I think there is a difference between deal breakers and incompatibility. If someone had an issue with me being a mom, it didn't get passed the first 10 minutes of the first date. Not a deal breaker, simply just wasn't interested in wasting my time in someone I was incompatible with. Deal breakers, for me anyways. are things that happen in a relationship, and not on first dates.
That would be their dealbreaker.
And deal breakers should be thought of as those things you screen for on the first dates, so you don't waste your time.
It falls under the umbrella of incompatibility.
But incompatibility is something you get a better sense of as the relationship moves on.
And deal breakers should be thought of as those things you screen for on the first dates, so you don't waste your time.
It falls under the umbrella of incompatibility.
But incompatibility is something you get a better sense of as the relationship moves on.
I guess I should say, odds are good that there wouldn't of even been a first date if they had issues with me being a mother, if they had issues with me smoking, or that I don't want anymore biological children. But I didn't make it a secret that I had children, so the guys I did go on dates with, had no issues with it. I've always thought of deal breakers as a relationship thing, a crossing of boundaries.
At least that's been my take on them. Which is why I said lying, cheating, withholding affection and love, etc. I wouldn't know of any of this if it was first date stuff. And when I was dating, I had a list of things I was looking for in a mate, and wasn't shy about bringing these things up before wasting any ones time.
Maybe since the board is mostly married people/LTR people, deal breakers means something different here?
Just wondering what other people see as deal-breakers in a relationship.....For me, it would be cheating and physical and/or mental abuse to my children or myself....What are the things that you would absolutely not put up with under any circumstances?
Her saying something like, "I don't love you." or "I don't respect you" would do the trick. Cheating, child abuse, and things of that ilk would not. (Note, on the child abuse thing, I would act quickly and definitively to protect the children, but I'd need more context before I got to "kick her to the curb")
Gabe: No offense, but why should I look at "tasteful" art that is depicted on a body, when I can see tasteful art everywhere else? I think that there is absolutely nothing sexier in the world than the pure female form, sans the art. It takes all kinds to make a world, and I richly applaud those of you who love body art/tattoos. While I choose to remain "unpainted," some of my best friends have them, and that's totally their business. It would never jeopardize that friendship that I have established with them. But just from my roots and my socially conservative mold, please don't hold it against me if I dislike it on a woman, more especially one that I absolutely love and care deeply about; just as I'd honor her by choosing to remain in a natural state for her.
But you said it was a deal breaker. Strongly preferring a tattooless person is absolutely understandable. But deal breakers are meant for such horribly offensive things/behavior that you would never be with that person. And to say that because someone has a tattoo is really shallow, in my opinion.
What if the person had one in a spot you would never see until they were naked? You fell in love with her, and finally decided to have sex - she's the woman of your dreams. And then, she takes off her panties in the heat of the moment and you see a butterfly painted on her hip. Are you telling me you would stop the presses, and cut that person out of your life?
But you said it was a deal breaker. Strongly preferring a tattooless person is absolutely understandable. But deal breakers are meant for such horribly offensive things/behavior that you would never be with that person. And to say that because someone has a tattoo is really shallow, in my opinion.
What if the person had one in a spot you would never see until they were naked? You fell in love with her, and finally decided to have sex - she's the woman of your dreams. And then, she takes off her panties in the heat of the moment and you see a butterfly painted on her hip. Are you telling me you would stop the presses, and cut that person out of your life?
I would think that I would know a little more about her and her about me through the "interview process" preliminaries. In my vast lifetime, I can't ever say that I've ever just "dove right in" without either knowing something about them or having developed feelings for them over the dating process. Maybe I'm lucky in that I'm just a pretty good judge of character. That's just me, and I, nor any of the ladies that I've been intimate with have ever had a problem with that, so far as I know.
Yep, you can eliminate whoever you want. Tattoos have become so mainstream though, that you would be playing in an evaporating pond. And we're talking professional, classy women who get them in discreet locations. Clean people. Even very religious folks.
Yep, you can eliminate whoever you want. Tattoos have become so mainstream though, that you would be playing in an evaporating pond. And we're talking professional, classy women who get them in discreet locations. Clean people. Even very religious folks.
Gabe: I was around a very long time prior to the recent renaissance of the tattoo culture. My main problem with them is that those parlors, more often than not, seem to cater to a select group of people who seemingly cannot make a positive impression on other people other than to have art drawn all over their bodies. And if you were to sample the mainstream American population, I think you'd greatly find that the vast majority of Americans choose, for whatever reason, to remain "unpainted."
As I said on an earlier post, I have friends who have chosen to get them. I don't know why, but that is their decision. They know that I do not like their body art but that I will always remain friends with them. But any lady that I want to have a relationship must meet that criteria. But that's just me and my personal belief system!
I'll ardently respect your right to wear body art, but please show reciprocity in respecting my equal right to not wear them!
Hmm....this has me thinking.....Of course i am married...but some deal breakers for me or things that would automatically become uninterested in a person is if:
The man had children BUT had nothing to do with them....(save the excuses, because I don't care)
If he had a reputation for cheating
If he was "one of those guys" who has a 1950's outlook of what a woman should do and be
If he was a virgin......my hubby and i lost our virginity to each other 8 years ago and now have a banging sex life....BUT I know how long that takes lol
As far as the whole tattoo debate going on here....
If it is someone's preference to not date a person with tattoos, then that's you....but you mights really miss out....I don't have any, but I think they're sexy....and a lot of people that have them have turned out to be really interesting
Yeah, I agree drug abuse, conjugal violence, child abuse, and infidelity are obviously a given....but they still happen in relationships and couples will stay together anyway..
big no no's
mama's boy
excessive farting, nose picking
not dressing properly
lack of hygiene
video gamer (the addicted kind)
couch potatoe
and the big one...lol....I would never date a man with teenagers...
. I'll ardently respect your right to wear body art, but please show reciprocity in respecting my equal right to not wear them!
See you have me all wrong. I don't have any tattoos. Probably never will. I just find it really strange that if a woman was perfect for you in every way, but had a little ink in a discreet location, that you would call that a deal breaker and deny a potential soulmate.
But then again, I would never date a smoker under any circumstance, so there you go.
If she ever had any kind of contact with her ex boyfriend (she knows the one I am talking about) without me knowing it. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, no excuses game over!
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Re: What's your deal-breaker? 
