Just trying to get every person's perspective on this. It's something i have been dealing with for the past couple of years in my marriage. How does your wife make you feel? If she is a stay at home wife, does she appreciate everything you do for her and your hard work 5+days a week? Does she show that appreciation or just mention it every so often. If she is a working wife. Does she take the time out of her day to call or txt you during lunch to see how your day is going or to make plans for the evening? Or is your wife the one that is hot and cold like the thermostat, mood changes at the turn of a switch?
I can't speak for my husband, but I'd like to think I am the appreciative wife. I thank him every so often, just for working and supporting us while I am pregnant. I understand the pressure he's under to "man the ship" while I'm out of commission. Furthermore, my husband has been making the effort to help me more as my pregnancy progresses and makes doing simple tasks harder and harder. I absolutely let him know how much I appreciate his efforts, and I hope he does truly know how much I really do appreciate and am grateful for all he does - from working to the dishes, I thank him for it all. He on the other hand, can seem oblivious to my efforts at maintaining the house, chores, dogs, etc. He doesn't thank me nearly as much, but I know he appreciates me, (it's less for him to do). Posted via Mobile Device
Just trying to get every person's perspective on this. It's something i have been dealing with for the past couple of years in my marriage. How does your wife make you feel? If she is a stay at home wife, does she appreciate everything you do for her and your hard work 5+days a week? Does she show that appreciation or just mention it every so often. If she is a working wife. Does she take the time out of her day to call or txt you during lunch to see how your day is going or to make plans for the evening? Or is your wife the one that is hot and cold like the thermostat, mood changes at the turn of a switch?
In my marriage I've been the bread winner. My husband never calls me during the day to see how I am. He has never thanked me for supporting him. He has said that I did a lot for his kids while they were growing up. He's basically checked out and married to compute games. He does little to nothing around the house and yard. I filed for divorce on Monday 3/5/12.
I generally thank him whever he did anything to help out. I used to call him from work to see how his day was going. I stopped that when I realized that the only time he calls me at work is if he need something... like for me to stop on the way home and get something at the store.
Just trying to get every person's perspective on this. It's something i have been dealing with for the past couple of years in my marriage. How does your wife make you feel? If she is a stay at home wife, does she appreciate everything you do for her and your hard work 5+days a week? Does she show that appreciation or just mention it every so often. If she is a working wife. Does she take the time out of her day to call or txt you during lunch to see how your day is going or to make plans for the evening? Or is your wife the one that is hot and cold like the thermostat, mood changes at the turn of a switch?
We're starting to get better on all this. For a long time she was the Catch-22 sort of wife, where no matter what I did, she wanted the opposite. If I was sensitive, she wanted aloof, and vice-versa. If I was home with her, she wanted me out earning, and if I was out earning, she complained I wasn't home. The sh-- hit the fan when she began focusing on men who had nothing going for them but looks and attitude and treating me poorly. The changes began when I said basically I am who I am, take it or leave it. The endless nice things I did for her went out the window then, though I never treated her poorly. It's getting better now, slowly, with her showing appreciation and kindness like she used to. I was never "nice," but more a caretaker type, so it never got so bad she stepped out on me, but I felt like we were headed there. I trust her more now and she shows her appreciation and respect more each day. But it's an ongoing process for us. I still have days, though fewer, where I think I'd like to toss it all and go my own way, but overall she makes me feel much better these days.
I personally place more value on actions rather than words. I had someone tell me that he loved me, yet this actions proved the opposite. I didn't particularly feel appreciated, I felt taken for granted.
I would initiate calls to see how he was doing, but he didn't reciprocate. I would text him, but he wouldn't text back. I got tired of doing all the work. In the event that he did reply to a text, it would be a comment that couldn't be followed - basically, a conversation ender. I would even post stuff on his Facebook wall, but never got a reply from him. Towards the end, the messages he would get from me were chores like picking up cat litter after work. I grew tired of trying.
In his eyes, a hug and a peck on the cheek was all I needed to be happy. Don't I wish it were that easy!
Actually, we would LOVE this type of arrangement. We worked in the same office right next to each other for a while and it was a sad day when that was no longer the case.
