H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?
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Old 03-08-2012, 07:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Guys, I have a question about female "personal grooming" that I would like some insight about...

I'm dark-haired with fair skin. A while ago I started getting my upper lip waxed. Previously I just used to tweeze hairs away but it was too much work so I started getting it waxed at a salon along with a couple of other areas where I felt conscious of the hair being noticeable.

My H didn't say anything at first. He knew I was going and asked what I was having done. I told him. After the second time he commented that I really didn't need to get it done. I said I felt better getting it done more thoroughly and I didn't like having noticeable hair there.

Well every time since, he has said how I don't need to get it done. He almost seems bothered that I am going to some effort to take care of my looks in this way.

I am not usually one for salon treatments at all so in a way it is something different for me. I thought he would be pleased that I wanted to look good but it seems to bother him.

A couple of things have crossed my mind. First, I have wondered if he may be thinks I am getting it done for other reasons (ie to attract other male attention.) Second is he had a flirtation with a co-worker a few months ago now which quite upset me and my esteem plummeted and I wonder if he sees me doing stuff like this and feels guilty (I know he feels bad about it) seeing me making more efforts to appear desirable.

Or may be something else. Anythoughts?
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Old 03-08-2012, 07:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

projection- he probably improved his grooming to attract that co-worker and figures you are doing the same
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Old 03-08-2012, 07:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Ok I'll ask. What are the "a couple of other areas" you're getting done?
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Old 03-08-2012, 07:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Have you asked him directly why the problem with you going?

If my wife says she has something that makes her self conscious, the discussion ends on my side.
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Old 03-08-2012, 08:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

If my wife started out of the blue getting her sweet deserts proffessionally groomed I would definitely be on red alert.
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Old 03-08-2012, 08:04 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

The couple of other areas? My belly from the bellybutton down I have a line of dark hair, and some downy but dark hair on my chest. Not a lot really but enough for me to notice.

Projection is an interesting one, hadn't thought of it that way around.

I've said to him, why do you seem bothered, you don't want a mustachioed wife do you?! He just says you cannot notice it. He has always said that.
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Old 03-08-2012, 08:14 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

I know it sounds strange, but some partners don't want their partner to do anything "extra" to themselves to make them more attractive. In case you then become more attractive to the other sex and that's a threat. My friends husband hated her dying her hair blond because "other blokes like it and you're mine". Insecurity.

I'm not sure if that's it in your case, as it's more just the things he would notice, but he might be thinking you're going to get more things done at the salon, do yourself up a bit. It's new and out of character. If he's feeling guilty over an EA or flirting he may worry you could get up to something too (paranoid).

Just another idea. I'm guessing the fact it's something new for you and relates to your looks it's sending warning bells off in his head and making him uncomfortable.
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Old 03-08-2012, 08:58 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Could be fear - he flirted with another woman, now he fears that he can't really have a leg to stand for getting hurt if you do it too.

Also, it could be his way of telling you that you are beautiful as you are. My wife and I are very close in age, but aging very differently. I hated the pressure that she put herself under, but learned that she was really doing things just as much for herself.
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Old 03-08-2012, 09:51 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Is there a reason you don't take his words at face value - he really doesn't notice the hair and doesn't think you need to do it, certainly not on his behalf?

If you think there's more to it and he is actually bothered by it, could it be the cost? I don't know how much waxing costs, but if you do it often, maybe he's worried about that?

Otherwise, I agree with the others. He is probably concerned why his wife is suddenly getting things waxed when 1) it's a change in your behavior and 2) it's not necessary (in his mind).

You should just ask him if it bothers him since you are getting the impression that it does and want to understand his thoughts about it.
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Old 03-08-2012, 10:57 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Quote:
Originally Posted by norajane View Post
Is there a reason you don't take his words at face value
i have found that women have a hard time with this.
they always seem to think there is some hidden meaning to everything that you are not telling them.
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Old 03-08-2012, 11:16 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Not a guy but from a female perspective... hair removal/maintenance is not only performed for comfort, hygiene but also for self esteem.

Sorry but if anyone (male or female) told me they didn't want me to wax (or do anything to my body to improve my appearance, self-esteem or comfort)... I'd have a HUGE issue with that... and my eyebrows (pardon the pun) would absolutely be raised at their reason or motivation for not wanting me to take care of myself.

Sounds to me like this goes way deeper than hair removal.
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Old 03-08-2012, 12:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Maybe he doesn't like the bald girls down there. Maybe he likes a little thatch.
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Old 03-08-2012, 01:56 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Runs like Dog View Post
Maybe he doesn't like the bald girls down there. Maybe he likes a little thatch.
Old school 70's look huh? Grab the machete, we're going on an expedition!
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Old 03-10-2012, 01:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

If my wife did it I'd be a lil concerned but I'd ask her to explain her reasons for it and if it's makes sense to me and if it makes her feel better about herself then I'm ok with that. Hell I wouldn't mind if she actually did get it done.
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:15 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: H doesn't like me getting waxed but why?

If he's like my ex-husband, it would only be because he didn't want me to spend money on it. I'm a very thrifty person, but God forbid if I wanted to get my nails done. It was for no other reason than being a cheap @#$!&$# Your mileage may vary
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