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Old 04-20-2012, 05:42 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

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Originally Posted by chasing_rainbows View Post

Absolutely. Once we've gotten to where we should be financially, like the Suze Orman concept, we can both look at what we can do to fulfill some of the wants once the needs are met.

Aside from the motorcycle, does your husband share your opinion on the importance of eliminating debt?

I agree that it would be so much better if he put aside this purchase until things were better off financially, but its really unfair to you if you are having to be the grown up when it comes to money.

When my wife and I got really serious about saving/eliminating debt earlier in our marriage, we set up periodic goals along the way. For example, we could schedule a certain vacation when high interest debt was paid off, then another thing we wanted when we paid off the last vehicle that we would finance, and on and on. The economic downturn seriously delayed our biggest goal so far, which involved buying the farm that my grandparents owned, but an uncle sold after their death. But we slowly recovered the losses, and this approach of periodic goals helps us. The thing is, we just got much more minimalist as the years passed, so we would never dream of spending money like my coworkers.
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Old 04-20-2012, 05:51 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

Retirement, that's a funny joke.
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Old 04-20-2012, 06:05 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

It is a funny joke. As if any significant proportion of us are actually going to retire.

Here's what I see.

The financial situation says it's not the "right time" for a bike.

But, I get the idea that the motorcycle request is the tip of the iceberg. He's asking for it because he's afraid to ask for what he really wants.

He should likely read the Nice Guy sticky.

The OP should take note that her husband thinks that being married to her is not much fun.

Guys like to have fun with their wives. I know asking for a motorcycle was a last-ditch effort for me to "have fun" with my now EX wife.

Gather from that what you will.
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Old 04-20-2012, 06:51 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

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It is a funny joke. As if any significant proportion of us are actually going to retire.

Here's what I see.

The financial situation says it's not the "right time" for a bike.

But, I get the idea that the motorcycle request is the tip of the iceberg. He's asking for it because he's afraid to ask for what he really wants.

He should likely read the Nice Guy sticky.

The OP should take note that her husband thinks that being married to her is not much fun.

Guys like to have fun with their wives. I know asking for a motorcycle was a last-ditch effort for me to "have fun" with my now EX wife.

Gather from that what you will.
I was about to recite my mantra "Don't spend what you don't have" until I saw your post. I sincerely hope the motorcycle request doesn't equal the tip of the iceberg for the op and her husband, but now I see how this "could" be something seriously deeper. However, the OP says "I am absolutely thrilled that this dream of his includes me on the back of the bike!" Given how he wants to include her in the "fun," do you still see this as a "last ditch" thing?

Anyway, I really like your straight-forward honesty, Conrad.
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Old 04-20-2012, 06:56 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

It "could be" last ditch if she denies him the fun.

It was for me.

FYI
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:21 PM   #66 (permalink)
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my husband at 52 bought the motorcycle, got the tattoos, and had an EA. thank god we are good now. I ride, even though I said I wouldnt, because my hubs loves riding, my kids are grown, and if I dont ride, then he will go out and enjoy it himself or be tempted to find someone who does. We had one when we were younger, but sold it when the kids came. Once the kids were old enough, he pestered me for 2 years. Let him get it and help him enjoy it.
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:14 PM   #67 (permalink)
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a weekend full of prepping for finals this week..... one down two to go.....

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Aside from the motorcycle, does your husband share your opinion on the importance of eliminating debt?

He might see the logic, but he's an artist, you know, right brain, creative, emotional, live in the moment kind of guy. I'm like my dad, analysis/outcome, best rate of return on time/money investment, etc.

I agree that it would be so much better if he put aside this purchase until things were better off financially, but its really unfair to you if you are having to be the grown up when it comes to money.

I thinks it's more that he doesn't have to give a second thought to whether the lights will stay on, what's involved in selling/buying a new house (we're trying to do that, as well, to get closer to his mom and my mom who's got Alzheimer's). The truth in numbers is a buzz kill when you both really want a little piece of land close to family.

