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Old 04-17-2012, 02:54 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Opportunity for cheating men

Well seeing how men generally through history approach women its safe to say most men who cheat and will have an affair go looking for the woman. In turn they are met with a woman that is okay with it or in the cases of women cheating they go looking for it. There are plenty of opportunities to cheat basically anytime you are not with your spouse you could if you truly wanted to, however a good amount of them would involve you going to LOOK FOR IT.

Escorts- cost money
Strippers- for extra money
Bars- with easy loose girls
Clubs- look for easy loose girls
Swinger sites, hook up sites- can find someone who wants to bang

^ of course all of those involve the man to actively seek the women of course that is the case in any cheating affair case you have to consent. Other than those id say work or group things are best way's to meet women and strike up friendships which may turn into affair's. Through work you can meet flirt with same women regularly gauge which ones are okay with the married men flirting with them and than go after the ones who are open to your gestures and it can lead to more. Same goes with the gym and personal trainers. I think most men who cheat go looking for it of course i think very very few just happen to stumble upon some woman at work and than she pulls him aside begging for him. I think for men and women when they cheat they go looking for it 9/10 times. I do not believe the "i was hurt and tired and lonely and ____ showed up and i could not control myself")

I still have yet to hear of the man who went out to the bar with some buddies and than 5 hot women surround him and beg to share him in bed. In that case it would be very very hard to turn down such a situation. But how many men does that happen to?

Last edited by Goldmember357; 04-17-2012 at 03:00 AM.
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:03 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Not sure I buy the theory that those hit on are doing something, or giving off vibes that make them get hit on. Instead, I think some people are more aware of body language and other non-verbals. I tend to be very aware of non-verbals, but wouldn't call it "being hit on" just because I sense some lingering glances or some of the other non-verbal cues. My wife will sometimes ask if I'm seeing something "off" between a couple of people, especially since I tried to get her to talk to her sister about her affair with a friend of the family, which seemed obvious to us, but not her husband for a few months.

We frequently entertain friends and try to set up things with people we come to trust as friends. Sometimes, there have been situations where someone has crossed the line, but my wife and I will let each other know that we're getting uncomfortable if someone begins to behave questionably.

We had moved to a new area once, and friends from work asked if I would lead the group in rafting/canoeing down a river across the state, where I grew up. I began to notice that a few of the people were not our types of friends. My wife was intimidated by some of the flirting by one guy, and a woman who always seemed to be neaby while we were floating suddenly got a case of wayward hands. We ended the trip early. There were other times. When my wife and I were struggling in the marriage a couple of years ago, one of her friends stopped by during a day when my wife was at a memorial "just to check up on her", and was pretty direct about telling me that her husband never wanted sex, and "that she was there for me". I told my wife about it. There were others, but I've always felt like my committment to my wife was one of the few things in life that I could consistently give her, and I have.
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:23 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Opportunity for cheating men

I got hit on a lot. In fact so much so I had T-shirts printed with “Stay Away from Me!” on the front and “Hands Off!” on the back. But that just seemed to encourage them even more.

If you’re good looking and desirable you’re going to get hit on and you’re going to get tempted. I’m sure it happened to my wife more often than it did me.

It’s like everything in life. It’s not what happens to you that makes you who you are. It’s your responses to things that happen to you that makes you who you are.
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:26 AM   #19 (permalink)
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So in the thread asking if all men cheat, I noticed a number of folks talk about how they have opportunities to cheat. I guess as a father and a husband I was trying to figure out where this "opportunity" was outside of perhaps work (even then you have to commit to going out alone with someone there, unless you make house calls). Frankly the rest of the time most fathers I don't think have opportunity, unless they are looking to cheat on their wives. Though maybe I live in a bubble so I thought I would ask.

Here are the tasks I typically engage in outside the home (and let's face it most women do go into married men's houses and try and pickup the husband for an affair).

Going shopping (hardware or groceries), I get things hardly talk to anyone. Not like women randomly pickup men there... sorry never seen it or heard of it.

