Then you could not have read His Needs Her Needs and misssed this. It most common for men's #1 and #2 needs to be:
Sexual Fullfillment and Respect. Not all men are the same but this is very common.
Many say that men connect with a woman via sex. I agree. Some say that woman have to connect ot have sex.
HNHN is worth a read even if you do not agree with all of it.
I agree. I need sex and to feel needed (respected/appreciated/trusted). If one if missing, then I feel either pissed or distant. If I feel disrespected, but am getting sex, I'm still not particularly happy. If I'm getting both - yeow!!!! We're not all that hard to figure out.
There are certain men who really are like this, given a marriage where the wife is also committed. My wife worries about aging, but it is really almost unexplainable how she gets more beautiful as the years pass. Even when we went through the lowest point, where we almost divorced, our respect for each other kept us faithful. In the early years, there were situations where her sister and several friends blatantly tried to build a relationship, but faithfulness was not a question. I think it boils down to becoming a man who knows himself, and what is important in life. Just a personal opinion, but if a guy can't readily describe how he looks forward to spending his life with his wife, and what that means to him, then he's not ready, and not the type who will be faithful.
Yeah, I hope this is my husband and it seems so to me but sometimes in reading these boards I wonder if I'm doomed regardless of what I do or if I was cheated on and had no clue. It's exhausting.
There are just so many things I disagree with in this book. (His needs her needs)
Its basic premise already doesnt resonate with me:
"We think the dynamics of a good mariage depend on some myserious blend of the 'right' people. Or if a marriage turns out badly, we call the two people 'wrong' for eachother. While its true that two inherently incompatible people might marry, it's unusual."
I don't think this is true. I think this is an frighteningly common scenario.
I don't think a lot of things in the book are true.
I just don't think its a good relationship book, from what I have read so far.
Is it okay if I think that or will it doom me as a partner/spouse?
I'll read the book. I am not yanking anybodys chain. And being what way?
And what does the bold part mean?
It really means that I look at things differently than many others do but I will attempt things many will not because intuitively I can see the possibilities. Many people can but many will not allow themselves to do so. Life is what you make it. Everything and I mean everything has a Yin and Yang. Nothing is perfect. And that in itself is perfection. For every good attribute of anything there is another that is less so depending how we view it. So you have to find the good in things while avoiding the bad. Men and Women have choice. What a horrible world if everyone was alike and Men = Women.
I was just not clever enough to write something like "There is nothing you can sing that can't be sung".
So yes, read the book and realize that a human being wrote it. He has some interesting insights. It was an epiphany for me. It was there when I needed it the most. It is very traditional in many ways but do not let that deter you. Many of his points are timeless in my opinion. But you take what feeds you and let the rest go.
TRBE = TheRealBrightEyes
She is conspicuous in her absence on this thread. There was a disturbance in the force.
I just checked and I see she is Banned.