I've never made a move on a woman at work. But I'm telling you: we have sexual thoughts about our attractive co-workers. Its just a fact.
A significant number of us pursue those attractions (two of my guy friends have... one is still dating the girl, who ended up finding another job so she could date him in the open), but most of us let fantasies stay fantasies, or getting the girl is just an unrealistic pipe dream.
Just imagine how uncomfortable it is for the woman in the meeting with you across the table. She can clearly see and feel by your facial expressions and other body language that your attention is totally on her and nothing else that’s going on in the meeting.
Now she’s trapped. In that there’s not a thing she can do about it so she does her best to defocus on you so she can focus entirely on her job at hand.
And now think on everyone else in that meeting right there with you. If you don’t know that every other woman in the room knows exactly what’s going through your mind then you are most certainly mistaken. And you are again mistaken if they don’t talk about that lecher behind your back.
And if your manager’s a male and has any sense of awareness he’ll too know exactly what’s going on inside of you. Most especially when he’s especially sought your attention and hasn’t got it because your gawping across the table.
I remember a few years back when we had a large division meeting at work. The manager in charge of about 50 engineers was this aggressive, power suit wearing feminist. We had one woman engineer, the rest all men.
We had a last minute all hands meeting just before 5. The one woman had already changed into a VERY short red dress that she was going to surprise her husband with when she took him out for dinner on his birthday.
The entire meeting the red dress gal was trying to grow about 4 more inches of dress by alternately pulling it down over her legs and then trying to pull the top up. What made it worse was that we were all in a giant room with tables arraigned in a circle so many could see her front both above and below the table.
Being in a room with nearly 50 guys, and most of them over 40. She was about 25. You could tell where all of the attention was. By the time it was over both women were red faced for very different reasons. I really felt bad for T, she normally dressed conservatively, just caught off guard by circumstances.
A person’s world can become a totally different place once they realise and accept that so very much is communicated without a word ever being spoken.
But to try and see the body language in the same way we hear the spoken word typically takes serious effort and focus from a man but appears so easy for a woman to do. And then once we’ve seen the body language we need to somehow interpret its meaning, much like we do when we hear the spoken word.
Due to their brains multitasking capabilities women are far more capable in these things, it seems as though they are born with these capabilities whereas a man may spend a lifetime trying to gain some form of competence in them such is the single tasked nature of our brains setup.
But sometimes it’s enough to know that within facial expressions, body movements over time for example where feet are pointing or perhaps more importantly who they’re pointing at, there are words, sentences and whole paragraphs with never a word spoken.
Just imagine how uncomfortable it is for the woman in the meeting with you across the table. She can clearly see and feel by your facial expressions and other body language that your attention is totally on her and nothing else that’s going on in the meeting.
Now she’s trapped. In that there’s not a thing she can do about it so she does her best to defocus on you so she can focus entirely on her job at hand.
And now think on everyone else in that meeting right there with you. If you don’t know that every other woman in the room knows exactly what’s going through your mind then you are most certainly mistaken. And you are again mistaken if they don’t talk about that lecher behind your back.
And if your manager’s a male and has any sense of awareness he’ll too know exactly what’s going on inside of you. Most especially when he’s especially sought your attention and hasn’t got it because your gawping across the table.
I think you're blowing this out of proportion. The guy who gets noticed for checking someone out at work is a guy that WANTED to get noticed, especially something ongoing. He's flirting. If she gives him the cold shoulder or ignores him and he continues or is too overt about it he's a douche and the harrassment should be addressed. Normally, you'd look and try to focus the rest of the meeting... but you still steal every glance you can get without being obvious about it.
Most of the time, we're thinking it, and women truly no more aware of it than we are aware of their thoughts. Its just coincidence that they get it right whenever they decide to call us on it, either because some guy was really being an overt douche, or by default... because we're all usually checking everyone out anyway. I'm sure there's a bell curve to this, but I'd wager most men fall in the big fat part of the curve labelled "checking everyone out most of the time". I often wonder if age plays a factor and I expected as I got out of my 20s things would mellow out... it certainly hasn't for me, and from what I hear, anyone I know.
There's really nowhere I go that I don't identify every good looking woman within eyesight almost immediately, and from what I gather, that's not peculiar to me. Guys I know even scan the nearby cars at stoplights, or occassionally adjust speed to get a better look at the face of that girl with the pretty hair... oops... not cute... nevermind, pass.
I think you're blowing this out of proportion. The guy who gets noticed for checking someone out at work is a guy that WANTED to get noticed, especially something ongoing. He's flirting. If she gives him the cold shoulder or ignores him and he continues or is too overt about it he's a douche and the harrassment should be addressed. Normally, you'd look and try to focus the rest of the meeting... but you still steal every glance you can get without being obvious about it.
Most of the time, we're thinking it, and women truly no more aware of it than we are aware of their thoughts. Its just coincidence that they get it right whenever they decide to call us on it, either because some guy was really being an overt douche, or by default... because we're all usually checking everyone out anyway. I'm sure there's a bell curve to this, but I'd wager most men fall in the big fat part of the curve labelled "checking everyone out most of the time". I often wonder if age plays a factor and I expected as I got out of my 20s things would mellow out... it certainly hasn't for me, and from what I hear, anyone I know.
