So in the thread asking if all men cheat, I noticed a number of folks talk about how they have opportunities to cheat. I guess as a father and a husband I was trying to figure out where this "opportunity" was outside of perhaps work (even then you have to commit to going out alone with someone there, unless you make house calls). Frankly the rest of the time most fathers I don't think have opportunity, unless they are looking to cheat on their wives. Though maybe I live in a bubble so I thought I would ask.
Here are the tasks I typically engage in outside the home (and let's face it most women do go into married men's houses and try and pickup the husband for an affair).
Going shopping (hardware or groceries), I get things hardly talk to anyone. Not like women randomly pickup men there... sorry never seen it or heard of it.
Dropping/Picking up kids at school, which means I sit in my car and inch forward until I get my kids. Zero opportunity to even talk to a woman.
Gym, no one talks or hardly looks at anyone else. I don't see men or women going around hitting on folks there... people just go, work out, and leave.
Church... really is that a big pickup spot? If so, I'd say you're only reason for being there is not religion... again you're explicitly looking for it. I've gone to church all my life, and in that time only heard of one affair (albeit it was a youth pastor and his secretary so I'd file that more under "work" rather than "church").
Rest of the time it's time spent with kids or just around the home... because most Dads have little time for other things.
I could imagine some would mention business trips. I've been on a number, it's not hard to just go back to your hotel after the day is done and get on the phone to your wife. That's what I do... oh unless you are proactively looking for a woman to cheat with.
So again my question is where is this "opportunity" to cheat, unless the father goes looking for women proactively. Just curious (not that I want to cheat just don't understand what the issue is).
For me, at least, I don't differentiate my life into "zones". I meet lots of women all the time just as I pass through life. Some of them like me. Some of those I like in return. The "opportunity" is there pretty much constantly.
I can't recall a time when some woman has actually propositioned me though (ignoring the hooker in the strip club). I have three possible reasons for this:
a) I'm an ugly troll.
b) You can't be around me for more than 5 minutes without hearing about how much I love Carol.
c) It does subtly happen and I just don't notice.
Maybe I'm saved from the ordeal by being an ugly troll? That works for me.
My friend told me there is this code, this look that men give when they are open to an affair. They seek women out to see if that look is returned. It's almost a secret language that is unnoticable to those of us in committed happy marriages.
I didn't believe her so I began to be more aware and to my shock she's right. I saw it. This married man did it to ME.
My husband works very long unpredicatable hours and I'm a homemaker. Plenty of opportunities for either of us to cheat. I've had friends that cheated and it doesn't take as much time as you think it would. Had one female friend meet up with a guy once a week for sex. What did that take? An hour....at the most? For me that's a trip to Wal-mart. LOL
*chuckles* Bummer. So that's a turn off to women? I fear, then, that I'm doomed to be stuck with Carol because I really don't know how to not burble about her.
let me preface this by saying that this isn't always the case, so if you have been hit on, no need to get defensive, it's probably not you. ;-) however, I think that many people who get hit on, especially when they say they've had lots of opportunities to cheat, send off a certain "accessibility" vibe. I don't mean that they necessarily walk around consciously wanting to cheat, or even wanting to be hit on..but that they are more open and innately flirtatious, or maybe even just the type that likes attention..be it sexual or other. They carry themselves and relate to people in every day situations differently then do the men like you, OP, describe yourself...and through this they send off a message that they MIGHT be willing to cheat...even though this might not be the case.
That was my thought, it doesn't seem like it's something that happens much otherwise.
Livnlearn, yeah I know in my case I don't give off any "will cheat" vibe. I tend to be quiet around folks I don't know well. Still I've not even known any friends to whom temptation has come knocking. It must be the circle I run in.
I've worked at the same company for over 13 years now, and to my knowledge there's not once been an office affair in my division (because if there was one discovered the employees would likely be let go), which over the years has been fairly sizable (100+ people). Then again it's mostly men.
Browncoat - I've read that most affairs start at work and start off as friendships....
I worked in the fitness industry for years and I can assure you there is ALOT of sex going on. Quite often with the personal trainers.... not all of them...I was one for years and never shagged any clients but i know it goes on... and often.
another thing I wanted to add..sometimes people THINK they are being hit on, but they are mistaken. When I started my current job, within the first week a man took me aside and asked me if I was interested in "fooling around". I was pretty shocked because I am pretty reserved and definitely don't send off a "might cheat" vibe. I told him "no" and steered clear of him after that. I later found out that the reason he asked me is that he thought I was hitting on him. He told others, "I've never had anyone ask me so fast if I was married". Now I DID ask him if he was married the first time I talked to him..just like I ask most people upon meeting if they are married, have kids, in school..etc.. just as a basis for starting a conversation. Some people though, hear what they want to hear.
I do see guys hitting on women all the time at the gym. Some are personal trainers. I have my headphones on and am focused on lifting.
