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Old 04-13-2012, 11:04 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: He say's 'All guys are like this' IS IT TRUE?

He is being abusive. If you choose to stay with him:
1. expect it to only get worse and
2. expect your daughter to learn that this is how a man is supposed to treat a woman.

You have low self esteem, otherwise you would not put up with this. I know because I am much like you in this respect. Go see a counselor and find out that what he is doing is not okay, normal, or healthy for you or your daughter. You are so young, and so is your daughter. Make a clean break now before you have more kids and he has hammered your self esteem into the floor. Be safe.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:10 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: He say's 'All guys are like this' IS IT TRUE?

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Originally Posted by anon1987 View Post
I'm only 24 and I feel like I've tried so many things to make it better. But I'm at the point where I'm embarassed and I am starting feel like an idiot about it now.
Aw hun...you know he is being abusive don't you.

Your parents sounds like a great option...do it soon.

Lifes too short to be treated like that!
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:11 PM   #18 (permalink)
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No, blow jobs are not the only way to show a man love. He has you snowed. a husband, who calls the mother of his child names in front of said child because of a bj - is that love???

I have to say that you are as have control of this dynamicis. When he behaves badly and curses, do you reward hom with a bj? If you do then you created a monster.

Please don't respond to his curses by rewarding him. Leave the room but don't give him a bj.

If it had anything to do with love he would be loving. Loving sex is mutual pleasure not one person servicing another. If he loves you only when you give him bj then he does not love or care about you.

Do you feel that you have exhausted all avenues to get him to wake up before he loses his family? If so then the best thing may be to separate and divorce.

At any rate, Put a temporary moratorium on bj and tell him he is about to lose his family if he does not get his priorities strait. If you feel he will force you then you will need to leave for your safety.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:23 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: He say's 'All guys are like this' IS IT TRUE?

Call the sherriff's office and ask for community resources number for women's shelter. Not that you need to go there, but they can talk with you and let you know that what he is doing is harmful to you and your child, even if he is not doing it to her. She is listening and watching. You may not believe it, but you are worth so much more than this. Be strong. You can do it.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:36 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: He say's 'All guys are like this' IS IT TRUE?

If this guy is active duty Coast Guard, he's got a Master Chief at his unit. He has a chaplain. There will be other resources on base. In short, the military has a million ways to get his attention should he ever lay an abusive hand on you. I'm sure the CG has posts in the Arctic for folks who need a little personal reflection time.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:37 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: He say's 'All guys are like this' IS IT TRUE?

Him acting like that infront on her is probably the biggest thing for me feeling like I need to leave. I never want her to grow up to be with a guy like him.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:40 PM   #22 (permalink)
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If this guy is active duty Coast Guard, he's got a Master Chief at his unit. He has a chaplain. There will be other resources on base. In short, the military has a million ways to get his attention should he ever lay an abusive hand on you. I'm sure the CG has posts in the Arctic for folks who need a little personal reflection time.
He got an honorable discharge in 2010.
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:25 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Personally i feel more connected with my wife when we make love once or twice a week. If lifes too busy and hectic because we have a 2 year old son, my wife works full time and travels almost 3hrs a day to and from work and i am a sahd because i was disabled from a back injury and had 4 surgeries in less than 2 years and we dont make love once or twice a week, then i do feel disconnected, empty, and feel bummed. Having said that, the way to get your wife to want and enjoy participating in making that time to be intimate a priority is not to put her down and verbally abuse her in front of your child no less. I try extra hard to do the things she needs such as be supportive to her, tell her how beautiful she is and how much i love and appreciate her and ask if theres anything she needs that i can help her with and then just listen to her. Also, a bj wouldnt give me the same satisfaction as giving her oral and making sure she has her orgasms first does. Does he ever give you oral to orgasm before sex or before his bj? This guy is an immature ********* who needs to either change or you need to leave.
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:36 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Hi

I have a husband like yours and we are now getting divorced. I have two young kids.

He was verbally abusive to me when any of his needs weren't being met. Not just sex (but that was a big thing) but also if he was having a bad day at work, if someone else had annoyed him, if his dinner wasn't cooked right or what he wanted - you get the picture. If you take a closer look at your guy you will probably find the same.

