04-19-2012, 04:01 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
| | Discovering Boundaries....Is it to late?
So my wife and I never talked about Boundaries...... I messed up when before we got married, she asked me how i felt about male friends and I told her i didn't mind, since i had female friends. So after we got married I started feeling insecure and would snap every time she brought one up. I started going to therapy and realized my happiness is from myself. I didnt like myself, so I assumed she was getting something I didnt think i was giving her from someone else. I tend to have negative assumptions all the time. When her phone rings or she gets a text, I assume out of all her friends and family its one of these guys. So, I know it is my own insecurities. I still talk to my female friends occasionally via IM. She dosent talk to them often and at this point I dont know if she does or not. I stopped checking her phone. She dosent go out and when she does it with her girl friends. She has always told me I can check her phone. She has nothing to hid, but I feel guilty about that because i feel weird about it. I use to sneak and do it and deny deny deny I didnt.. Sometimes she looks through my phone and when i grab her phone to do the same she gets mad and says i am being childish, which I am. A year later, it stills bothers me. I dont know if she is still friends with the 2 guys or not. One of the guys mom is sick and she went to go and visit, this was back in January. I know one of the guys is married and him and my wife have been friends since grade school, but my wife told me he did try and talk to her before we meet. The other guy, they use to talk but nothing happened between them, they dated but no kissing or anything. I believe her. When she told me this, this was when we first meet. So she had no reason to lie. She dosent sit on the phone with them or anyone when I am around, so she is not doing anything in front of me. I am just wondering if she is doing it before i get home since she knows how i feel...
My question is, Will this feeling ever go away? Will i continue to struggle with this until I find my own happiness? Should this bother me? Has anyone dealt with this situation? Is this all coming from me or do boundaries even need to be set?
Any advice would be appreciated.
p.s.......My ex wife cheated on me and I was in a toxic marriage for way to long...