Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...) - Page 4
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Men's Clubhouse » Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-25-2009, 01:59 PM   #46 (permalink)
Member
 
sirch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sweet Home Alabama
Posts: 200
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

Happy birthday snix11! I hope everything goes well today for ya.
__________________
"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her"
sirch is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-25-2009, 02:40 PM   #47 (permalink)
Member
 
snix11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 1,231
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

Why thank you. Just when you thought it was safe to turn off.. .sigh

hubby calls up and actually SINGS me happy birthday - Bill Murray style. awwwwww. Said he wanted to take me out to the health club tonight to soak my sprained ankle and his tired body - he's been using the jack hammer all day at work, then even offered to take me to dinner.

yes, i know.. don't hold out any expectations i guess... last time i got all dressed up and ready he stood me up. Dress up or not? oh why not.. if he stands me up i'll take the kids out by ourselves
snix11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2009, 04:45 PM   #48 (permalink)
Registered User
 
StillStanding's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 29
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA!

Since March will not be "Kick His A$$ to The Curb Month" could it be "You are Just My Roomate, Clean Up after yourself, Feed Yourself, Do Yourself Month"?

What about "Kick His A$$ out the BED Month"?
StillStanding is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2009, 08:56 AM   #49 (permalink)
Member
 
snix11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 1,231
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

Why yes, still standing I think it will... not only that but, if you don't want me, I'll find someone who will

Now I just need to find a way to TELL him without sounding like a bit*h but only like a reasonable woman who wants to take care of herself and be loved. suggestions?

Yesterday he offered to take me to the health club to soak in the hot tub. (good sexy memories for us from when we were dating) I accepted and got ready for that (not an easy feat with the sprained ankle) then he takes a shower at home and says he doesn't want to go. ok, so i unpack everything and shower here.
Put on a brand new pretty sundress, did my hair different, extra special make up. He didn't mention it. The kids however were like "wow mom, you look BEAUTIFUL!!" at least the kids notice. lol.

Asked him to zip me up. "sure" zip. no kiss on the neck or anything. well ok. we went to dinner and he talked about the kids and his work. just good friends. He opened the door for me on the way in, but the waiter had to get my chair.

He asked me while we were there if I'd like to do anything afterwards - I said is there anything you want to do? He said 'no, not really, this is your night honey, lets do what you want to'.

So I took a chance and said - yes, stud... you... in my sexiest voice. He said "that sounds great". After dinner we drove to this place called planet K which is kind of a head shop and insense seller. It's where I get my gonish insense and he said I could pick out a present. I picked out two new types of insense. He said 'is that all you want?" I just smiled and said everything else I need is you honey." the clerk smiled and said he was a lucky man. When we got into the car he said he was very sorry but he was really tired and we came straight home. Did he expect me to pick someting else out at the store? they had some gag gifts (not my style) insense (i got some) books (I don't grow hemp) and some gag sex gifts (he takes those to his friends parties and to events - like a penis squirt gun he fills with either booze or milk) and why would i want that? I feel I was missing something, but not sure what. He gave me a few 'birthday spankings' earlier in play then offered to use his belt on me to give me the rest. I just said for him to remember HIS birthday was coming up the end of march and to give only as much as he wanted to get. lol.

he went to bed when we got home. no cuddle, no kiss on the cheek, just him saying he was glad i had a great birthday and goodnight hun. He then rolled over and read his book. Where did I go wrong?

Note that nothing he did was mean, or spiteful or angry. But neither was it anything more than a roommate or a kind relative. He makes these motions like he want a relationship - singing to me over the phone, taking me to dinner, asking what i want to do after - but then he either doesn't follow thru, or keeps it at a 'safe' distance (like over the phone).

Frankly, I'm just sick of waiting for him. I don't hate him, I'm not even angry any more - just tired and ready to be treated like a woman
snix11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2009, 09:58 AM   #50 (permalink)
Registered User
 
StillStanding's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 29
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

Quote:
Originally Posted by snix11 View Post
Now I just need to find a way to TELL him without sounding like a bit*h but only like a reasonable woman who wants to take care of herself and be loved. suggestions?
SHOW HIM better than you can tell him. He wants a roomate, then be just the roomate, you dont have to be friends just civil.

