My wife teaches at a local college, and recently she has befriended a male former student. He's an adult student, so he's actually only a few years younger than her.
Anyway, the two have become fast friends. I know they have exchanged lots of emails and have noticed that she has been texting a lot lately, something she never did in the past. She also talks about him more than she does most her other friends, just in passing. "Bob said said we should try Californication" or "Bob just told me about the time he got too drunk at a bar".
I assume their texts are flirty. Why? I don't really know how two people of the opposite sex could/would text frequently without being flirty. Maybe a bad assumption on my part?
I have no firm evidence of anything wrong. It's all just suspicion. I don't want to be the kind of guy who snoops through her emails or texts, so I haven't done that yet. I know it would be wrong to do so. If something is indeed going on, I don't yet suspect a full-blown affair, just the beginnings of an "emotional" affair.
I don't think of my wife as the cheating type and have never before thought she was cheating. In fact, she's made new male friends before that I've had no problem with. The difference this time is all the texting and talking about him.
So what do you think? Do I confront her? Do I just let it go? Am I wrong for being suspicious?
She's having an emotional affair. Google what that is.
it's in the beginning stages, so she talks about him...bceause she's giddy about him. She likes him so she can't help but talk about him!
It's probably just flirty AT THE MOMENT...but will get more intimate and sexual soon...and then she'll stop talking about him because of guilt. She'll barely mention him and you'll think he's gone away, but no...
I think if she was cheating with him she would not be openly talking about him with you. I could be wrong but it sounds like they are just good buddies. However, the insular and parochial environment of the college system is a perfect incubator for adultery.
If you are concerned, then be open with your wife and tell her what your boundaries are. If she loves you, and nothing is going on, she will adhere to them.
The constant texting is troubling. She should be texting you more than anyone else! Check her e-mails and Facebook account if you can get into them. If she balks at giving you her access passwords, then that may aso be another alarm.
There is program called a keylogger that you can install on to the computer she uses to find out what she is typing, without her knowing it. If her phone has a computer sync, you could try downloading her text messages while she is in the shower, and taking a look at them.
Lots of advice will follow from the other posters. Remember, don't confront your wife about anything until you have lots of proof she is up to something. If you do find incriminating texts, don't jump at confrontation immediately. Be cool, wait, and gather as much evidence as you can.
If she is innocent, accusing her without facts could damage your marriage.
I don't think of my wife as the cheating type and have never before thought she was cheating. In fact, she's made new male friends before that I've had no problem with. The difference this time is all the texting and talking about him.
We all thought this about our wayward spouses before we caught them the first time.
I think if she was cheating with him she would not be openly talking about him with you. I could be wrong but it sounds like they are just good buddies. However, the insular and parochial environment of the college system is a perfect incubator for adultery.
You are wrong about that...
In the beginning of emotional affairs, many people dont' even know they are in them. They talk about the person because they like them, they are friends, but there's a giddiness and a crush going on. They cannot help but talk about them to anyone and everyone, including their spouse. They also hope by talking about them, they won't feel so guilty about hiding things because hey, they told their spouse about them!
But then....the name drops away...and things start to change. that's when the emotional affair really takes off.
It's a pattern. believe it or not, but it's usually how it plays out.
He doesn't have to confront and accuse her. he can, however, say how much it bothers him that she's so preoccupied with this person. If she flips out on him, he'll know she is thinking of the OM as something more than a friend.
The constant texting is troubling. She should be texting you more than anyone else! Check her e-mails and Facebook account if you can get into them. If she balks at giving you her access passwords, then that may aso be another alarm.
There is program called a keylogger that you can install on to the computer she uses to find out what she is typing, without her knowing it. If her phone has a computer sync, you could try downloading her text messages while she is in the shower, and taking a look at them.
Lots of advice will follow from the other posters. Remember, don't confront your wife about anything until you have lots of proof she is up to something. If you do find incriminating texts, don't jump at confrontation immediately. Be cool, wait, and gather as much evidence as you can.
If she is innocent, accusing her without facts could damage your marriage.
I think snooping in her email/texts is crossing the line, and I'd rather not resort to that.
whatever may be happening behind the scenes, its obvious that what she is doing on the surface is disrespectful to you and your marriage. i personally would not tolerate it one bit. i dont try to tell my wife who to be friends with but the examples she has passed on to you about their conversations are way out of bounds. how can she not see it?
I think snooping in her email/texts is crossing the line, and I'd rather not resort to that.
As a married man, I think that repeated texting, and possibly sexting, is crossing the line. Hope my wife wouldn't resort to that.
You could sit beside her tonight and ask to see her text history. Seriously, if she respects your concerns, she'll let you see everything and end the texting to him.
I think snooping in her email/texts is crossing the line, and I'd rather not resort to that.
I suggest you read the forum dedicated to Infidelity and see if you change your mind. You can continue being passive if you want but I guarantee "Bob" has his target set squarly between your wife's thighs. Your wife mentioning him is begging you to take notice and stand-up for her. Right now you pretending thet you're not jealous/concerned of the time and energy she is spending on Bob is doing you a disservice.
As a married man, I think that repeated texting, and possibly sexting, is crossing the line. Hope my wife wouldn't resort to that.
You could sit beside her tonight and ask to see her text history. Seriously, if she respects your concerns, she'll let you see everything and end the texting to him.
My husband would be so bored if he read my texts. Besides texting him, I text my girl friends and we share stupid jokes, recipes, gripes about our day and the occasional STFU, betch.
I suggest you read the forum dedicated to Infidelity and see if you change your mind. You can continue being passive if you want but I guarantee "Bob" has his target set squarly between your wife's thighs. Your wife mentioning him is begging you to take notice and stand-up for her. Right now you pretending thet you're not jealous/concerned of the time and energy she is spending on Bob is doing you a disservice.
Stop sitting there on the sidelines and be the man in your relationship. Protect your marriage. Remind her of your vows.
Sometimes it's not about each other, but about the sanctity of your marriage...which is much bigger than the two of you.
Ask her if she does anything with him (talking wise) that she wouldn't do with you/in front of you...see if she blushes. lol.
I think snooping in her email/texts is crossing the line, and I'd rather not resort to that.
I think a married couple should have full access to each others emails/texts. If a spouse has a problem with it and claims invasion of privacy, they usually have something to hide.
I just confronted her. She had been asking me all weekend, "what's wrong?", but it turns out she knew exactly what was wrong. When I started the conversation, she rolled her eyes and said "I knew it was about this."
She told me that she is 100% committed to our marriage and our family, that she doesn't have feelings for him and has not engaged in any inappropriate communications with him, and that she would cut if off if that's what I wanted. She sounded genuine as she said these things.
She also said something to the effect of "I guess this means I can't have male friends," which makes me feel terrible b/c I do not want to be the jealous, controlling type who does not trust his wife. She also talked about how she doesn't have any close friends and that ever since we had the baby she's been yearning for personal time and space.
I guess now it's up to me to believe her and let the feelings of jealousy go. (This is hard to do at the moment.) I have not decided whether to ask her to stop being friends with this guy. What I feel now is still jealousy/anger, but now with a dose of guilt for having (improperly?) accused my wife of wrongdoing. Also a hint of embarrassment for having these emotions in the first place.
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Worried my wife is cheating 
