For example: At home, you're Mr. Nice Husband but at work, with friends you find yourself acting differently?
And I don't mean professional at work, casual at home.
I mean at home...doting on your wife sometimes-while at work (around male-coworkers) leering at female co-workers, joking inappropriately, pretending like your wife isn't on the phone when she calls...ect.
I am dealing with H's self described "compartmentalization" of his lives (with me, at work and with his family). There are basically 3 different husbands. He seems to think this is normal for men...
my H was a completely different person when other people were around - anyone would have thought he was confident, cheerful, competent, alpha all the way
Yes it's true. Although I know full well that if "bachelor party man" gets a lap dance then "doting husband" is in deep trouble. So while it's normal to act differently for different audiences there is a certain baseline that you don't cross.
I think if a man has the same persona all the time his wife is likely to get bored of him. Which persona should I use as the full time me? Straight laced accountant? Horseback riding cowboy? Mountaineers climb leader? Soccer dad? I act differently at different times and I think it enhances my wife's reaction to my personality. I will admit though that I don't have a party boy persona. Anymore.
There's party guy drug user personna, who can out party and out drug anyone.
At work it was "poor me" "my wife is a c*nt" and "of course I'll flirt with you and hang out with you after work while my wife is working" personna - he dragged our dirty laundry all over the place in that building.
Then theres doting husband- loves me, loves to help, loves to do everything for me, this is usually on display when he wants to get laid, or when company is over.
There's the real at home guy, who hates my pets, doesn't do housework, plays video games, and tells me how lazy I am.
Theres also the needy 5yr old, who cannot detach from my leg long enough to go take a leak.
And SOMEWHERE in there, is the man I fell in love with. The guy who takes care of me when I'm sick, loves to hear my words, loves spending actual time with me, has cute quirks, is a softy, a sweetheart, and still a protector. Cherishes his family, wants to build a real future, and has goals and ambition and is an individual.
For example: At home, you're Mr. Nice Husband but at work, with friends you find yourself acting differently?
And I don't mean professional at work, casual at home.
I mean at home...doting on your wife sometimes-while at work (around male-coworkers) leering at female co-workers, joking inappropriately, pretending like your wife isn't on the phone when she calls...ect.
I am dealing with H's self described "compartmentalization" of his lives (with me, at work and with his family). There are basically 3 different husbands. He seems to think this is normal for men...
I see you married George Constanza who can't combine worlds.
I have a buddy like that.
He acts different around his wife. I guess he doesn't want her to know what kind of boorish degenerate he really is by the uncouth roughians he is friends with.
I run a crew of some very tough, outspoken alpha males.
The only way I can maintain control of this crew is to be the biggest alpha male on the job so I "live" that persona at work.
It does inject itself into my home life at times but for the most part I`m pretty easy going.
I run a crew of some very tough, outspoken alpha males.
The only way I can maintain control of this crew is to be the biggest alpha male on the job so I "live" that persona at work.
It does inject itself into my home life at times but for the most part I`m pretty easy going.
This is me. I have to be the Alpha amongst Alphas. I was given that role because they will follow me to hell and back and no one else ( in my company ) knows how or wishes to deal with them.
I have a secret. I actually give a sh!t about them and they know it.
I have learned very much now how to separate those worlds.
I have learned that my wife and daughters do not always want me to fix things. They want me to listen.
This is a good thing. Men do compartmentalize in general. I abstract details and focus on things. I know women tend to want to multi-task which is fine to a point. I know that individuals vary with this generalization. In a complex technical world I have to compartmentalize. Multi-taskers come to me when there are important complex problems to solve. I abstract details and methodically deal with them with an eye on running the table.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-12-2012 at 11:57 PM.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
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Husband's & Their Personas 
