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Old 03-13-2012, 01:04 PM   #31 (permalink)
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LOL this is not a conversation to have with your girl friend/future husband/wife............unless your answer is going to be I would never even think about that because I'm with the most beautiful sexy woman on the freaking planet now come over you sexy thing and rock my world!!!!!!!!!!!
Now at least someone gets how to talk to a woman!
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Old 03-13-2012, 01:16 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: If Your Wife Allowed You To...

Generally, the answer would be no, sex outside marriage is too complicated and of little value (essentially masturbating). But, if Jessica Biel was similarly available . . .
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Old 03-13-2012, 02:06 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Interesting answers, so much to respond to. (And ChillyMorn, if that answer is honest, then that's an incredible marriage; if it's not, then wouldn't that be lying--and a form of cheating?)

It also seems like most of the people who said "no" (with the exception of Dean, Struggling Husband, and a few others), did so because of fear of consequences--whether from her or their own guilt.

The question came about not from Hall Pass (and noted from this thread not to see it evidently), but from us discussing that it seems most men can separate love and sex much easier than most women can. In other words, most men can have casual sex with someone else while still loving their wife. However, they don't because it would hurt their wives, so what would happen if hypothetically it wouldn't hurt their wife.

And, personally, because, and maybe this is for a separate thread, as the relationship moves toward marriage, some fears are coming up that I've been honestly discussing with her The primary one being that it is difficult to imagine only having sex with one person for the next fifty years (or, it seems from some of the responses here, at some point, not even having sex with that person for long stretches).
What would you feel like if the roles were reversed? If she was the one who had a hall pass for a week every year.

When you get down to it, the bare essence is that both men and women want to be desired and loved by their partners ABOVE ALL OTHERS.

Both men and women want the same basic thing, even if the way we go about expressing it is different. At the core, our basic need and desire is the same, and we are not that different after all.
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Old 03-13-2012, 03:14 PM   #34 (permalink)
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I discovered a long time ago that I am someone who cannot separate love from sex very easily. So to answer your question...even if there were no consequences as far as my wife was concerned I would still have self imposed consequences that would damage me immeasurably. Unless someone could impose a mild case of amnesia in which case why would I have sex if I couldn't bloody remember it.
As I have thought about this issue, I have come to the realization that this is now me as well (heck, it may always have been me). Sex and love are to intertwined. At this point, sex is me and my wife. I don't want to have one without the other.
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Old 03-13-2012, 04:51 PM   #35 (permalink)
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I am in a sexless marriage but have a low sex drive so I personally wouldn't do it.not because I would have moral qualms with it but rather just because I wouldn't have much of an interest in it.

In a hypothetical world with hypothetically no consequences, I would bet a fair number of people would do it though.
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Old 03-13-2012, 05:23 PM   #36 (permalink)
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For me, sex is not entertainment or selfish pleasure, but a way to bond with my husband. I agree with Dean that if you are having these thoughts, you are not ready to be married.
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Old 03-13-2012, 08:20 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: If Your Wife Allowed You To...

To the OP, Fence.

Is it possible that this was a s**t test?, i.e., "God help you if you give the wrong answer?"
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Old 03-14-2012, 03:04 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fence View Post
Interesting answers, so much to respond to. (And ChillyMorn, if that answer is honest, then that's an incredible marriage; if it's not, then wouldn't that be lying--and a form of cheating?)

It also seems like most of the people who said "no" (with the exception of Dean, Struggling Husband, and a few others), did so because of fear of consequences--whether from her or their own guilt.

The question came about not from Hall Pass (and noted from this thread not to see it evidently), but from us discussing that it seems most men can separate love and sex much easier than most women can. In other words, most men can have casual sex with someone else while still loving their wife. However, they don't because it would hurt their wives, so what would happen if hypothetically it wouldn't hurt their wife.

And, personally, because, and maybe this is for a separate thread, as the relationship moves toward marriage, some fears are coming up that I've been honestly discussing with her The primary one being that it is difficult to imagine only having sex with one person for the next fifty years (or, it seems from some of the responses here, at some point, not even having sex with that person for long stretches).
So you feel in some way inferior so your own sense of self worth indicates that others must be liars.