I would introduce him as "my roomate...." or "my friend...."
As your roomate he needs his own room, or somewhere else to sleep besides in bed with you. He can do his own laundry, make his own meals, and get himself off, you dont need to be involved in any of that. Dont call him any pet names, or do anything that he cant do for himself. Dont play those role playing games, board games or anything with him. Dont be home everytime he gets off of work, it predictable he expects that. Take the kids out or for a ride. You need to take the focus off of him.

That will give you plenty of time to free yourself up to take care of you. Wine and dine yourself, take yourself to the movies, let him be the babysitter. You might think its silly to go out alone, but its no more silly than living alone with someone living with you. I think you have been stepped on long enough, its time for you to step up and take back your life.
StillStanding is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2009, 06:19 PM   #51 (permalink)
Member
 
snix11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 1,231
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

Sounds good and all this logic out of a pregnant woman

At the party this weekend, I'm going to introduce him as my friend. He probably won't even notice, but I will. lol.

He has encouraged me for MONTHS to go out and do things by myself or with friends or (get this) even to go find people to have sex with. I held off because I figured the only reason he was suggesting it was so that he could have an excuse to leave the relationship by saying "see, she's going out...."

But now, fine. If he can't or won't commit to us, no reason for me to stick around expecting him to come around just because I'm being nice, sweet, romantic, sexy, available and willing.. huh
snix11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2009, 09:32 AM   #52 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 71
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

I agree to say nothing to him. Most men will not tell you the truth and it will be harder to find out what he is doing. You could put a GPS on his vehicle, hire a PI like Mark said, etc. You will find out more by watching and waiting for him to slip up. Usually when you have a bad feeling that something is going on, you are probably right.
LucyInSC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2009, 10:07 AM   #53 (permalink)
Member
 
T-Dub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Posts: 49
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

Sometimes your gut feeling is always right unfortunately. Check his ATM records, his gas card record, text, phone, any strange phone
calls at night?
T-Dub is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2009, 12:04 PM   #54 (permalink)
Member
 
snix11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 1,231
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

nah - whatever he is doing, i think he's waiting for me to 'cheat' first before he makes his move. and he is encouraging me to do so and has been for the last year.

I think he's getting impatient for me to 'leave' the relationship so that he can. Cowards way out if you ask me, but oh well.
snix11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2009, 09:54 PM   #55 (permalink)
Member
 
MrsVain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: here
Posts: 214
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

wow, you definately have a very strange relastionship right from the start. i dont agree with all you have said, open relationships and living like he is a roommate , not actually getting married and all that, so i might be way off here.

i am also having the same problem with my husband. which is what caught my attention on your post. my husband works 4am to 4pm. he has left as early as 2am. WTF we dont have traffic, we live 5 minutes from his job. he gets picked up and dropped off since his dwi last year. And yes, i think he is cheating on me.

personally i dont know any other reason to leave so early. yes, he might be avoiding spending time at home, but who cares. it still hurts. and he is still letting you down.

As far as your promises, i am also like that. i rairly brake a promise. but in this case, it is just a foolish excuse to stay with him. Some times you just have to break a promise, no matter what. You can promise your best friend you will not tell anyone her secrets but if you find out her dad is having sex with her, you tell for her own good. Such as in your case, since he is treating you like a door mat, and you are not legally married you really should leave him. i am all for staying for the kids and trying to make it work. but i worry that this is damaging you. if you think he is getting impatient for you to leave, then leave. i am not sure what is holding you there, promise or no promise. if he doesnt want you to go to his play thing, it is for a reason. i cant believe he would shut you out like that after you telling him, hey we had a great time, i really enjoyed it and spending that time with you, for him to manipulate it so you cant go. he really must have missed getting laid there.

