My first "opportunity" was out drinking with a friend of mine at the opening of a new upscale bar. The place was packed. Trying to make my way to the bathroom, I ended up squished together with a girl I thought was hot. The crowd kept sort of pushing me up against her and I kept saying I'm sorry and we made some small talk till we got free.
A little later on after I returned from a conversation with some other friends of mine I saw there, and there is my buddy talking to the apparent girlfriend of the girl I was squished against. He introduced them, and I said of the one, "We've already met". And she said "Yeah, we're already intimately acquainted" and described the situation and we had some laughs.
Then we're just hanging out talking and she's flirting with me pretty hard... sexual innuendo and what not. That's an opportunity. I'm pretty sure if I was trying I could have made something happen that night and its EXTREMELY tempting.
Then there's opportunities that come along waiting in line at Starbucks or something. When attractive women flirt with you it can be hard to resist flirting back and sitting with someone. I've had several occassions I was tempted to get a phone number.
I had a business trip once with a hot co-worker who I was sure was flirting with me the whole trip. Then one night we all went out to have a couple drinks before going back to the hotel. She was drinking pretty heavily and I was bumming cigarettes from her. She would jokingly hug me, touch my leg, swat me on the butt, provacative body language, sexual hints etc. End of the night comes and we're walking back to the hotel and she reminds me I owe her a pack of cigarettes. I agree and try to get her to walk over to the convenience store near the hotel. She says she doesn't want to walk all the way over there and that I can just bring them by her room. If I would have taken those cigs to her room I garantee we would have had sex. That's an opportunity. I knew I wouldn't be able to say no in person so I opted to give them to her in the morning.
There are opportunities that come when you're not looking for them.
Not looking for them? Hug touch and swat you all night and you say not looking for them? If a person did that to me I would say stop I am married. You were looking for them or you say I am not okay with this.
OK Browncoat… For I am beginning to understand what you are talking about now. Over the weekend, I volunteered for an event that I would have to camp out overnight. This was a huge event. It didn’t take long before a MARRIED” woman started working on my team. She didn’t have to…but she did.
The whole day she kept on finding ways to be near me, looking at me, smiling… She was kinda quiet and didn’t talk a whole lot but it got my brain thinking of things that was not smart. In the morning her hubby was off and I stayed behind pack up and clean and who was there? That woman who was still looking at me every time I looked in her direction.
Now to your point… Was I looking at her first and she liked the attention? Was I giving off a “Vibe” And just didn’t know it? I hate to say this but if she or I were the aggressive type and started a real conversation, who knows…
Later on her hubby was there and soon it was night time and she put her cot along with her hubbies just a few feet from mine. There were over 50 cots in the tent. I noticed she was looking at me throughout the night.
I am sooo hungry for attention and feeling desired because I don’t get any from home, which is why I am on TAM. The time and opportunity was there. I definitely was attracted to her and she seemed attracted to me. I created the situation.
Not looking for them? Hug touch and swat you all night and you say not looking for them? If a person did that to me I would say stop I am married. You were looking for them or you say I am not okay with this.
Good luck with that. I'm just telling you that's not how its gonna pan out for most guys and in my examples, I absolutely wasn't looking. Most guys are not going to disrupt the social outing to stop a hot girl from hitting on them. Its not only awkward if you're certain she's making moves on you, it would be downright embarrassing when she says "Uh... I'm not coming on to you" which she's bound to do if confronted.
Where exactly is the line? A hug? A swat on the butt while drinking with friends? Its not so clear cut as you'd think. You may be getting a feeling that someone's flirting, but you're rarely positive until it gets pretty overt... but by then, you only recognize it because you suddenly realize you want her. It can and does sneak up on you.
Almost nobody is going to be confrontational about it. The way out is to leave... and that's what I've done in the past.
My Time line on my post was a little off in my post. I am working my my editing skills.
I have no idea if she was interested or not. Either way, we were both married. I couldn't leave what I was doing, I was there first. Even while her hubby was there, she was still looking. BUT... I liked it!
All of this was over a 24 hour period. I know I would have been embarrassed if I would have said something.
No, I'm not trying to define opportunity aside from just what the word implies. An opportunity to have (unpaid for) sexual encounter (anything physical) with someone not your wife.
I brought up this thread, because I heard a number of guys purport that they had all this opportunity to cheat. Was trying to figure out what the heck they were talking about.
Since then a few folks have posted some interesting stories that poked a hole in my theory (that opportunity isn't there unless you look for it). That was exactly what I was looking for though, ordinary stories of ordinary people where "opportunity" sprung up... even though they were just going about their ordinary lives.
I understand better what you mean by opportunity. I tend to think my early examples don't qualify, but that is in part because I did not pursue to see if my "opportunity" would have led to an "opportunity." I think for every opportunity to cheat, there are a lot false opportunities, if you will, where pursuing was shut down.
Good luck with that. I'm just telling you that's not how its gonna pan out for most guys and in my examples, I absolutely wasn't looking. Most guys are not going to disrupt the social outing to stop a hot girl from hitting on them. Its not only awkward if you're certain she's making moves on you, it would be downright embarrassing when she says "Uh... I'm not coming on to you" which she's bound to do if confronted.
Where exactly is the line? A hug? A swat on the butt while drinking with friends? Its not so clear cut as you'd think. You may be getting a feeling that someone's flirting, but you're rarely positive until it gets pretty overt... but by then, you only recognize it because you suddenly realize you want her. It can and does sneak up on you.