Folks do not agree with you and you have trouble accepting this information so you result to insulting people. Not all men look in the mirror in the morning and see a d!ckhead. YMMV. Some folks are comfortable in their own skin and can make value judgements as they have much experience in life to draw from.
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Old 03-14-2012, 09:36 AM   #39 (permalink)
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If Your Wife Allowed You To ...” most definitely starting off on the wrong foot with that type of predicate to your actions and behaviour.



As a Man let your own sense of morality and conscience be your guide. Be the type of Man you want to be, not the type of Man someone else allows you to be.


As soon as you put the “Someone else allowed me to/said I could” in your thoughts you give yourself excuses for your own bad behaviour. Very much in the same way a child would.
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Old 03-14-2012, 12:59 PM   #40 (permalink)
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The scenario is pure fantasy, with zero consequences. Given those initial conditions, my answer is hell yes.

Now in reality the answer is no, because there are consequences. I do enjoy sex with my wife, and it is an emotional bonding as much as it is a physical pleasure.

But in the fantasy world yes I would take advantage. I would have no guilt (in the fantasy scenario of no consequences), and there would be no issues on her side. We got married young and I have only ever had sex with my wife. She had several other partners before me. So yes there is some psychological baggage there for me. I am curious what it would be like to be with other women just for fun. I would like to have some variety of experiences beyond what my wife and I have done. Just usual experiences which I have not had, and which she is not interested in. Some things she had done with others, so there is the baggage again. Other things she just isn't into and I would like to try.

Reality just doesn't work like that, though. At least not for us. I do know one guy with a hall pass, and it works for them.
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Old 03-14-2012, 01:56 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fence View Post
...for one week each year, take a week vacation from the marriage, and be intimate with or have sex with other women--with no consequences to your marriage, no judgment, and no questions asked--would you do it?

And obviously, explain your answer in a sentence or two.

This question originated as a discussion between my girlfriend and i, and now curious what other men in marriages or committed relationships would answer.
no way.
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Old 03-14-2012, 04:40 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I've told my wife, when we were dating and even after we got married that I'm a heterosexual guy and I want to have sex with every woman I see. She's gonna catch me ogling other women. But I made a promise to her to be faithful to her. I will not choose to act on that desire because I love my wife and I made a promise to her. If she told me that I had permission to break that promise one week each year, I would refuse for three reasons:

1) there would be consequences. It's fun to fantasize about it, but there would definitely be consequences.
2) i made a promise and I don't like to break my promises even when given permission to do so.
3) The real reason: assuming I were lucky enough to meet some hot young thang that was eager to rock my world, and assuming that she did, I wouldn't want to come back to the marriage with that knowledge and experience and then have to think lesser of my wife.
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Old 03-14-2012, 08:00 PM   #43 (permalink)
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(flamesuit on)

Stupid question!! But if we assume there were no vows and no religious undertones and all that bologna was gone it boils down to being alive, finding the opposite sex attractive, and a urge of something new.


My question would be why wouldn't you? So, of course I would, but seeing that the question is BS and there are religious undertones, vows, kids, consequences it almost impossible to answer without thinking of one of them. If you truly could strip everything away it would no different than your wife giving you "20K and saying go by that motorcycle you always wanted"

Who doesn't like sex? Who doesn't like variety of anything? What's the next question: If you could fly would you??????????/

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Old 03-15-2012, 12:03 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Yeah for me also sounds like a movie. I don't want my wife to be with anyone else and I sure as hell don't want that either. Never got the threesome with two women crossed off my list and I gladly retired that one without hesitation.
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Old 03-16-2012, 07:41 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Nope. Now if I could change a couple of things in what you said. Like take a vacation by myself once a year and do anything I want. Then YES.
Taking a break does not mean humping everthing out there. Heck I might want to go see Pearl Harbor or go to an Iron Maiden consert in a different town. Now that would be cool
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