nice777guy

Good luck...

helpplease4465

Omg COguy, you crack me up. Thanks for making me laugh. I really need to laugh since this is so ridiculous. Gaslighted, interesting term and you are correct. Glad I have a name for it now.
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COguy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

Unfortunately I didn't find out about the term until after d-day, when I did I was like "Holy crap that really happened to me!"

The one that sticks out the most was when my wife was getting so protective of her phone that she actually took it with her to the shower and then locked the door (she never does this). I made some comment like, "What are you trying to hide that you are so protective of your phone now?" And she literally went nutso calling me controlling, that I was being ridicilous, that I had no right to insult her, blah blah blah. By the end of it, I was thinking that I must be crazy and imagining all of this in my head.

It was a sigh of relief when I found out what was going on and was confronting her on it. She was still trying to do the same, "Why are you so anxious to end this? Why are you treating me like I've done something wrong? Why are you making such a big deal about nothing?" I was trying hard not to laugh at the lies. It really opened my eyes to how badly I was getting played up until that time.

I think of all the horrible things cheating spouses do (and your husband is cheating, whether it's sexual or not), gaslighting is the worst. It's an attempt to make you crazy, literally. It attempts to shift your perception of reality and targets your own sanity. It reduces your ability to trust what you believe to be true. It completely degrades your decision making ability and if reconciliation is attempted, has a major affect on trusting the other person with their feelings on the relationship.

I mean here you are with 100 other people telling you your husband is a skeeze, and you're still questioning yourself (or were a few hours ago). Don't live the lies, you know this isn't right, you have feedback from enough people to prove it. You're normal, he isn't.

The ONLY suggestion I have for you is to make sure you go through some IC after this. Discover what's inside you that allowed you to be attracted to a guy like this and take his bullsh*t. That way, you don't get sucked into the same mistake twice. Learn to find and obey those little hints that something isn't right about someone. You already had the signs (questionable relationships with other guys in the past? major red flag!), you just didn't trust yourself enough to follow them.

The worst tragedy is for someone in a sh*tty marriage to get out, only to get stuck in another sh*tty relationship.

Complexity

If it's celebrities or whatever then maybe but if it's people you meet day to day then no, that's going a bit too far.

Goldmember357

yeah not so normal and i would not ever talk about my loved one in such a crude manner around friends.

Guy's talking about what they would do to a girl like "oh i want to f#ck her" that is normal but to get intimate and have an intimate conversation is a bit weird and not "normal". Guy's sitting around and graphically talking about penetrating and what they would do with their member to a female is a bit juvenile something teenage boys do. I have not talked like that in forever and to get and talk about it on a intimate level is a bit weird.

sirdano

Wow that is pretty sick. Is he doing that stuff at home too??? Do you have access to your router? If you do or even separate and have kids I recommend setting up your router with opendns. This will block all porn stuff. I always worried someone would get my kids to goto these site from there school but now it locked prementally.

And showing my package to anothe man either in person or web cam wacking off or not is major Homo stuff. Maybe he trying to cover this by saying lets look at naked women but really wants to look at OM's stuff

helpplease4465

It is the worst COguy. And not to my soon to be x goldmember, all normal he says, guys do this all the time. And yes sirdano, he was doing this at the house too, when I would go to grocery store, or go wherever. I found same stuff on home computer. Do you know what he said? He actually blamed it on the kids. Not kidding. Real denial. He does not touch computers at home anymore, and i make him come shopping. Lol. He is pressing me to forget this, so much so that the other morning (we are no longer sleeping together--for a month now) he actually tried to force himself on me. This whole situation is crazy. Even though he tells me he's going to leave, he doesn't. I can't make him leave, and I have kids, so I can't leave--I could but don't want to uproot kids, they have been through enough with this b.s. if it does get bad, I will take kids and go. I only say this because he is a hot head, and a bully sometimes, and has gotten physical. Divorce is a better option for me, so I have decided to do that, no separation. Thank all of you guys for your support. I appreciate. Keep me in your prayers.
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endlessgrief

I know you guys already know that women talk about sex down to the dirty details with their girlfriends. Used to drive my husband crazy.

But men doing the same? That just sounds weird to me. I can see teenage boys talking that way once they "get some" for the first time, but a grown man? It is even more strange to speak to another man about the intimacies of your sex life with your wife.

Your gut is not wrong. But this could also be a pis$ing contest. One trying to outdo the other.

SoWhat

Explaining what I would do to a woman - celebrity or girl next door - to a buddy doesn't sound strange at all.

Showing my stuff to said guy, webcamming, and getting really into the fact that HE's turned on does.

So...I agree with everyone else.