I think if men go out to cheat they either go solo or have a wingman and hit the trendy bars / clubs. This probably depends on the social status of the guy. Maybe Jim Bob goes boot scooten. Idunno.
another thing I wanted to add..sometimes people THINK they are being hit on, but they are mistaken. When I started my current job, within the first week a man took me aside and asked me if I was interested in "fooling around". I was pretty shocked because I am pretty reserved and definitely don't send off a "might cheat" vibe. I told him "no" and steered clear of him after that. I later found out that the reason he asked me is that he thought I was hitting on him. He told others, "I've never had anyone ask me so fast if I was married". Now I DID ask him if he was married the first time I talked to him..just like I ask most people upon meeting if they are married, have kids, in school..etc.. just as a basis for starting a conversation. Some people though, hear what they want to hear.
Guys always think they are doing great. Seriously. It is part of how guys are wired. Part of the reason some of us feel our wives need to make it very clear where things stand.
Browncoat- my husband would likely THINK along the same lines as you did in your post, take away the gym and he could care less about church, his opportunities would be as limited as your personal list.
He is a quiet man who generally allows for someone else to start the conversation even. Always the cheerful responder but generally not the Open liner.... A woman would likely have to come on to him to even get him to open his mouth.
Browncoat- my husband would likely THINK along the same lines as you did in your post, take away the gym and he could care less about church, his opportunities would be as limited as your personal list.
He is a quiet man who generally allows for someone else to start the conversation even. Always the cheerful responder but generally not the Open liner.... A woman would likely have to come on to him to even get him to open his mouth.
Yeah he sounds like me now.
Though when I was single I was bold (after my long term college GF and before I met my wife). I used to strike up conversations just walking around campus with any gal who caught my eye (well the ones that would talk back that is, lol). I did what I called one and done dates: take them out for a single date if either of us didn't feel a spark for the other... it's done. Sometimes I got to date 2, but typically it wasn't there and that was fine. Nothing more than a good night kiss if I liked the gal, so if it didn't work out no one felt like they got taken advantage of. I pretty much dated 1-2 gals a week (not overlapping, one would end and I'd ask out another).
But that's kind of my point, you have to go seek it... in my experience women don't ask out guys much at all. Heck I used to look like an NFL safety in college, really in great shape (but not overly muscular)... used to work out for 1-2 hours a day. I could tell if a gal wanted me to ask her out, but they didn't ask you still had to seek them out as the guy.
I got hit on a lot when i was happy in my marriage. I think people are attracted to the positive energy and find it sexy. I would be flattered, and always told them I was married. If they kept on like they didn't care that I was married, that just pissed me off. I liked being flattered, but I don't like it when someone doesn't respect the ring.
Though when I was single I was bold (after my long term college GF and before I met my wife). I used to strike up conversations just walking around campus with any gal who caught my eye (well the ones that would talk back that is, lol). I did what I called one and done dates: take them out for a single date if either of us didn't feel a spark for the other... it's done. Sometimes I got to date 2, but typically it wasn't there and that was fine. Nothing more than a good night kiss if I liked the gal, so if it didn't work out no one felt like they got taken advantage of. I pretty much dated 1-2 gals a week (not overlapping, one would end and I'd ask out another).
But that's kind of my point, you have to go seek it... in my experience women don't ask out guys much at all. Heck I used to look like an NFL safety in college, really in great shape (but not overly muscular)... used to work out for 1-2 hours a day. I could tell if a gal wanted me to ask her out, but they didn't ask you still had to seek them out as the guy.
IDK guess my experience wasn't that vast.
Your experience was QUITE vast in comparison to my husbands.... and why so BOLD then... .and somehow quiet NOW ?? Fall into the nice guy thing? or just cause you are marreid, there is nothing to be Bold about.... I assume you are still bold in other areas, your work, etc. Generally these temperment traits remain.
Mine met me when he was 18, I was just 15...in a new school cafeteria...he was so still shy back then, but he still put himself out there and asked me to go with him within days of us meeting.
I give him alot of credit for that, he told me a few years ago -he expected me to say NO, but was afraid I would get grabbed up if he didn't ask quickly, he says he had no confidence at all. How funny is that.... I remember running into the bathroom right after thinking wildly to myself ... "Oh my , I hardly know him... what do I say... Hmmmm, then I thought to myself... well .."he is cute enough behind those big glasses".. so I said "Yes". that was our beginning a long long time ago...30 yrs ago.
He only had 2 insignificant gf's before me, I was the 3rd girl he ever tried to snatch. Third times a charm!
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Opportunity for cheating men 
He told others, "I've never had anyone ask me so fast if I was married". Now I DID ask him if he was married the first time I talked to him..just like I ask most people upon meeting if they are married, have kids, in school..etc.. just as a basis for starting a conversation. Some people though, hear what they want to hear.