It isn't about love, this is about CONTROL, him being selfish and getting his needs met. He has planted the mindset in you that if you don't give him what he wants, he is going to treat you, and your daughter very badly.

Don't ever forget that verbal abuse wears away at your soul. I still hear all the names, all the put downs and threats from my husband that he gave me over the years. You do not deserve this.

I spent ten years trying to help my husband 'understand' why his actions were so hurtful and so detrimental to our relationship. I was wrong to do this. Not only was I trying to get him see something that he didn't want to, I also wasted a lot of precious energy and time.

I used to think my husband can change. He gave me lots of apologies and promises to. I don't believe he will ever change now. My advice to you would be to firstly separate. Then, your husband needs to get into an abuser program, that lasts at least 6 months. I doubt if he will though, he doesn't think there is anything wrong with his behaviour does he? Separate but don't do this with the hope that you will make him see the light. Separate because that is the right thing to do for you and your daughter, so you don't have to be abused and she doesn't think that this is normal behaviour. It isn't.

Run for the hills and take your precious daughter with you. Life is so much more peaceful for me now without all the pressure of having to live by someone else's selfish rules and living under a tyranny all the time. It could be for you as well.

I wish you all the best.

Jen

PS - some great sites out there on verbal abuse - google 'our place verbal abuse' and 'drirene.com'.
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:40 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Jen,
You hit it right on. Thank you so much for your encouraging words.
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Old 04-14-2012, 12:42 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Does he ever give you oral to orgasm before sex or before his bj?Posted via Mobile Device
The only time that he tries to please me is during sex. And it doesn't always happen then. When he get's a bj, he is the only one that gets anything.
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Old 04-14-2012, 01:11 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: He say's 'All guys are like this' IS IT TRUE?

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I'm so confused with my marriage and I really need perspectives from other people...especially men. I have been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 19. Dated for 4 years(lived together 2 of them)and we've been married for almost 5 years. We have always had alot of ups and downs and he says it's just from my lack of sexual consistancy. The thing that makes him feel the most loved is bj's. I even feel like he loves them more than he loves me and he has openly admitted that he would not be with a woman who didn't give them to him. He wants them more than anything and I now resent and hate to do them more than anything. He says every guy is like that...maybe not with bj's specifically but sex and bj's are the only way men feel loved is what he says. I feel like the big reason I dislike them so much now is because he's made me feel like if he doesn't get atleast 1 a week then there is hell to pay. And I have to finish it in my mouth...no exceptions. When he doesn't get them once a week he gets very angry and will call me names. 'F*cking B*itch' is his favorite lately...and he's now done it several times infront of our 2 year old daughter.

I'm seriously trying to decide if a divorce is best for us. There are alot of other things that go along with this thought but this is the main problem for him. Should I just continue to do it and feel like I'm a prostitute to him?

HELL NO!!! Sex is supposed to be consensual, not forced. And to answer your question not all men are like this. My husband has never asked me for a BJ ever (though he does get them).

I'm sorry to say but your husband sounds like a little child throwing a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. Please dont do anything you dont want to do. If he wants a BJ show him by your actions that calling you out of your name is not what is going to get him a BJ. Since he wants to be a child show him that calling you out of your name can get him put in the corner!!!!
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Old 04-14-2012, 01:14 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Why would you disrespect yourself like this?

It`s apparent he hasn`t a clue what love is at all.

He doesn`t love you, no man loves a woman and treats her like this.



Please no that his actions are not normal. He is trying to make them out to be like they are so that you will tolerate it.

If my husband ever called me a ***** he would get slapped and he had better hope that that's all he gets. You should not have to take that from the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with!!!!!
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Old 04-14-2012, 01:26 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Sounds like you are going to get out of this relationship. Good for you. You and your daughter deserve better.

Please get your daughter into therapy after you get out so that she doesn't grow up thinking that normal relationships are abusive.
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Old 04-14-2012, 02:14 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: He say's 'All guys are like this' IS IT TRUE?

If I ever called my wife such an awful name and then handed her my penis, I'm pretty sure I'd never see it again.
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