a "man" and tell her what to do and also give this guy a piece of my mind? I want to do those things, but still, my principles are holding me back.
In this particular situation, your wife needs you to step up as a man and dominate the situation. You don't have to dominate your relationship always, but this is a pure and simple a primal territorial battle going on between two men over one woman and you are not stepping up to fight him off. By leaving them alone and submitting to your wife all the time, you are already exhibiting too much beta traits in your routine and this guy may be bringing the alpha traits that your wife desires and needs to balance out her own life. Basically, she is filling her needs with another guy because you aren't upholding on your end. Her primal instincts are starting to take over from her logical side, so don't think for a second that she can shake the affair fog on her own without your help. You need to step in and save your marriage, pronto.
Listen to it. Your not being irrational, paranoid, etc. your gut is sending up warning flares and you need to listen.
You aren't a controlling evil husband , you aren't trying to lock her away in a tower.
You are defending your marriage from a man who is worming his way into your wife's emotional inner circle.
Your wife even realizes it, but she loves the attention, and she right now believes she won't go there. Trouble is, like a coke addict they believe they can just stop.
Your gut is telling you this, but your so afraid of listening to it that you are fighting yourself.
Please don't fail your wife or your marriage. This is when you mos need to stand up and make a stand. Posted via Mobile Device
Who puts this much energy into a relationship with a woman if you're not looking to get into her pants? Anyone? Back of the room? No, just stretching, huh...Nobody?
Nobody is right. Just ask your wife if she realizes that this friend just wants a F-buddy. Is she OK with that? Is she so lonely that she will string along a horn-dog just for someone to talk to?
Somehow I don't think she's that naive. She knows it and likes it. If she hasn't lived it yet, she's fantasized about it.
Just man-up and DEMAND that she hand you her phone next time she's chatting. But pick the right moment. If she's being obvious about it, she's looking for you to ask during an "innocent" conversation.
Better yet: Demand her phone then compare it to the cell bill and see how much she deletes.
William when your drunken stupor is over just start back at the beginning of this thread and keep reading it over and over until this advice begins to sink in. I know your modern man sensitivities are holding you back from confronting this head on but let's face it your wife is on a slippery slope and you are not throwing her any kind of rope.
Do not ever allow these two to be alone again! Especially in your own house. You want to know what that guy was thinking when you left your wife alone with him in your own house. He thought "wow what a Pu$$y". Do you want to know why things were so comfortable at the birthday party? Because he knows he is alpha, your beta and you have accepted it. Think about it.
Exactly. It was comfortable at the bday party because OM knows you won't do anything! He's no longer concerned. It was awkward at first because OM knows he wants to bang your wife and thought you'd do something about it. But you didn't.
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Re: Worried my wife is cheating 