Almost nobody is going to be confrontational about it. The way out is to leave... and that's what I've done in the past.
You were looking and if you didnt want to upset friends then that says more about your marriage above any thing. You worth your friends more.
Apparently, I'm doing something horribly wrong here. I've been single for a year, and haven't had any situations where a girl was hitting on me. It's not like I haven't been on dates (that's a story for another time). I apparently really really need some of AEFH's mojo.
You were looking and if you didnt want to upset friends then that says more about your marriage above any thing. You worth your friends more.
Lady, you're not in my head, so don't tell me what I'm thinking. If I was looking I would have closed the deal with one of the women in my examples. I didn't, I decided to leave the situation.
You're naive if you think opportunities to cheat don't come up without looking for them. There are plenty of sexually assertive women, and EVERY guy likes the attention... especially if he's not getting much attention at home.
Lady, you're not in my head, so don't tell me what I'm thinking. If I was looking I would have closed the deal with one of the women in my examples. I didn't, I decided to leave the situation.
You're naive if you think opportunities to cheat don't come up without looking for them. There are plenty of sexually assertive women, and EVERY guy likes the attention... especially if he's not getting much attention at home.
Im not telling you what you think I am reading what you write. 5 girlfriends within marriage and you think you leave the situation? Are you a comic?
2. Dinners, either for work or with friends. Flirting with waitresses. I had a waitress give me her number recently, but I wasn't wearing my ring that night (not for shady reasons, I lost it).
3. At the play place with my kids, never gone there without my wife and not gotten hit on.
4. Baby sitting for wife's friend, she came home without my wife and threw out the vibe. Another of her friend is giving me the vibe recently, if I wanted to cheat I would only have to get her alone.
There's always opportunities to do the wrong thing.
2. Dinners, either for work or with friends. Flirting with waitresses. I had a waitress give me her number recently, but I wasn't wearing my ring that night (not for shady reasons, I lost it).
3. At the play place with my kids, never gone there without my wife and not gotten hit on.
4. Baby sitting for wife's friend, she came home without my wife and threw out the vibe. Another of her friend is giving me the vibe recently, if I wanted to cheat I would only have to get her alone.
There's always opportunities to do the wrong thing.
there are also lots of opportunities to misread someone's signals when you are LOOKING to do the wrong thing.
Honestly, there aren't many times that I go out to a bar, club, social gathering, etc. and don't at least get "vibes" from a woman. If you make a lot of eye contact you'll notice it. There's a difference between being friendly and a woman getting a "twinkle" in the eye. Damn if the twinkle has ever lied to me before.
Im not telling you what you think I am reading what you write. 5 girlfriends within marriage and you think you leave the situation? Are you a comic?
Are you slow? I said I wasn't looking. You say I was. Do you know what I'm thinking?
Every example opportunity I gave in this thread was from my previous *12 years* of faithful marriage. I didn't "start looking" until 6 months ago after having been a very unhappy husband for 6 years... and even then only because an "opportunity" I wasn't looking for presented itself and I decided I liked the attention. I avoided FAR more opportunities in the years I was happily married than I had affairs in the years I was unhappy, so I really don't care what you think. I've decided that its not worth it to stay faithfully unhappy with someone who pays you no attention.
Take the bitter sanctimonious attitude elsewhere, I'm not wasting any more time on you.
Apparently, I'm doing something horribly wrong here. I've been single for a year, and haven't had any situations where a girl was hitting on me. It's not like I haven't been on dates (that's a story for another time). I apparently really really need some of AEFH's mojo.
Well, if you, then me also. Women don't "hit on me"... not when I'm single and not when I'm married. That isn't to say that some women don't find me attractive... obviously at least one did seeing as I'm married now. But I wouldn't think of it as "hitting on me". We were at a party. We started talking. We liked each other. One thing led to another.
Interestingly though, that answer got me thinking. I mean Carol did proposition me for sex. I declined. I wonder if I don't see such things as "being hit on" simply because I see myself as in control of myself and the world around me. I just saw it as her expressing interest that I did not, at that time, share.
No woman has ever done anything even remotely like that when I was married (and not in the final stages of divorce). I think I just bleed "hugely taken vibes". It'd take a real trooper (and an emotional masochist) to want to pursue.
there are also lots of opportunities to misread someone's signals when you are LOOKING to do the wrong thing.
lol jeez Yeah, every time we perceive someone to be coming on to us its really misreading signals because we're looking to cheat. <sarcasm> Really??? Does that apply to women to? If someone is flirting with you is it because you're looking? My goodness where do you people come up with this crap? Heaven knows there aren't any sexually assertive women in this world who will flirt with a guy they find attactive. Shameless! Scandalous! smh
You can misread signals whether you're looking to do the wrong thing or not. As someone who stopped avoiding those signals, I can say without any doubt that we're not misreading much.
If one was looking to do the wrong thing, these wouldn't have been opportunities, they would be a bedpost notches.
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Re: Opportunity for cheating men 
Yeah, every time we perceive someone to be coming on to us its really misreading signals because we're looking to cheat. <sarcasm> Really??? Does that apply to women to? If someone is flirting with you is it because you're looking? My goodness where do you people come up with this crap? Heaven knows there aren't any sexually assertive women in this world who will flirt with a guy they find attactive. 
