Husband's & Their Personas - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 03:48 PM Thread Starter
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Husband's & Their Personas

Do you guys have different personas?

For example: At home, you're Mr. Nice Husband but at work, with friends you find yourself acting differently?

And I don't mean professional at work, casual at home.

I mean at home...doting on your wife sometimes-while at work (around male-coworkers) leering at female co-workers, joking inappropriately, pretending like your wife isn't on the phone when she calls...ect.

I am dealing with H's self described "compartmentalization" of his lives (with me, at work and with his family). There are basically 3 different husbands. He seems to think this is normal for men...
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post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 04:14 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

my H was a completely different person when other people were around - anyone would have thought he was confident, cheerful, competent, alpha all the way

it was all bravado and all for show
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post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 04:14 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

Yes it's true. Although I know full well that if "bachelor party man" gets a lap dance then "doting husband" is in deep trouble. So while it's normal to act differently for different audiences there is a certain baseline that you don't cross.
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post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 04:28 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

The answer to what you're really asking is no. I don't have a party boy persona and a husband persona.

To be honest, I've heard of men like that... personally I don't know a single one, but that may just be the circle I run in.
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post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 04:38 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

I think if a man has the same persona all the time his wife is likely to get bored of him. Which persona should I use as the full time me? Straight laced accountant? Horseback riding cowboy? Mountaineers climb leader? Soccer dad? I act differently at different times and I think it enhances my wife's reaction to my personality. I will admit though that I don't have a party boy persona. Anymore.
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post #6 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 04:47 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

I don't think it's normal. My husband has work persona and home persona. No party boy persona. He's too old to act like a frat boy.

However I did have friends with husbands like that.

They are now divorced. LOL
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post #7 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 04:56 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

Working, sure everyone (male and female) has a different persona for different parts of work, social, vs home.

The real question was party boy persona or no when out (or more to the point a persona the wife doesn't know about but should), which you answered.
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post #8 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 04:58 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

my husband had personnas.

There's party guy drug user personna, who can out party and out drug anyone.

At work it was "poor me" "my wife is a c*nt" and "of course I'll flirt with you and hang out with you after work while my wife is working" personna - he dragged our dirty laundry all over the place in that building.

Then theres doting husband- loves me, loves to help, loves to do everything for me, this is usually on display when he wants to get laid, or when company is over.

There's the real at home guy, who hates my pets, doesn't do housework, plays video games, and tells me how lazy I am.

Theres also the needy 5yr old, who cannot detach from my leg long enough to go take a leak.

And SOMEWHERE in there, is the man I fell in love with. The guy who takes care of me when I'm sick, loves to hear my words, loves spending actual time with me, has cute quirks, is a softy, a sweetheart, and still a protector. Cherishes his family, wants to build a real future, and has goals and ambition and is an individual.
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post #9 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 05:03 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

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Originally Posted by Mrs1980 View Post
Do you guys have different personas?

For example: At home, you're Mr. Nice Husband but at work, with friends you find yourself acting differently?

And I don't mean professional at work, casual at home.

I mean at home...doting on your wife sometimes-while at work (around male-coworkers) leering at female co-workers, joking inappropriately, pretending like your wife isn't on the phone when she calls...ect.

I am dealing with H's self described "compartmentalization" of his lives (with me, at work and with his family). There are basically 3 different husbands. He seems to think this is normal for men...
I see you married George Constanza who can't combine worlds.

I have a buddy like that.

He acts different around his wife. I guess he doesn't want her to know what kind of boorish degenerate he really is by the uncouth roughians he is friends with.
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post #10 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 05:15 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

Yes but not in the way you`re asking about.

I run a crew of some very tough, outspoken alpha males.
The only way I can maintain control of this crew is to be the biggest alpha male on the job so I "live" that persona at work.

It does inject itself into my home life at times but for the most part I`m pretty easy going.
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post #11 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 05:25 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

My wife has personas.

To her family, she can be mean, disrespectful, and not very nice.

To anyone in public, she is the nicest, kindest person you would ever meet.
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post #12 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 05:32 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

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Originally Posted by tacoma View Post
Yes but not in the way you`re asking about.

I run a crew of some very tough, outspoken alpha males.
The only way I can maintain control of this crew is to be the biggest alpha male on the job so I "live" that persona at work.

It does inject itself into my home life at times but for the most part I`m pretty easy going.
This is me. I have to be the Alpha amongst Alphas. I was given that role because they will follow me to hell and back and no one else ( in my company ) knows how or wishes to deal with them.

I have a secret. I actually give a sh!t about them and they know it.

I have learned very much now how to separate those worlds.

I have learned that my wife and daughters do not always want me to fix things. They want me to listen.

This is a good thing. Men do compartmentalize in general. I abstract details and focus on things. I know women tend to want to multi-task which is fine to a point. I know that individuals vary with this generalization. In a complex technical world I have to compartmentalize. Multi-taskers come to me when there are important complex problems to solve. I abstract details and methodically deal with them with an eye on running the table.

And no, not in the way you mean.

Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty

Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-12-2012 at 11:57 PM.
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post #13 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 05:41 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

But this said, having different personas comes with wearing different hats. Even at home I can change my persona if I need to. That is good thing.

I get the question though. No I love my wife in all personas.

Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
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post #14 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-12-2012, 05:49 PM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

2 personas, work (mean, tough, spit and cuss), home (somewhat mean, tough, spit outside and cuss under my breath alot)
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post #15 of 37 (permalink) Old 04-13-2012, 08:22 AM
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Re: Husband's & Their Personas

Not really sure what you're asking here. IMO No one acts the same in every situation. I don't act the same playing basketball as I do while fishing.

“In thy foul throat thou liest.”
― William Shakespeare, Richard III

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