I need a guys opinion as I know many men go through the same feeling at one point in their life.
My boyfriend and I are both 27, we've been together for 5 and a bit years. I NEVER bugged him about marriage, rarely spoke of it, but when I hit 27 I freaked out that I'm getting old and all my friends are married and kids and I have been with my partner the longest and we're not even moving forward with the relationship. So I talked to him about marriage, he said and keeps saying "I'm not ready yet".....
5 years with someone and you're not ready??!?!?! He says he wants to marry me, just not now, he said he's give his life for me but he won't marry me. We're already common law which is married!!!!! but he won't propose and have that announcement to our friends and family.
I am TRYING not to push but I can't understand, 5 years and you're not ready...... he keeps saying it's a big decision and he's scared of divorce and he doesn't feel like an adult and marriage is so adult like. I told him that I can't wait much longer for him to figure it out, which is the truth.
I feel like he's using me by not asking me, or he's lying about something but he WON'T TELL ME!
We live together and have been for 4.5 years. Should I make myself more distant to get it in his head that I'm not going to be waiting forever?
help???? What would prompt you to ask your love to marry you? He has fears of commitments, he wouldn't even be living with me or have his job if I didn't convince him to quit a hell job. He's one of those guys who REALLY hates change.
Now you have some choices to make. Don't waste more time with someone who "isn't ready". You'll waste another 5 years for you two to break up and he'll be married within a year of it to someone else. happens all the time.
I hate to be blunt but when someone says they aren't ready for marriage, it means they don't want to be married to you.
Sucks, but that's what he's saying. Believe him. And make some choices.
Like I said in another comment, my opinion of marriage has changed... but I now understand those people I know who actually wanted to have (and most still have it) a permanent committed relationship without a wedding. At the time I didn't understand, I thought marriage was a critical step to life, now I am much less rigid.
Kay, what is important to you about marriage, The Wedding? The public vows? The tradition? These are all valid but before you decide to end the relationship over his wish to not marry you, understand what exactly it is from marriage you need to make the relationship work... whatever you decide be true to yourself, don't worry about what others are telling you that you "should" do or else you will just regret that later in life. Good luck!
Like I said in another comment, my opinion of marriage has changed... but I now understand those people I know who actually wanted to have (and most still have it) a permanent committed relationship without a wedding. At the time I didn't understand, I thought marriage was a critical step to life, now I am much less rigid.
Kay, what is important to you about marriage, The Wedding? The public vows? The tradition? These are all valid but before you decide to end the relationship over his wish to not marry you, understand what exactly it is from marriage you need to make the relationship work... whatever you decide be true to yourself, don't worry about what others are telling you that you "should" do or else you will just regret that later in life. Good luck!
I totally agree with this. What is it about marriage that made you freak out when you weren't married after 5 years? Perhaps your boyfriend had a mother like me - I have been telling my kids for a while now that I think marriage is an outdated institution and people really should just live together. If they want a bigger commitment, make one to each other, have a handfasting ceremony or something but don't do the whole legal thing.
My daughter is 18 and moved in with her boyfriend last month. I have told her over and over and over - DO NOT get married till you are AT LEAST 25. If not older. So if she stays with this guy, they'd have been together for 7 years at that point. If he hadn't asked her to marry him by then, I'd think they were being prudent.
I don't think marriage is outdated at all. I do think marriage should not happen at LEAST until 25, but if she wants to get married, she wants to get married.
that's her choice and if he doesn't, then she shouldn't settle for living with someone.
Despite many of the people on this site, marriage is still important and good for many people.
It's simple. Marriage is a commitment to each other.
I don't disagree with you on this, it is a choice of committment... so is going steady, moving in together, buying property together, having children together. There are lots of things that we choose to do that make it complicated to just walk away. Further, marriage is no guarantee that the other will not just walk anyhow.
But I understand marriage is important to many people, I am all for it - it is important to me too (even if I choose not to view it the same way after divorce) I am not taking anything away, just realizing that while my marriage was something I put value in, my relationship would have just as rewarding if I had put equal value into the other choices of committment too.
I don't think marriage is outdated at all. I do think marriage should not happen at LEAST until 25, but if she wants to get married, she wants to get married.
that's her choice and if he doesn't, then she shouldn't settle for living with someone.
Despite many of the people on this site, marriage is still important and good for many people.
Sure, but she should try and figure out what his problem is and why he doesn't want to marry her. And she should also try and figure out why NOT being married freaks her out. Is it just the commitment thing? Or is it something else? How others perceive their relationship? I know that's one reason why I got married the first time - I felt pressure from family and others who didn't think it was 'respectable' to just live together, and who didn't take our relationship seriously, just because we didn't have that piece of paper. And because he was the one who took my virginity. None of which, if I had been honest with myself, are good reasons to get married.
Hope, I know your a good person and mother from reading all your posts.
Everyone is different but 18 is just a little young to move in with someone.
I 100% agree about waiting till your older to get married.
I guess I just don't want my daughters or your daughter to get hurt.
Thanks!! Yeah, 18 is young, but I was only 16. I'm ok with it, even though I would rather she hadn't done it. If she'd moved away to college or something I would probably be even more worried, because she'd be all on her own then. With nobody to watch out for her.
Sure, but she should try and figure out what his problem is and why he doesn't want to marry her. And she should also try and figure out why NOT being married freaks her out. Is it just the commitment thing? Or is it something else? How others perceive their relationship? I know that's one reason why I got married the first time - I felt pressure from family and others who didn't think it was 'respectable' to just live together, and who didn't take our relationship seriously, just because we didn't have that piece of paper. And because he was the one who took my virginity. None of which, if I had been honest with myself, are good reasons to get married.
Actually, I wouldn't waste my time trying to figure out why.
But that's just me. He made his decision and I'd make mine. And leave.
I've done it before with men who didn't want to commit after dating for a quite a while.
I understand your situation too. My family tried that garbage but helllllls no.
Thanks!! Yeah, 18 is young, but I was only 16. I'm ok with it, even though I would rather she hadn't done it. If she'd moved away to college or something I would probably be even more worried, because she'd be all on her own then. With nobody to watch out for her.
I wish no one had to get hurt ever
It's good for her. To make choices and deal with the outcomes, good or bad.
It's young and I wouldn't support my kid in it, but I wouldn't say no...she's grown. I just hope my child doesn't play "wife" until she is one. Been there, done that. Never again. I hope at 18, my girls are in school and enjoying their young adulthood.
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Afraid of Marriage 
Yeah, 18 is young, but I was only 16. I'm ok with it, even though I would rather she hadn't done it. If she'd moved away to college or something I would probably be even more worried, because she'd be all on her own then. With nobody to watch out for her. 
