Absolutely. In my situation, it is more than her just not being committed to the relationship. She just isn't committed to much of anything. A person who is passionless in their daily life ends up not being very happy. I hope she gets better, but I am moving on with life.
She looked at me after we went through the papers. She said, "I am not well. I hit you with anything I could think of to blame you for our problems. You changed. You are so different. BUT, I cannot forget. I cannot forgive or accept the new you. Something is wrong with me. I hope to be better one day, but today is just not that day."
It was at that moment I had an epiphany. This had nothing to do with me. It might have started that way, but it was no longer the case.
Well she certainly demonstrated an amazing amount of personal insight.
It sounds like she’s pathologically embittered. Which means the resentment she feels against you is of an unreasonable nature. In that the majority of the population would have been able to forgive, she’s in the very small minority that can’t and so they become embittered.
It is as a direct result of exceedingly poor anger management. Instead of confronting the issues between you she held on to them and let them fester as a way of deliberately punishing you at a later time.
So when she did hurt you, it was in a premeditated way. In that a few days before she hurt you she actually sat down and planned it all out. It’s exceedingly devious and they plan it such that you just don’t know where it comes from and so you cannot hold them responsible. What you do know is you are deeply hurt and the normal response to that is anger, sometimes very intense anger.
Additionally if you were to have stayed with her she would have held you to be the man you once were. So instead of helping you with your growth through your life, she would have quite literally stunted your growth. And that stunted growth would have lasted as long as you two stayed together. It’s one of the reasons why it’s such a blessing to be away from such a person. We are literally free to grow away from their constraints, their shackles and bonds.
It never was anything to do with you. It simply never was. Sure you got things wrong and sure you hurt your wife. We all do in one way or another, just as our wives hurt us. It happens most especially when in love. But your wife should have worked through the issues with you until she reached a point of understanding and forgiveness.
Your wife didn’t do that and hung onto everything that went wrong as though they were the crown jewels. What went wrong was the way your wife manages her anger. Your wife took the path of revenge instead of the path of forgiveness. And as such she was always going to be angry even though you may never have known it.
These things came as a direct result from her parents. It was her parents or carers who taught her how to manage her anger is such very sick and abusive ways.
I wouldn’t hold out much hope for your wife though. Her statements of she cannot forget and she cannot forgive should be taken extremely literally as though they are written in steel. That is the person she is. She cannot even forgive the person she was living with and professed to love and she’ll take that into her next relationship. And woe betide that man because he’ll get the exact same you got.
But then again she recognises that she is not well. So maybe there is some hope for her.