When my wife and I got really serious about saving/eliminating debt earlier in our marriage, we set up periodic goals along the way. For example, we could schedule a certain vacation when high interest debt was paid off, then another thing we wanted when we paid off the last vehicle that we would finance, and on and on. The economic downturn seriously delayed our biggest goal so far, which involved buying the farm that my grandparents owned, but an uncle sold after their death. But we slowly recovered the losses, and this approach of periodic goals helps us. The thing is, we just got much more minimalist as the years passed, so we would never dream of spending money like my coworkers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Conrad View Post
It is a funny joke. As if any significant proportion of us are actually going to retire.

I have to agree

Here's what I see.

The financial situation says it's not the "right time" for a bike.

But, I get the idea that the motorcycle request is the tip of the iceberg. He's asking for it because he's afraid to ask for what he really wants.

He should likely read the Nice Guy sticky.

The OP should take note that her husband thinks that being married to her is not much fun.

I guess we can all attribute our experiences to other's situations when lack of detail lets our minds fill in the blanks of what's going on in their relationship. Would a bike have mended your relationship? Was the relationship not fun for only you? I don't know those nuances, but I do know that I would never go so far to say that you were the impetus to a split because you were more concerned about what you wanted to have fun.

Guys like to have fun with their wives. I know asking for a motorcycle was a last-ditch effort for me to "have fun" with my now EX wife.

Gather from that what you will.

It "could be" last ditch if she denies him the fun.

It was for me.

FYI
Interesting to note that your last ditch effort was a want/desire of yours. Again, not knowing the details, I can only guess that every effort was made to talk about BOTH of your wants/desires to save the relationship.


Quote:
Originally Posted by bellamaxjoy View Post
my husband at 52 bought the motorcycle, got the tattoos, and had an EA. thank god we are good now. I ride, even though I said I wouldnt, because my hubs loves riding, my kids are grown, and if I dont ride, then he will go out and enjoy it himself or be tempted to find someone who does. We had one when we were younger, but sold it when the kids came. Once the kids were old enough, he pestered me for 2 years. Let him get it and help him enjoy it.
We're talking a lot about how to get there, but the smart way
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:25 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

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a weekend full of prepping for finals this week..... one down two to go.....





Interesting to note that your last ditch effort was a want/desire of yours. Again, not knowing the details, I can only guess that every effort was made to talk about BOTH of your wants/desires to save the relationship.




We're talking a lot about how to get there, but the smart way
This is where you'd be wrong.

The relationship was working great for her - as we hear so many times.

I think you already have your mind made up.

I'll bow out now.
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:27 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

On Ebay, just saw a 2011 Triumph for less than $7K and one 45 years older for $18K. Think of it as an investment.
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:37 PM   #70 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

Yeah, it's not so much fun when the repo man shows up for the motorcycle. Don't count on things like this as an investment. Perhaps if you pay cash and not finance them. My estranged husband's motorcycle got repossessed and they are still after him for thousands $.
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Old 04-23-2012, 03:14 PM   #71 (permalink)
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This is where you'd be wrong.

The relationship was working great for her - as we hear so many times.
I don't know.... I see a lot of ladies on here looking for advice/direction from those with experience in marriage issues.....

I think you already have your mind made up.

I'll bow out now.
I have made up my mind, to figure out how we can get him a bike that we both can enjoy together and paying off debt so that we don't have that weight around our necks. We both will have to deal with the fact that we can't do either overnight.

Sorry to hear you're bowing out, not everyone is going to see things the same. I've appreciated that this thread has given me ideas on how to show I'm on board with what he wants. It doesn't have to always be "he'll get an 18 year old if you say no" or "being married to you isn't fun". But anyway, I wish you the best, definitely.
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Old 04-23-2012, 04:41 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

Alrigth. KanDo man has to confess that I have a big V twin in touring configuration and love it! I've ridden for more than 20 years and finally bought a big bike a few years ago after a many year hiatus. Got it used from a dealer with only 1000 miles and it is perfect.

Small price to pay if the two of you will enjoy it. I would have the hubby rent one before committing and make sure he takes some training if he isn't a rider already.
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Old 04-24-2012, 04:39 AM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: 43 yr old Man, Motorcycles and Tattoos

sometimes men need to be boys.
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