Dropping/Picking up kids at school, which means I sit in my car and inch forward until I get my kids. Zero opportunity to even talk to a woman.

Gym, no one talks or hardly looks at anyone else. I don't see men or women going around hitting on folks there... people just go, work out, and leave.

Church... really is that a big pickup spot? If so, I'd say you're only reason for being there is not religion... again you're explicitly looking for it. I've gone to church all my life, and in that time only heard of one affair (albeit it was a youth pastor and his secretary so I'd file that more under "work" rather than "church").

Rest of the time it's time spent with kids or just around the home... because most Dads have little time for other things.

I could imagine some would mention business trips. I've been on a number, it's not hard to just go back to your hotel after the day is done and get on the phone to your wife. That's what I do... oh unless you are proactively looking for a woman to cheat with.

So again my question is where is this "opportunity" to cheat, unless the father goes looking for women proactively. Just curious (not that I want to cheat just don't understand what the issue is).
They do???
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:26 AM   #20 (permalink)
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So again my question is where is this "opportunity" to cheat, unless the father goes looking for women proactively. Just curious (not that I want to cheat just don't understand what the issue is).
For me it`s mostly work, purveyors, employees, sales people.

I get the "How do you use this machine?" at the gym every so often as well.

Every couple of months or so I get baited by some ex on Facebook

Opportunity abounds.
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:30 AM   #21 (permalink)
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I still have yet to hear of the man who went out to the bar with some buddies and than 5 hot women surround him and beg to share him in bed. In that case it would be very very hard to turn down such a situation. But how many men does that happen to?
Fantasy.
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:39 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Your experience was QUITE vast in comparison to my husbands.... and why so BOLD then... .and somehow quiet NOW ?? Fall into the nice guy thing? or just cause you are marreid, there is nothing to be Bold about.... I assume you are still bold in other areas, your work, etc. Generally these temperment traits remain.

Mine met me when he was 18, I was just 15...in a new school cafeteria...he was so still shy back then, but he still put himself out there and asked me to go with him within days of us meeting.

I give him alot of credit for that, he told me a few years ago -he expected me to say NO, but was afraid I would get grabbed up if he didn't ask quickly, he says he had no confidence at all. How funny is that.... I remember running into the bathroom right after thinking wildly to myself ... "Oh my , I hardly know him... what do I say... Hmmmm, then I thought to myself... well .."he is cute enough behind those big glasses".. so I said "Yes". that was our beginning a long long time ago...30 yrs ago.

He only had 2 insignificant gf's before me, I was the 3rd girl he ever tried to snatch. Third times a charm!
I can be open and talk to anyone at anytime. Around people I know well I can be quite loquacious, lol my wife probably wants me to talk less than I do sometimes.

It's around people I don't know I just prefer to get a feel about someone before I open my mouth. If I want something I will speak right up (like some gal I wanted to date when I was single). It's just a lot more comfortable for me to be quiet though, and in crowded situations I get very quiet... it's then when I feel most shy. I've always preferred to talk to folks 1 or 2 at a time.

To be honest I find people fascinating, and I really love watching and listening to people. If I do all the talking I just get to see folks staring at me and I don't get to hear what they have to say.

I think everyone does this either wittingly or not, but around people I don't know well I tend to alter my demeanor to make them more comfortable. This requires that I do a lot of listening, which I enjoy anyway. If they are serious minded, I'll be serious back, if they are more jovial I'll joke around, if they have a particular interest I prefer to talk about things they like to talk about (and even if I don't know a darn thing about it, I'll just ask them about w/e it is... people love to go on and on about what they are interested in), etc.

To be honest I think a lot of that goes back to when I was a kid moving around to different schools a fair bit from 3rd to 9th grade I went to 5 schools. Found out that if you didn't want to get beaten up... best to keep your mouth closed and your ears open when you were the new kid.
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:01 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Opportunity for cheating men

A hound is a hound. If he wants to cheat he will find the opportunity and the time to do so. It doesn't matter how busy he is, it'll happen. President Bill Clinton is the poster boy for it. Probably the busiest man in the word at the time, with nearly every second of his day scheduled and still........

