Pushing my wife to her limit - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

The Men's Clubhouse Talk about life's dilemmas.

Like Tree9Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-23-2012, 11:31 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,870
Default Re: Pushing my wife to her limit

You have to provide her some direction instead of letting her constantly decide what she wants to do or where she wants to live.

You do have to start by valuing what she does. Then you have to hold her accountable to being what it is you value. So for example, do you value her as a good mother, beatiful wife etc? Make sure she undertands that you do a value her. But, do not tolerate her then non valuing herself. Make her accountable to be a good mother and a beautiful wife.

Don't let her lead you around, which is what you are doing. Don't ask her what will make her happy and all of this... That's really bad.
Hicks is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-01-2012, 07:56 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 8,256
Default Re: Pushing my wife to her limit

I used to push my wife to the limit all the time

Until I realised that she has a far greater limit than I had thought, to the point I'll only make myself feel like sh-t doing it...

She's so strong and somehow a part of her doesn't even believe it
RandomDude is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 05-04-2012, 07:13 AM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 299
Default Re: Pushing my wife to her limit

Since I started this thread I feel like not opening another one but rather posting here.

You know, I used to be a major nice guy, very weak, always trying to please her, etc.

Now it's almost all gone. I am not being a doormat any more.

However, she still has this tendency to "fix" me. She read the surrendered wife - which in my opinion is a fantastic book! - and thinks that the author is just wrong of course she does, because this book is against everything she does. She just believes that her job is to also always "be on my case" and tell me what to do or not.

Add to this some emotional issues - like whenever she is angry talking really not nice and personal attacks - and you will understand why I have a very hard time being intimate with her. I am not talking about the physical sense - that we do quite often, I am talking about me really letting go, being able to share my true feelings, etc.

Not sure what's the point of this post, maybe I just need to vent. BTW, I hate the replies of "just realize who she is and leave her if you don't like it". I don't stay in my marriage because I am forced to; I stay because I believe that people should do everything they can to make the marriage work, and because I am a huge believer in a family unit.

Whatever. Whatever.
joshbjoshb is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 05-04-2012, 07:20 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 1,871
Default Re: Pushing my wife to her limit

You might find it useful to look up the Basic Concepts and the Policy of Joint Agreement on the marriage builders website.

Literally, it's a guide to how to treat each other, and you can read about it together and sign off on it.

things like:
Selfish demands, being disrespectful, angry outburts, dishonesty, annoying habits, etc.

Gives you a plan to follow.
Sounds goofy... I know. But putting it in front of both of you is like a peace treaty. This is HOW you will treat each other.

And there is lots of learning that can be done (both of you) in how to treat each other WELL. Practicing being a better person isn't a bad thing, is it?
deejov is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 05-04-2012, 10:30 AM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,630
Default Re: Pushing my wife to her limit

Quote:
Originally Posted by joshbjoshb View Post
However, she still has this tendency to "fix" me. She read the surrendered wife - which in my opinion is a fantastic book! - and thinks that the author is just wrong of course she does, because this book is against everything she does. She just believes that her job is to also always "be on my case" and tell me what to do or not.

Add to this some emotional issues - like whenever she is angry talking really not nice and personal attacks - and you will understand why I have a very hard time being intimate with her. I am not talking about the physical sense - that we do quite often, I am talking about me really letting go, being able to share my true feelings, etc.
This all too typical behavior often originates from a compromised or nonexistent father in one's family of origin. Sometimes compounded by acceptance of current feminist philosophy. If you make an effort to understand her background and are sympathetic to the problems she brings into your marriage, your sensitivity to her behavior will decrease
Ten_year_hubby is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 05-04-2012, 11:35 AM   #21 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 19,455
Default Re: Pushing my wife to her limit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby View Post
This all too typical behavior often originates from a compromised or nonexistent father in one's family of origin. Sometimes compounded by acceptance of current feminist philosophy. If you make an effort to understand her background and are sympathetic to the problems she brings into your marriage, your sensitivity to her behavior will decrease
Fine line between understanding and enabling.
Conrad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 05-06-2012, 07:00 AM   #22 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 299
Default Re: Pushing my wife to her limit

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby View Post
This all too typical behavior often originates from a compromised or nonexistent father in one's family of origin. Sometimes compounded by acceptance of current feminist philosophy. If you make an effort to understand her background and are sympathetic to the problems she brings into your marriage, your sensitivity to her behavior will decrease
Wow! That was brilliant! In fact her father was away from home all week. I have to tell you - to guess that based on one post only, is truly genius!
joshbjoshb is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wife shows symptoms of borderline personality disorder - pushing my family away BPDSpouse(Ithink) Physical & Mental Health Issues 27 11-27-2012 06:40 PM
Wife pushing me away Sincererlytrying General Relationship Discussion 11 11-05-2012 10:16 PM
gift limit, anything limit jennifer1986 General Relationship Discussion 4 09-10-2012 10:51 PM
Wife separtated from me and she's pushing me away for another man...HELP!!! klgray Going Through Divorce or Separation 6 02-09-2010 09:54 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:17 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.