There are two distinct dimensions to this type interaction. You have the subset of males who suffer from testosterone poisoning. Those men physically intimidate, or beat or at the extreme end murder their female partners in these type situations. Thank god for anti stalking laws and much more aggressive law enforcement. Still even with that, the stats are very ugly and sad. In the non-physical relationships (where the men are truly civilized), the skew goes in the opposite direction. The average male is simply not emotionally equipped to go head to head against his partner. And in those cases you have this endless list of incredibly one sided behavior. Puppy dogs and passive encouragement of sexual aggression and ridiculous claims of controlling behavior - when that behavior is purely boundary enforcement.
Really I love women, they are marvelous beings. Without them life would not be worn living. That said, men need to better understand women or these very one sided models of behavior will become ever more common.
UOTE=Entropy3000;661792]She believes men oppress women with their concerns to their interactions with other men. A very fundamental man and woman relationship thing and certainly valid in any discussion over a marriage. I could go on but it belongs in that new thread.
She also indicates that a woman can feel good around a 25 year old good looking guy because he is like a puppy dog. Of course this puppy dog wants to have sex with her. But that is not her problem to avoid. I have seen many women in my time refer to thier love interests in this manner. As he is her cute little pup[py dog. So I take no solice from this. I really do not want my wife hanging out with a hot puppy dog guy. Yes these guys are dogs ladies and most of you know it.
And of course people have every right to their opinions and how they run their lives. However in a good marriage you have to be able to have good boundaries. One spouse or the other does not have to accept what they consider to be risky or disrepsectful behavior from the other.
Posted via Mobile Device[/QUOTE]
So you are saying men are either aggresive or passive? No middle mark? I have met many men who are right in the middle. I think most men are right in the middle. Head to head against a partner. Is this war? I thought marriage was united not war. Most men I have known are emotional and caring. Average man? Most men are not beaters or puppies. Most are great. You dont seem to see any in between. What has happened to make you think that? I havent seen it.
Mom,
It is conflict not war. All healthy marriages have conflict. There is a phrase "when momma ain't happy..."
And yet there is no male corollary. And the reason is that Women excel at low intensity conflict. in an average marriage this produces a rather unequal outcome.
OTE=MominMayberry;666630]Posted via Mobile Device[/QUOTE]
So you are saying men are either aggresive or passive? No middle mark? I have met many men who are right in the middle. I think most men are right in the middle. Head to head against a partner. Is this war? I thought marriage was united not war. Most men I have known are emotional and caring. Average man? Most men are not beaters or puppies. Most are great. You dont seem to see any in between. What has happened to make you think that? I havent seen it.[/QUOTE] Posted via Mobile Device
Wow 11 pages and joey has only relied twice since his original thread.
joey, joey, joey, you thinks she,s not cheating....why don't you find out for sure that she is not cheating by planting a VAR (voice activated recorder) under her car seat. I suggest you eliminate any doubt your wife is cheating by investigating her actions.
Do this quitely, you don't want her showing off if she thinks your following her. So go ahead and get a GPS, VAR, keylogger and check her cell phone bill for large amount of texting.
In doing this it will put to rest any doubt you have.
I'm looking forward to hearing from you next week. LOL
She will go balistic at this of course. The trainer will say he does not allow husbands there but yes he should do this.
So this is not a trainer in a public setting where they can be seen "training". Yes trainers can get very touchy in this scenario as well. But he will have zero approach anxiety in this setting.
Ideally the first time you show up will be a surprise to the trainer. You do not want them to orchestrate it. So being able to stop by unannouced is best. BUT, I am very skeptical that you would be able to do so.
Have you actually been inside his GYM? Thinking it is closed door and by appointment only.
What about trusting the husband? He sees a problem that his wife doesn't see and we're supposed to assume he is being jealous? Maybe he's just being insightful.
That's what I'm saying she doesn't see it. But he would say hello to her when we are togheter but walk right past me and never say hello
Get yourself a hot female trainer. Then put a pass code on your cell phone so only you can see your texts. Even if the only person who texts you is your wife.
This is a great idea. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, unless, of course, the goose is getting f*cked by her trainer and doesn't want the husband to do the same.
it would be a good litmus test. I think at first joey's wife would say, "great, go for it"....until she saw the trainer.
Makes sure you find the hottest, youngest, possible trainer.
Absent this - you are clearly at an impasse and getting nowhere. You've stated your boundaries. She is ignoring them. Have you asked her why the trainer never says hello to you?
That's what I'm saying she doesn't see it. But he would say hello to her when we are togheter but walk right past me and never say hello
You have a somewhat open personal boundary. You don’t like your wife’s behaviour, it’s upsetting you yet even though you’ve told her she continues to be totally disrespectful and trample over your boundary by continuing with her trainer.
A lot of us get a long way through life without a conscious awareness of our boundaries. In that we know when they’ve been crossed, abused, by how we feel, the emotions it generates inside of us (sadness, frustration, anger). So at times we feel the (very) strong emotions before we’ve even had time to think about and rationalise what’s going on.
Sometimes these things are “Do or die”. In that the person who abuses our boundaries either stops their abusive behaviour when we ask them or we end the relationship/marriage.
In this case such a boundary (declaration) would be something like “I will no longer tolerate your behaviour and disrespect for me. You chose between your trainer or me. You cannot have both. I expect your answer within 24 hours, if you don’t give an answer our marriage is over”.
Be careful though as you may well have to end your marriage. But surely you’d do that if your wife chose another man over you?
As for the trainer not looking at you I’d take that as a very big red flag in that your wife has probably divulged things to him about you and her marriage to you which aren’t good at all. In other words she’s in an emotional affair with the guy which is probably why she wont can him.
Wow 11 pages and joey has only relied twice since his original thread.
joey, joey, joey, you thinks she,s not cheating....why don't you find out for sure that she is not cheating by planting a VAR (voice activated recorder) under her car seat. I suggest you eliminate any doubt your wife is cheating by investigating her actions.
Do this quitely, you don't want her showing off if she thinks your following her. So go ahead and get a GPS, VAR, keylogger and check her cell phone bill for large amount of texting.
In doing this it will put to rest any doubt you have.
I'm looking forward to hearing from you next week. LOL
He needs to plant a VAR in something she takes to the "private" sessions. They may not communicate much beyond this.
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Re: my wifes trainer 
Re: my wifes trainer 