i also agree with someones response. find a friend to watch the kids or the babysitter and after he leave follow him. i have been actually considering doing this myself. only i dont have any friends. and he would regonize the car. trying to figure out how to get this done because i know my husband is not going to tell me the truth no matter what it is, he does sit and drink coffee and talk to other people, just dont talk to me. so who knows it might be innocent. in your case, you seem to have the opportunity to do this. just because he answers the phone and you hear traffic, doesnt mean he is not getting head in the car or that someone is there with him.
MrsVain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2009, 03:11 PM   #56 (permalink)
Member
 
snix11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 1,231
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

Update:

He's not cheating - we had a long talk about that. He just feels that he's not wanted at home and is throwing himself into his job. He loves to read but he's been coming home exausted every night around 7pm (lots of physical work after being behind a desk for three years) and isn't getting his 'reading' time in. He is listening to audiobooks in the car. Yes, I did check on all this and yes that's what he's doing.

As for the "us" factor - that's another story...

I'm battling major depression (partly brought on by his emotional abuse and neglect but other factors also) so I'm struggling to make it thru some days.

He tells me he "doesn't know" if he wants a relationship
"doesn't know" if he wants to leave or not
"doesn't know" if he wants to be married, etc etc.

Finally Monday we argued about it. Basically I told him I can't live in limbo anymore. If i'm not the ONE, he needs to leave and find the one. To which he answered he doesn't think there IS a 'someone' for him and doesn't think true love, romance, etc exists.

He says he has done alot of soul searching and he doesn't have any needs from a woman. He doesn't care if someone is affectionate, or loving, or sexual or any of that. This is complete Horsesh*t and he knows it.

Monday night, he's laying into me verbally like he does, and I just started saying "thank you sir, may I have another?" he got REALLY mad at that, but he quit beating me up verbally. Finally, he decided to quit the fight and we went to bed. We actually snuggled and fell asleep in each others arms.

Tuesday, he comes home late, spends some time with the kids and goes to bed early, asking me if I will hold him when we go to bed. I said sure - he replied, "do i have to hold a gun to your head?" I have NO idea what that was supposed to mean, my response to him was loving and positive not sarcastic. Anyway, the baby finally goes down about 1130 and I come to bed. When I tried to hold him (he's fast asleep) he's jerking away in his sleep. This isn't unusual for him. But he calmed down and again, we spent the night with our legs tangled together.

Now what I find so interesting about that is - despite not having any personal time, talking, etc while we were awake the night before, i have a very happy positive feeling about him today because of how we slept together. Interesting, huh?

I've been reading my "marriage fitness" stuff and it seems to be more about the 'connection' than anything else. When I feel connected to him, I don't feel neglected.

We'll see how it goes. Never the less, I don't think I can put up with his "fence sitting" much longer. He tried to tell me that it's MUCH worse for him because not only does he have the pain of not knowing what he wants, he has the pain of hurting me by his inaction. He said he's been on the fence so long it's digging up his arse. my reply? *GOOD! I hope it bothers you enough to finally choose*

I want to be in a committed relationship. I want to be married. I want to be with someone who wants me, tells me they want me, and treats me like i'm wanted, needed and loved.

He is very caring. But he makes no bones about the fact that he's 'unsure' if he wants a 'real' relationship with me. He greeted me warmly yesterday after work, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. We slept together all tangled up and in the mornings he gets dressed in the dark or with a lighter so he doesn't disturb me (I wake up anyway - i'm a light sleeper - but the gesture is kind)

I do wish he would just make up his DAM* Mind already.
snix11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2009, 12:44 PM   #57 (permalink)
Member
 
snix11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 1,231
Default Re: Men - Leaving for work earlier? (and earlier...)

Now he's nicer again ... this on off is driving me nuts.
snix11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Work Husband/Work Wife gbrad General Relationship Discussion 30 02-07-2013 01:24 PM
How did antidepressents work/not work for you? hqusafa Physical & Mental Health Issues 14 11-15-2012 06:28 PM
Earlier orgasm olaf_bes Sex in Marriage 3 07-14-2012 03:10 PM
Question about wife leaving to find work Houstondad Coping with Infidelity 77 09-22-2011 04:17 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:46 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage