snix11

Husband recently got a new job. The commute is 20 minutes.

Job starts at 9am. At first he left at 830am, then 8, then 730 etc. This morning he left at 615!

Can anyone think of a reason a husband would leave in the morning at 615am for a 20 minute commute when he didn't have to be to work till 9am? When i asked him, he said it was to avoid the traffic and he just sat in the car in the parking lot when he got there for what is now 2hrs and 45minutes.

Does this strike anybody else as odd?

We have had a really rocky year, with him wanting to leave and get divorced last year, then we got marriage counseling which he would attend but never do any of the 'homework'.

Now he seems happier, but something feels weird about this.

humpty dumpty

It does seem a little weird to sit in a parking lot for 2 hr 45mins is he stressed about his job? is the traffic that bad ?
does he stop and relax with a coffee, It does rings alarm bells a little

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snix11

Doesn't seem stressed out. Traffic can be bad (up to 40 mins if he leaves at 830) He does stop at the corner gas station for a coffee, but it's not like he stays there.

other than being exhausted when he gets home at 7pm, he seems ok.

I haven't found any evidence of 'strangeness' but it feels strange to me.

humpty dumpty

so he can spend 40-50 minutes in the car driving stop of for coffee 15 mins onces hes in work had a chat with work friends sorted out his work ..its probably just visable.

Maybe you need to just ask "him hey babe are you ok your leaving earlier everyday im worrid about you"
It could be totally nothing just the stress and strain of a new job trying to fit in with others

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Amplexor

I find it very strange. Ask yourself what he may be trying to avoid at home.

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Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

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snix11

Humpty - he says as long as he leaves before 8am, it's only a 15 minute drive. His work doesn't open till 9am and there is nobody there! He says he drives to his boss's house and sits in the driveway at his boss' house for 2.5 hours. At 9am, his boss then comes out of his house and they get into the work truck and go to work.

Not talking to anybody, just sitting there. And I did ask him - he said he just likes to get there early. There is really nobody to 'fit in with' as it's just the boss and him. They repair pools and install spa's and such. The entire company is the boss, the boss' wife (part time bookkeeper) and my hubby.

I could understand it if it was a big downtown place with water cooler talk or being able to actually 'work' early or something. But sitting in the car for almost three hours?

Amplexor - I have thought about that. He's been much 'nicer' to me lately, but distant as usual. We don't fight or argue. We spend time it the same room in the evenings watching his movies. I just can't shake the feeling he's trying to avoid me? or get some time to himself or something.

humpty dumpty

Its certainly sounds like hes trying to avoid being at home .. how are the evenings you say you watch movies together do you talk about whats been happening in your day ? how works gone etc

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revitalizedhusband

Give him morning sex, he'll want to stick around longer.


Seriously though, it does seem "odd". He's wanting to leave early to get out of the house...

snix11

RH - I've tried to give him morning sex... he says he doesn't want to be late for work. This seems impossible as the sex between us usually lasts all of four minutes or less.

Humpty - In the evenings he makes a big production out of telling me how exausted he is, and sits around watching movies. I offer to rub his back and neck, take a hot shower with him, watch the kids so he can take a nap, etc. He just turns me down with a smile and a kiss and then goes to bed at around 10pm. If I want any time near him (i don't call this 'with' him) then I have to watch whatever movie he's watching sitting in the chair or on the couch while he sits on his 'perch' - the desk by the window.

MarkTwain

snix11-

Say nothing at all to him.
Then hire a PI. You will have your answer within a week.

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revitalizedhusband

I agree, the way he is "zoning out" from you completely AND leaving for work 2.5 hours too early, makes me believe something is "going on".

Junebug

I find it really weird. Can you check his cell phone bills?

Junebug

And do you really think his boss would want him sitting in his driveway for 2.5 hours?? I would be really creeped out if someone did that to me... I ain't buying it!!

sunflower

ya sitting in your car for 2 and a half hours hmmm............

TNgirl232

I use to leave early to swing by the OM's house - not saying he is but...