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Old 04-17-2012, 08:11 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Opportunity for cheating men

Browncoat if there are really so few opportunities how is it there is so much cheating going on?
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:36 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I can be open and talk to anyone at anytime. Around people I know well I can be quite loquacious, lol my wife probably wants me to talk less than I do sometimes.

It's around people I don't know I just prefer to get a feel about someone before I open my mouth. If I want something I will speak right up (like some gal I wanted to date when I was single). It's just a lot more comfortable for me to be quiet though, and in crowded situations I get very quiet... it's then when I feel most shy. I've always preferred to talk to folks 1 or 2 at a time.

To be honest I find people fascinating, and I really love watching and listening to people. If I do all the talking I just get to see folks staring at me and I don't get to hear what they have to say.

I think everyone does this either wittingly or not, but around people I don't know well I tend to alter my demeanor to make them more comfortable. This requires that I do a lot of listening, which I enjoy anyway. If they are serious minded, I'll be serious back, if they are more jovial I'll joke around, if they have a particular interest I prefer to talk about things they like to talk about (and even if I don't know a darn thing about it, I'll just ask them about w/e it is... people love to go on and on about what they are interested in), etc.
Are you ME ??? --- I would describe myself EXACTLY the same as this.....(everything in green)... Had to look up >> " loquacious". Yep, some would accuse me of being that. I hope not all.. that defintion is bordering on a chatter box.....to being "articulate"- expressing yourself by clear expressive language.
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:48 AM   #26 (permalink)
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I am friendly and outgoing, so I connect well with people, even those I don't know. It is hard to draw a line between this, and being flirtatious, so I've had situations where women have come on to me.

I find it relatively easy to avoid allowing this to ever go beyond that:

No matter what I am doing, I always think to myself "How would I act if my wife was sitting here with me?" and that really helps out a lot. If there is anything that seems even remotely questionable, I refrain from doing it. I will bring up my wife in conversations with other women if it appears they are not getting the hint. If this doesn't work, I will extract myself and leave. It isn't that I don't trust myself, it just makes me uncomfortable to be in a situation where someone is hitting on me repeatedly.
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:53 AM   #27 (permalink)
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I think for men and women when they cheat they go looking for it 9/10 times. I do not believe the "i was hurt and tired and lonely and ____ showed up and i could not control myself")
I feel when a good person cheats, and Yes.... I feel GOOD People can fall into something (many many say ...Oh it can never happen to me..then when it does, they eat those words).....it is born out of lonliness, a cold rejecting spouse at home, where they are dying inside....they feel unloved, worthless even, another is friendly to them, someone shows they care....we all have emotions and a sex drive... one thing does lead to another.... we are only human....

When you find yourself in the desert in your own home....months , years at a time...water starts looking pretty damn good outside your doors. But yeah, better to leave those spouses! I am not the cheater type.. but I do not feel I am above falling into something if my husband made me feel like dirt everyday, rejected me continously ,If I was bordering depression over feeling I was worthless... No, that temptation might be too damn much to bare. But I know me.. I would cause so much hell over my unhappiness, raising the roof off of the house...he'd know exactly where I was heading. One thing I am .... is honest.

I feel this is an excellent book, an excellent author, though many will be insulted by it's title:

When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships : Mira Kirshenbaum: Books
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Old 04-17-2012, 08:56 AM   #28 (permalink)
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let me preface this by saying that this isn't always the case, so if you have been hit on, no need to get defensive, it's probably not you. ;-) however, I think that many people who get hit on, especially when they say they've had lots of opportunities to cheat, send off a certain "accessibility" vibe.
This is what my friend said. She said since she's been separated she's studied men. She said she can pick out a happily married COMMITTED man in a nanosecond. They don't give her a second glance and she's a head turner.