To the OP, sure there are times that we take each other for granted. Since one of my wife's love languages is "words of affirmation" I am sure that I have not told her enough. There have been times that I have felt unappreciated, but most of the time that is not the case. Since her other love language is "acts of service" she really appreciates everything I do for her...because she feels loved when I do them. So she shows me appreciation by by love languages, "quality time" and "physical touch."
The other thing about my wife is that she is not hot and cold, but relatively even tempered except for her PMS time...and she knows that about herself, so she will apologize for it.
__________________
The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (The Message)
Your wife does not "make" you feel anything---it is your thoughts about her behaviors that direct your feelings. My ex never called me, but I just assumed he was busy at work. I didn't feel unappreciated b/c of it.
If your wife is not expressing her appreciation in a way you can understand, you can read "Love Languages" together. But do not blame her for not meeting needs you don't even know yourself that you might have--like, the need for verbal appreciation. Heck, she may feel unappreciated b/c you take for granted the work SHE does--because you do not express yourself in a language she appreciates. If you have a conversation about what you need (words of affirmation), and she does not make an effort to try that, get some counseling. She may feel equal or greater resentment at what she perceives as your lack of appreciation.
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,863
Re: How does she make you feel?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrock1180
Just trying to get every person's perspective on this. It's something i have been dealing with for the past couple of years in my marriage. How does your wife make you feel? If she is a stay at home wife, does she appreciate everything you do for her and your hard work 5+days a week? Does she show that appreciation or just mention it every so often. If she is a working wife. Does she take the time out of her day to call or txt you during lunch to see how your day is going or to make plans for the evening? Or is your wife the one that is hot and cold like the thermostat, mood changes at the turn of a switch?
My wife is now a SAHM. She has worked in the past in our marriage, and even owned a business (small restaurant) which she ran successfully for several years. I worked to get to a place where she could be a SAHM again ... and when she wants to do things like go back to college just for her personal enrichment, I want her to be able to do that.
She often expresses to me that she appreciates what I do. Even in the times when I think she was working harder than I was, she was appreciative. There were times when I also had to shoulder almost everything. The biggest example of this was a few months after her mother died, then from the time her father was diagosed with stomach cancer until a few months after he died. In particular, in conjunction with her father's situation, she went into depression, and that is very debilitating.
My wife is very playful most of the time. Quite often in what she does, she is either playing with me, or playfully expressing something nice to me. Our sex lives are quite good as well.
Text messaging is something that we've started fairly recently, and they usually start by me taking a moment and sending a flirty text message to her when I'm at work. She responds in the same cute language she speaks, and even though I'm the one that initiated it, it always brings a smile to my face and gives me a little tingle to get a flirty text message back from her.
I can't really just put it in a nutshell. There have been times, and probably will be times in the future when she was needy, and I had to do 100% of the lifting in our relationship as a loving husband has to do sometimes. There have been times when I've been the needy one, and probably will be again sometimes, and she has shouldered a tremendous part of the load as a loving wife will do. We've had our times of mutual frustration where we've had to sit down and tell each other (and listen to each other) what is needed, and had to each make changes to correct the course. When I take the package as a whole, my life with her has been great, and she's why I think it has been great. But that doesn't mean that every single moment is great ... right now, though, it's just hard to remember what the bad times felt like because these good times feel so good.
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,863
Re: How does she make you feel?
Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl
I just asked my husband how I make him feel. Being the man of many words that he is , he said, "Good."
I said, that's it? He said, "How do you make me feel?" I said, yes. FEEL. Feelings. He said, "Like home."
awwwws! Warm fuzzies for everyone!
Like home ... that actually sounds very nice to me.
You know, my home is where she is. If it was just me, I'd be perfectly happy living in a studio apartment, or a mobile home even. I want a big house because I want to give her the best I can offer her, but that big house would just be a big house if she wasn't there. When she's there, and she has made it her home, then it is my home. She's travelled with me and had a lot of addresses with me, but wherever we go, our house is just a house until she makes it her home. When she makes it her home, I'm home.
12Likes
How does she make you feel? 
He on the other hand, can seem oblivious to my efforts at maintaining the house, chores, dogs, etc. He doesn't thank me nearly as much, but I know he appreciates me, (it's less for him to do). 
, he said, "Good."
I said, that's it? He said, "How do you make me feel?" I said, yes. FEEL. Feelings. 
He said, "Like home."
