Originally Posted by helpplease4465
Omg COguy, you crack me up. Thanks for making me laugh. I really need to laugh since this is so ridiculous. Gaslighted, interesting term and you are correct. Glad I have a name for it now.
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Unfortunately I didn't find out about the term until after d-day, when I did I was like "Holy crap that really happened to me!"
The one that sticks out the most was when my wife was getting so protective of her phone that she actually took it with her to the shower and then locked the door (she never does this). I made some comment like, "What are you trying to hide that you are so protective of your phone now?" And she literally went nutso calling me controlling, that I was being ridicilous, that I had no right to insult her, blah blah blah. By the end of it, I was thinking that I must be crazy and imagining all of this in my head.
It was a sigh of relief when I found out what was going on and was confronting her on it. She was still trying to do the same, "Why are you so anxious to end this? Why are you treating me like I've done something wrong? Why are you making such a big deal about nothing?" I was trying hard not to laugh at the lies. It really opened my eyes to how badly I was getting played up until that time.
I think of all the horrible things cheating spouses do (and your husband is cheating, whether it's sexual or not), gaslighting is the worst. It's an attempt to make you crazy, literally. It attempts to shift your perception of reality and targets your own sanity. It reduces your ability to trust what you believe to be true. It completely degrades your decision making ability and if reconciliation is attempted, has a major affect on trusting the other person with their feelings on the relationship.
I mean here you are with 100 other people telling you your husband is a skeeze, and you're still questioning yourself (or were a few hours ago). Don't live the lies, you know this isn't right, you have feedback from enough people to prove it. You're normal, he isn't.
The ONLY suggestion I have for you is to make sure you go through some IC after this. Discover what's inside you that allowed you to be attracted to a guy like this and take his bullsh*t. That way, you don't get sucked into the same mistake twice. Learn to find and obey those little hints that something isn't right about someone. You already had the signs (questionable relationships with other guys in the past? major red flag!), you just didn't trust yourself enough to follow them.
The worst tragedy is for someone in a sh*tty marriage to get out, only to get stuck in another sh*tty relationship.