Husband staring at women
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Old 04-16-2012, 08:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband staring at women

A question for you guys and girls too.

How do you handle a situation where your husband is constantly checking out women who are walking down the street, into a restaurant, on TV, just wherever?

Also, the constant remarks about how pretty they are.

This has been going on for years with my husband and it is constantly increasing. It's every women he sees basically, if they are under 35ish.

I've spoken to him about it and told him it's disrespectful and he understands this. I don't know if he realizes that he's doing it half the time, it's like a reflex.

He doesn't just give a glance, he staressssssss!

Anything I can say to him that I haven't already said or what?
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Old 04-16-2012, 08:49 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Men notice other women. Glances will happen. I do it as well. Staring is a choice. We glance because it catches our eye. It's a reflex but staring isn't. You've already discussed it with him and seen no change. I would bring it up again and let him know that it still bothers you. Why? Just so that when he does it again, you can refer to it and say, "Hey, we discussed this on Tuesday, remember?"

But the next time he does it, let their be a consequence. He needs to be trained not to keep staring. If you're in a public place, do something to embarrass him. Spill water on him, pinch him or hell,... give him a slap. I bet it won't happen as much. If someone were to look at the two of you when he is staring at another women, I assume you would be embarrassed/disrespected. Unless he experiences the same feeling, I don't this his staring will change.

If you want, you can even be generous and warn him beforehand ...during your talk. Tell him, " If you continue to disrespect me, by staring at other women and commenting about their looks... I will embarrass you in public until you stop."

I'm only suggesting an action, because words have already failed. It's going one ear and out the other. Perhaps an action will be more of a shock.

Last edited by occasionallybaffled; 04-16-2012 at 09:49 PM.
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Old 04-16-2012, 10:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Do other men check YOU out?

If not, there may be a problem here of your own making.
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Old 04-16-2012, 10:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Agreed it is disrespectful and unproductive. To understand it, it would help to know a little more about your relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused55 View Post
A question for you guys and girls too.

How do you handle a situation where your husband is constantly checking out women who are walking down the street, into a restaurant, on TV, just wherever?

Also, the constant remarks about how pretty they are.

This has been going on for years with my husband and it is constantly increasing. It's every women he sees basically, if they are under 35ish.

I've spoken to him about it and told him it's disrespectful and he understands this. I don't know if he realizes that he's doing it half the time, it's like a reflex.

He doesn't just give a glance, he staressssssss!

Anything I can say to him that I haven't already said or what?
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Old 04-16-2012, 10:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Quote:
Originally Posted by reggis View Post
Do other men check YOU out?

If not, there may be a problem here of your own making.
I don't see the point you are trying to make. I'd like to ask for you to elaborate, but as it stands... it seems completely irrelevant.
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Old 04-16-2012, 11:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

You get a sense that the deliberateness of this indicates other problems. The book the Five Languages of Love gave an analagous situation. A wife wanted her husband to clean the garage. Each weekend she asked him what he was doing, and reminded him to clean the garage but it didn't get done to her frustration. Why didn't he understand she asked the counselor.

He suggested that she compliment him on other things. But what about the garage, she asked, he suggested that she not worry about it. In about three weeks, it got done, he felt better as did she.

Here, it seems like in a frustrating marriage, he is doing this delibderately, you comment, he does it more, you comment again, and he continues to do it.
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Old 04-16-2012, 11:11 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused55 View Post

This has been going on for years with my husband and it is constantly increasing. It's every women he sees basically, if they are under 35ish.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby5000 View Post

He suggested that she compliment him on other things. But what about the garage, she asked, he suggested that she not worry about it. In about three weeks, it got done, he felt better as did she.
Problem is he's been doing it for years. It's become a habit and habits are never easy to break.
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Old 04-16-2012, 11:35 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Have YOU tried checking out other men? DON'T STARE at them, but make sure you comment to your husband (only) on PLENTY of them. "Wow, he's got a great ass/nice legs/big pecs."

