I play online games like WoW and raid because I get to know people, and because frankly when I don't pour myself into a game like that late at night my HD hits the wall that is my wife's LD and it leads us to frustration.
So yeah I raid 3 nights a week, and play often times other nights.
I play online games like WoW and raid because I get to know people, and because frankly when I don't pour myself into a game like that late at night my HD hits the wall that is my wife's LD and it leads us to frustration.
So yeah I raid 3 nights a week, and play often times other nights.
Wouldn't it be better to pour yourself into your marriage? I don't understand how hiding in make believe worlds with a bunch of other people probably in the same situation would be considered a solution?
I don't know how it is in your case, but my wife never indicated to me she was having any issues, even when I asked. As she spent more and more time in the game, the kids got worried I forced the issue about why she was retreating in the game. Turns out she was "Getting to Know" people too and had an EA/PA.
I know now I'll never go out with a WOW type Gamer after my D goes through. If someone is investing that much time in a game it indicates a possible avoidance personality, I'll never go through that situation again.
My wife and I are about to start seeing a therapist, we've both read many books on the topic and spent countless hours talking and talking about this issue. (We have been married nearly 15 years). Believe me, all we do is go over topics we've covered many times over. Just so you know in general my wife and I spend at least 30-60 minutes a day talking about stuff in life in general (not just about who is going to drive which kid where or which chores to do).
Communication isn't the issue, just the chasm in differences sexually.
Video games just give me a place where I can pour in my energy so that every night I'm not struggling with do I ask again only to be rejected or resisted yet again... and again... and again... night after night after night because basically she has no interest in sex (never has).
So rather than fight, we talk each night then I go off to raid half of the week so that the rest of the time she's more open to at least cuddling (no she really doesn't like much physical contact at all).
My wife and I are about to start seeing a therapist, we've both read many books on the topic and spent countless hours talking and talking about this issue. (We have been married nearly 15 years). Believe me, all we do is go over topics we've covered many times over. Just so you know in general my wife and I spend at least 30-60 minutes a day talking about stuff in life in general (not just about who is going to drive which kid where or which chores to do).
Communication isn't the issue, just the chasm in differences sexually.
Video games just give me a place where I can pour in my energy so that every night I'm not struggling with do I ask again only to be rejected or resisted yet again... and again... and again... night after night after night because basically she has no interest in sex (never has).
So rather than fight, we talk each night then I go off to raid half of the week so that the rest of the time she's not feeling more open to at least cuddling (no she really doesn't like much physical contact at all).
At least you and her talk, I really hope you guys figure a way out of this. Myself, I never even had a chance, when I finally got her to talk she said she " wanted out", gave no definitive reasons and left three days later. Found out before Christmas there was an OM from WOW.
From what I know now these EA's are pretty common on video games like WOW, the spouse often up and walks out leaving the kids, house and belongings all behind for someone they've been playing the game with. It's a reality that's seems even more far fetched than the game
I work from home and my wife is a housewife, so we talk on and off all day. We also spend time together as a family from when work ends until the kids are all tucked in (3 hours there). On non-raid nights we do stuff together until bedtime. It's just that for 3-4 nights a week we don't go to bed at the same time (though she either sits in the same room reading, or in sight of each other in the next room over).
So we spend time together it's just that for us, gaming actually helps us with our different sex drives.
I work from home and my wife is a housewife, so we talk on and off all day. We also spend time together as a family from when work ends until the kids are all tucked in (3 hours there). On non-raid nights we do stuff together until bedtime. It's just that for 3-4 nights a week we don't go to bed at the same time (though she either sits in the same room reading, or in sight of each other in the next room over).
So we spend time together it's just that for us, gaming actually helps us with our different sex drives.
That's pretty much what our routine was like, only I had a home office and she worked. Her computer was across the room from me and we would talk back and forth a lot while she was playing in the evening. I was glad she found something she liked doing at first, but it gradually removed her from our lives. The trouble started when we moved her computer was moved upstairs ( it was in front of a draughty window). She got heavier into the raids, vent and her guild, it all went south from there.
You're right, it can become a problem. Friendships get made, phone numbers get exchanged. It happens for certain.
In my case I keep things transparent. I have two online female friends (as well as a number of other male friends), both live over one thousand miles away. I've never met them IRL, and my wife has spoken to both directly on the phone (since I gave them both my home number). When I talk to them I do so with my wife in the room when she's home, and if she's not I let her know that one of the women called and basically what we talked about (in a nutshell).
I don't talk about anything sexual at all... on vent/mumble, chatting or on the phone ever. I think that's an important line to keep. In fact even with my male friends I don't talk about the sorts of things I talk about here on TAM.
For me it's mostly just a chance to meet new people, laugh and tell some jokes.... but that's just me. It's tough when you have kids to have any sort of social life. Basically for me I'm not generally free to do much until after the kids are in bed... and not much happens in my little city past 9pm.
I have no issues with my husband playing video games. I actually enjoy playing with him!! It's just when he neglects certain responsibilities such as: renewing his driver's lic., getting a new social security card, going to the doctor's to get his prescriptions renewed.. because he'd rather play video games after work.. THAT is when we have problems.
I know it is a case of "to each his own" but I have never been into video games. I just don't have time. I watch very little TV (except during the NCAA tournament) There is too much music to rehearse, too many good books to read, and I spend most of the other spare time I have doing something with my wife. I would rather spend time with her than just about anything.
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The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
I know it is a case of "to each his own" but I have never been into video games. I just don't have time. I watch very little TV (except during the NCAA tournament) There is too much music to rehearse, too many good books to read, and I spend most of the other spare time I have doing something with my wife. I would rather spend time with her than just about anything.
I am with you as far as TV goes, we don't have cable in the home and our rabbit ears only pickup PBS for the kids (on purpose). I used to say that I don't have time for TV, but that's a bit of a misnomer. It's not that I don't have time for TV, because clearly if I have time for books/video games I have time for TV. It's that I don't make it a priority, and other things consume the hours I could otherwise spend watching TV.
What I'm trying to say is: it's all about what you prioritize, unless you have to work multiple jobs around the clock and literally have no time.
As others have stated video games can be very addicting. I know that earlier in my marriage there was a time when I was so disappointed with things that I threw myself into playing games far more than was healthy. I had to make a clean break from games for quite a while, and since coming back I have set guidelines for how much time I play so that my family/work life don't suffer. In the end gaming can be an addiction though like drinking, gambling, etc... You have to be very careful with it, they are designed to draw you in.
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Re: video games? 
