It honestly sounds like your guys spark in the relationship has gone out.
Men obviously have a stronger sex drive (most of the time), you see something and it turns you on. Women have to THINK, we have to be mentally turned on to become aroused or even think about sex.
Maybe there is an underlying problem that you guys have NOT concluded and it's eating away at your relationship and in turn turning her off?
It's hard if she's not going to communicate with you though. Perhaps you could try a candle lit dinner and send the kid off and try to talk and COMPROMISE on whatever the problem may be.
Regarding sex, she has to open up for you to fix it.
Read about other peoples lives.. no sex in weeks, months and years for some. I'd say you don't have it so bad. Keep doing what you're doing now and you'll be just like the rest of us in the lucky to have it twice a year club.
My wife has a low drive, I'm off the charts and we have sex maybe every 3-6 MONTHS.. I can't begin to express my sexual frustrations over this and trying to cue my wife into my needs as a male via me doing all the talking about how I need sex blah blah blah.. it only pissed her off and made her think I was a whiny child who only wants sex.
My wife won't initiate.. it's been bugging me for 8 years now, about the time she got her nursing job where she has to wait hand and foot on some of the most entitled prego beotches you ever met. Spend a day with them and you won't want to start anything either, you've spent the entire day giving.. you need a re-fill. My initiating and tending to her needs re-fills those needs she' been giving away. I have to double give.. it's really hard for me as I'm reward based and wasn't getting my carrot.
She's from latin/latino descent, the men are macho and the women don't initiate. It's part of her nature to want to be woo'ed and made to feel wanted. Don't do that or force her to start things and she shuts off, can't be bothered as it's the absolute last thing she want's to do. Meet her needs in a manly way w/out being forceful gets her motor running. It's the stuff people have been telling me my marriage needed, be a man to your wife and she'll be the women you always wanted. Theirs some truth to that.. lots actually. It was, and getting her to keep talking about her needs and what makes her motor run was/is the hard part.
It would have been nice if she told me that ohh.. 5 years ago and not this past weekend.. before I went off on a path that left me feeling left out and unwanted all these years. I thought she didn't want me all this time, thought I was a loser and all kinds of depression laden emotions. Turns out all I have to do is keep up the loving gestures, make her feel sexy and generally be a man to her needs.. not some whiny what about me child that only turned her off.
It's been said before and now I'm saying it.. man up bro!
Read about other peoples lives.. no sex in weeks, months and years for some. I'd say you don't have it so bad. Keep doing what you're doing now and you'll be just like the rest of us in the lucky to have it twice a year club.
My wife has a low drive, I'm off the charts and we have sex maybe every 3-6 MONTHS..
My wife won't initiate.. it's been bugging me for 8 years now, about the time she got her nursing job where she has to wait hand and foot on some of the most entitled prego beotches you ever met. Spend a day with them and you won't want to start anything either, you've spent the entire day giving.. you need a re-fill. My initiating and tending to her needs re-fills those needs she' been giving away.
She's from latin/latino descent, the men are macho and the women don't initiate. It's part of her nature to want to be woo'ed and made to feel wanted. Don't do that or force her to start things and she shuts off, can't be bothered as it's the absolute last thing she want's to do. Meet her needs in a manly way w/out being forceful gets her motor running. It's the stuff people have been telling me my marriage needed, be a man to your wife and she'll be the women you always wanted. Theirs some truth to that.. lots actually. It was, and getting her to keep talking about her needs and what makes her motor run was/is the hard part.
It would have been nice if she told me that ohh.. 5 years ago and not this past weekend.. before I went off on a path that left me feeling left out and unwanted all these years. I thought she didn't want me all this time, thought I was a loser and all kinds of depression laden emotions. Turns out all I have to do is keep up the loving gestures, make her feel sexy and generally be a man to her needs.. not some whiny what about me child that only turned her off.
It's been said before and now I'm saying it.. man up bro!
Exactly! Get the sparks going! Make her feel like a beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful woman.
I look at this as a positive. You can't talk or beg her into a better sex life though.
She says she does not know herself. Do you think she would like you to be more dominant? That would mean not asking her so much as seducing her.
Look up DailyGrind's post. It long and starts out what looks hopeless. Read to the end.
I think if you keep posting like DG and try to work things out with her with a different approach, you will have the kind of sex you want.
There are many positives here. She is sexual but not in the way you want. When she says it is boring I thunk she may be testing you. Try not to get angry.
Say something like " when I get you to bed tonight we will see how boring it is" with a confident smile. Then go with a positive attitude - sex is not you servicing her by putting on a show she has 1/2 of the responsibility for the engagement and excitement.
Tell her how to do that she needs your help. If she is bored and will not follow, then it is partly her fault.
Lead her tell her that you have a plan on how to make it exciting leave it up to you.
Vent here but calm down. She is pushing your buttons to get a reaction. Don't let that happen. Show her you are in control of yourself and you can take her along with your for a good sex life, if she will follow.
Don't act as if you are asking her but lead and invite her to follow. Let go of the initiating for now. Work on the basics.
Wow
Do you think it would do any good to tell her what you said here? What have you got to lose since you decided to this course. Posted via Mobile Device
Have you ever tried to be a little aggressive? No talking no begging no 'communicating' but just going up to her and being a little rough. Posted via Mobile Device
"Now I must resist the urge to talk about this with my wife. That’s where you guys are all going wrong, I’ve read the other threads. I’ve been trying that for years, it makes you a b!tch, and it never works for long.
FP, I know you were not trying to be funny, but your rants are worthy of a comedy routine. I would laugh out loud but my wife is asleep.
Ever see the Chris Rock routine on Spike Lee when he goes off on Spike Lee for being so mad all the time? Very funny. Your thread reminded me of it.
You sound like a classic nice guy, who has been bottling up his resentments for 20 years and now is going to blindside his wife with the whole can of "woop A$$" for every thing she ever did wrong.
I will let you in on one secret - you are mad at the wrong person. Been there, done that. It can be fixed but you will need to find a mirror first.....just sayin
I have to say I'm sorry I didn't finish reading this last night but I know where FP is coming from.
While I feel he's a bit worse of than I am with his lack of anything else to hold his marriage together, I identified with many of the things I did read.
FP, I'm married 26 years and I'm lucky to average 1x per week and I've just about had it. So far we've now gone 2 1/2 weeks without and it seems as if my wife hasn't even noticed.
We've done all the stuff others have listed here including MC and making her feel emotionally connected and it's worked....for a while. Right now the only physical touch we have is kiss on the cheek in the morning and at night. I am not initiating anything anymore. Guess I'm preparing myself for a life of celibacy.
I am also starting to go out more with my friends and get back into some of my hobbies since I guess I'll have a lot more time on my hands since I won't be having sex anymore.
People have asked me what my long term plans are, seperation, divorce, affair? Honestly, I'm not sure. I plan to give it some more time to see which way it goes but unless she wakes up SOON (and fater numerous conversations where she said she "gets it") I don't know what road I'll take. "She gets it" Well she's the only one for sure!
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Venting, wife and sex problems, I've given up 
Re: Venting, wife and sex problems, I've given up 