Do it repeatedly the entire time you're out (a day of shopping, dinner out, etc.) See if he reacts to it. If he doesn't, repeat the exercise the next time you're out. If he DOES react, tell him you've been listening to it for 35 years and he can either knock it off, or listen to a whole lot more of it...'cuz you've got 35 more years worth to catch up on.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:03 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Quote:
Originally Posted by reggis View Post
Do other men check YOU out?

If not, there may be a problem here of your own making.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Quote:
Originally Posted by reggis View Post
Do other men check YOU out?

If not, there may be a problem here of your own making.
Maybe because it's late I'm not quite getting this...but are you insinuating that maybe the OP needs to "sexy up" herself; and that in doing so, it stands to reason that her H will stop looking at other women because he will be staring at her? If so, that's the biggest crock of shet I've heard in a long time. Her H stares at other women, even knowing it makes her feel disrespected, because he doesn't care about her feelings and is a disrespectful person. He indulges in his wants with no regard for how it makes her feel.

We're not talking some innocent glance here; we're talking a blatant display of disrespect REPEATEDLY over years. It is no more her fault that her husband is disrespectful than it is mine that it rained today. To suggest otherwise is ridiculous.

If I'm way off base and reading your comment wrong, please accept my apology. I won't post again until tomorrow morning, after I've had my coffee. As someone with a spouse who engages in this behavior often, and has for many years, without me doing anything to cause it, this just got my panties in a bunch in that I'm reading this as you suggesting it's somehow her fault that her husband is an a$$.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

SlowlyGettingWiser

Do what the above poster says.I look at woman also but do it in a way not to be noticed.My wife says did you see that woman and I say what woman and she says that is why I married you [lol]and let me tell you its pretty hard not to stare if you are on a topless beach[ha ha] but I still can hold back with only a quick glance[ha ha].
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Old 04-17-2012, 02:31 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

He has set the "respect" bar very low. Mimic his behavior by obviously checking out and making inappropriate comments about men. If that doesn't get his attention, next time he makes a comment about some woman, tell her "hey my husband likes your ___! This is especially effective if she happens to be walking beside her large, ex-con boyfriend.
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Old 04-17-2012, 03:40 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

He's been disrespectful to you in this regard for years. This, for me, is major. Maybe sit him down and say that if his behavior continues, you are seriously going to rethink about staying married. Don't budge. Don't over-explain. Just tell him matter-of-fact. If he does it again while you're out together, walk out on him without a word.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:28 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

This is a problem especially if you have brought it up and he continues to act and be rude about it let alone obvious. I check out women all the time but i am going to be frank most women as are most people are not attractive in the world. So its not like i am always looking at everyone or every woman when we go out its actually very very rarely do i see someone else that i view as attractive.

However i do not comment "she is hot" or "she is pretty"

Why would a man do that especially in front of his wife? that is just rude and asking to hurt her feelings. I surely think those things in my head at dinner for example but i wont blatantly stare for periods of time and i will not make comments about her in front of my wife that is just rude and disrespectful .
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:40 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband staring at women

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused55 View Post
A question for you guys and girls too.

How do you handle a situation where your husband is constantly checking out women who are walking down the street, into a restaurant, on TV, just wherever?

Also, the constant remarks about how pretty they are.

This has been going on for years with my husband and it is constantly increasing. It's every women he sees basically, if they are under 35ish.

I've spoken to him about it and told him it's disrespectful and he understands this. I don't know if he realizes that he's doing it half the time, it's like a reflex.

He doesn't just give a glance, he staressssssss!

Anything I can say to him that I haven't already said or what?
Itís a boundary thing. And simply by continuing to be with him after heís trashed your boundary by staring at women, you kind of give him the ok to do it again.


So next time when youíre out shopping, eating in a restaurant or somewhere where itís easy for you and the timing is right, just walk away and spend time by yourself for a few hours where he canít reach you. If he comes after you just tell him not to harass you and leave you alone.


He may get it first time you do it, it make take a few times of just walking away. What youíre teaching him is that when he stares at other women you will not be by his side.
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