There's really nowhere I go that I don't identify every good looking woman within eyesight almost immediately, and from what I gather, that's not peculiar to me. Guys I know even scan the nearby cars at stoplights, or occassionally adjust speed to get a better look at the face of that girl with the pretty hair... oops... not cute... nevermind, pass.
Yes. And many of us women do the same...we glance and "ogle" and "nevermind, pass," too. We're not helpless creatures that cower in the corner just because men are looking and giving off "vibes." You guys would blush if you heard the conversations at a girl's night-out/post-meeting-analysis-meetings.
We are very visual (men more, but women too), and there's nothing wrong with it as long as nothing offensive is being said or stalking is involved. As far as I'm concerned it's all just natural man/woman dynamics. C'est la vie...
Arranging some subtle competition might be effective. That said, commenting about another woman would be counter-productive and annoying for most women. For example, when a woman finds out her man had looked at porn, it creates doubts about her self-image, and lessens her desire. It doesn't create a sudden desire to equal or exceed what she perceived the other woman doing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandc
One of the ugly truths I've discovered about "us" is when I start noticing other women, stop being so into my wife, she gets more into me. When I start acting more caveman, she gets a lot more slvtty with me. Like the other night, I made a remark mark about the remarkably admirable posterior of a girl we had seen earlier in the evening. We were already in the bedroom and getting hot, this seemed to make her hotter. The more I talked about how hot the other women were, the more slvtty and freaky she got. It seems counter-intuitive to me but hey, whatever works.
I think you're blowing this out of proportion. The guy who gets noticed for checking someone out at work is a guy that WANTED to get noticed, especially something ongoing. He's flirting. If she gives him the cold shoulder or ignores him and he continues or is too overt about it he's a douche and the harrassment should be addressed. Normally, you'd look and try to focus the rest of the meeting... but you still steal every glance you can get without being obvious about it.
It's crap to call looking "harassment" when the woman dresses in a revealing fashion.
They dress to draw attention. If a guy notices, they are getting what they want. Not from the guy they want to look, but they do want a some guys to look.
I've noticed this is a very American thing. You go elsewhere and women know that if they dress revealing, they will be ogled.
I think you're blowing this out of proportion. The guy who gets noticed for checking someone out at work is a guy that WANTED to get noticed, especially something ongoing. He's flirting. If she gives him the cold shoulder or ignores him and he continues or is too overt about it he's a douche and the harrassment should be addressed. Normally, you'd look and try to focus the rest of the meeting... but you still steal every glance you can get without being obvious about it.
Most of the time, we're thinking it, and women truly no more aware of it than we are aware of their thoughts. Its just coincidence that they get it right whenever they decide to call us on it, either because some guy was really being an overt douche, or by default... because we're all usually checking everyone out anyway. I'm sure there's a bell curve to this, but I'd wager most men fall in the big fat part of the curve labelled "checking everyone out most of the time". I often wonder if age plays a factor and I expected as I got out of my 20s things would mellow out... it certainly hasn't for me, and from what I hear, anyone I know.
There's really nowhere I go that I don't identify every good looking woman within eyesight almost immediately, and from what I gather, that's not peculiar to me. Guys I know even scan the nearby cars at stoplights, or occassionally adjust speed to get a better look at the face of that girl with the pretty hair... oops... not cute... nevermind, pass.
Body language has words, sentences and paragraphs without a word being spoken!
And it’s not all in the actual body language that we see. It’s in what we don’t see as well. Not looking at the screen or speaker during a presentation … speaks volumes as much as you looking directly at the woman opposite you.
Eyes linger on the woman opposite you for more than THREE seconds? That’s staring! Got a stupid smile and look on your face? That’s leering!
You'er anonymous on here, and nobody's gonna scream at you for saying it.
So give us some of the ugliest truths about what women don't/should know about men.
This isn't meant to make men look bad. There are things, some things women just dont know about men. What do you wish women knew about you, that would make relationships easier?
Women generally put me into a certain category; "bad ass mofo" or "player"
They f--k me, use me, then break me heart and use me as a "confidence" booster as I've always been a hot and confident guy
That was before I met my wife...
But it troubles me why women get so insecure around good-looking blokes, they either worship or use us
It's crap to call looking "harassment" when the woman dresses in a revealing fashion.
They dress to draw attention. If a guy notices, they are getting what they want. Not from the guy they want to look, but they do want a some guys to look.
I've noticed this is a very American thing. You go elsewhere and women know that if they dress revealing, they will be ogled.
I don't think harassment has anything to do with what she wears, nor do I think looking is harassment. Staring maybe. Being overt and brash about it.
Women wearing something sexy isn't an invitation for all men to stare or be obnoxious. They don't always want the attention. A lot of women dress that way because it makes them feel good; attractive; confident. That doesn't mean she wanted to get the attention of x guy with the rape eyes. It doesn't give guys the right to be dbags.
We're all gonna look, we're gonna have dirty thoughts, but I think tact plays and important role.
That was deliberate! Just trying to get you to see yourself.
You've assumed too much. I didn't say staring or being overt was in anyway acceptable. But it doesn't change the fact that you'll look at her, think about her, and take every opportunity to get another glance.
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Re: Men, I want the ugly truth from you. 