Bottom line is they are accessible and since she's single yes she had that vibe.
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Old 04-17-2012, 09:06 AM   #29 (permalink)
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I feel when a good person cheats, and Yes.... I feel GOOD People can fall into something (many many say ...Oh it can never happen to me..then when it does, they eat those words).....it is born out of lonliness, a cold rejecting spouse at home, where they are dying inside....they feel unloved, worthless even, another is friendly to them, someone shows they care....we all have emotions and a sex drive... one thing does lead to another.... we are only human....

When you find yourself in the desert in your own home....months , years at a time...water starts looking pretty damn good outside your doors. But yeah, better to leave those spouses! I am not the cheater type.. but I do not feel I am above falling into something if my husband made me feel like dirt everyday, rejected me continously ,If I was bordering depression over feeling I was worthless... No, that temptation might be too damn much to bare. But I know me.. I would cause so much hell over my unhappiness, raising the roof off of the house...he'd know exactly where I was heading. One thing I am .... is honest.

I feel this is an excellent book, an excellent author, though many will be insulted by it's title:

When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships : Mira Kirshenbaum: Books
I bolded a portion of this to point something out: If you do not communicate your feelings to your spouse you are just as responsible for your own misery as your spouse is for your perception of the situation.

I believed for 7 years that I had a perfect marriage, the last five of which were when I got back from Iraq, and my wife was not happy with me, and failed to ever tell me how unhappy she was, and when asked would deny it had anything to do with me. Through counseling we both realized we were equally to blame for what happened, but it didn't make it any less devastating for me.

This is not to imply anything about anyone else's relationship, but given my own situation, my wife was ready to leave me, while I was going along all 'happy go lucky' not realizing that anything was wrong. It was like getting broadsided by a cement truck, especially with everything that happened that I didn't know about leading up to 'revelation day', as I would call it.
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Old 04-17-2012, 09:54 AM   #30 (permalink)
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So in the thread asking if all men cheat, I noticed a number of folks talk about how they have opportunities to cheat. I guess as a father and a husband I was trying to figure out where this "opportunity" was outside of perhaps work (even then you have to commit to going out alone with someone there, unless you make house calls). Frankly the rest of the time most fathers I don't think have opportunity, unless they are looking to cheat on their wives. Though maybe I live in a bubble so I thought I would ask.

Here are the tasks I typically engage in outside the home (and let's face it most women do go into married men's houses and try and pickup the husband for an affair).

Going shopping (hardware or groceries), I get things hardly talk to anyone. Not like women randomly pickup men there... sorry never seen it or heard of it.

Dropping/Picking up kids at school, which means I sit in my car and inch forward until I get my kids. Zero opportunity to even talk to a woman.

Gym, no one talks or hardly looks at anyone else. I don't see men or women going around hitting on folks there... people just go, work out, and leave.

Church... really is that a big pickup spot? If so, I'd say you're only reason for being there is not religion... again you're explicitly looking for it. I've gone to church all my life, and in that time only heard of one affair (albeit it was a youth pastor and his secretary so I'd file that more under "work" rather than "church").

Rest of the time it's time spent with kids or just around the home... because most Dads have little time for other things.

I could imagine some would mention business trips. I've been on a number, it's not hard to just go back to your hotel after the day is done and get on the phone to your wife. That's what I do... oh unless you are proactively looking for a woman to cheat with.

So again my question is where is this "opportunity" to cheat, unless the father goes looking for women proactively. Just curious (not that I want to cheat just don't understand what the issue is).
If by opportunity, you mean seeing a potential opportunity, then yes to all those things you mention and more. A couple that jumped to my mind immediately were while I was with my kids of all things. In both cases, a single woman casually struck up a conversation where our kids were playing together. Nothing overt, but in both cases it seem like more than just commenting on Johnny and Billy playing together. I quickly made sure to mention my wife and how we loved our kids, and both backed off. I have no reason to think it was anything other than checking to see if I was single (one I specifically remember holding stuff so no wedding ring was visible), but who knows? Had I wanted to, it was a potential opportunity to see if more was on the table. In that sense, I see those as opportunities to cheat.
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