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Old 04-26-2012, 06:13 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by lovelygirl View Post
When you claim to love someone you love them in everyway and shape ..
It doesn't matter if they're naked, dressed up, dressed down, t-shirt/jeans, lingerie, messy or tidy.
so wait.. you're saying that absolutely nothing matters. Carol "loves" me so it makes no difference what I do. I can ignore her totally. I can beat her silly. I can have an affair.

I'm afraid that's not how it works in our house. Neither of us have any expectation of unconditional love. Both of us fully understand that we must earn the love we desire. There's no free lunch for us.
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:24 PM   #32 (permalink)
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so wait.. you're saying that absolutely nothing matters. Carol "loves" me so it makes no difference what I do. I can ignore her totally. I can beat her silly. I can have an affair.

I'm afraid that's not how it works in our house. Neither of us have any expectation of unconditional love. Both of us fully understand that we must earn the love we desire. There's no free lunch for us.
I didn't mean to say nothing matters. But it really depends on the day, mood, moment, time of the day.. and so on.

The OP was right when saying that she didn't have to put on lingerie right after getting home from work when she had other stuff to do.
There's another time and place for lingerie.
So I'm sure her husband was a no-brainer when he told her that. There's this saying that goes "most of the time men think with penis and not with brain" and I think her husband was fitting this perfectly well, at the moment. lol. :P

Jokes aside, partners should make an effort to get each other's attention but it really depends when and how.
You can't expect your wife to wear lingerie all day, can you?
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:30 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Depends on the day
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Old 04-26-2012, 07:31 PM   #34 (permalink)
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TOTALLY!!!


When you claim to love someone you love them in everyway and shape ..
It doesn't matter if they're naked, dressed up, dressed down, t-shirt/jeans, lingerie, messy or tidy.

Now feel free to disagree, it's an opinion forum, and I like free speech.

However, think about this.

You see your spouse wake up every morning and get dressed "up" for work. If they work with members of the opposite sex, you are watching them "dress to impress" for someone else.

That's the real world.

Then your spouse comes home at the end of the day and dresses "down" with you. They get into the old sweatshirt or pajamas with feet and a snuggie. They are done for the day.

They are sending a very clear, even if unintentional, message that you come in second place. The "other people" in their lives rate higher.

That may be OK occasionally, even a couple of times a month. But, long term, is that the message you want to send to the person you love?

Again, there is a wide gap between "Not attractive" and lingerie.

And so there is no doubt, that applies to both people in a relationship.

Also, I don't know the OP. She asked for a Man's opinion and I gave that.
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The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:23 PM   #35 (permalink)
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And, these things build over time.

My ex-wife let dishes pile to the sky and was completely disorganized when it came to keeping the house.

Yet, when her family was due to come over?

This lethargic, disorganized, unmotivated, overwhelmed wife found religion in housekeeping.

I eventually got the message.

Notice the term "ex" when I refer to her.
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:34 PM   #36 (permalink)
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What exactly was dumb about his statement?
Go back and read the OP. He gives her a hard time about her robe, while he's sitting there like a slob himself. Unreal.
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:45 PM   #37 (permalink)
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My husband doesn't like to see me in my robe when he comes home. So I wear sexy nightgowns, chemises or pajamas. My jammies consist of low cut tight spaghetti strap tops and pants. The boobs turn my husband on.
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Old 04-26-2012, 09:05 PM   #38 (permalink)
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What a lot of you donít know is the extensive problems MarriedWifeInLove has been through in her marriage.

Believe me if you knew some you would consider your posts insensitive in the least. Sheís obviously struggling and Iíve a feeling itís to do not only with her husbandís and her own problems and the additional problems between the two of them but also with the flood damage thatís she likely handling by herself.

I reckon thatís why sheís here. Normally she could cope with her usual problems, the flood has probably brought her here for a bit of empathy, compassion and understanding.
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Old 04-27-2012, 08:32 AM   #39 (permalink)
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The OP was right when saying that she didn't have to put on lingerie right after getting home from work when she had other stuff to do.
How would you define "right" here?

Between Carol and I, the "right" answer is the one that produces the most smiles in our marriage. Correctness has nothing to do with fairness, reasonableness, convention or anything else. So I guess I'd say about the OP and her husband, "Are they, between them, making decisions to maximize the smile count?"

Quote:
Jokes aside, partners should make an effort to get each other's attention but it really depends when and how.
You can't expect your wife to wear lingerie all day, can you?
Some days I do. Other days it's flannel shirts and sawdust. For the most part what I expect Carol to wear has a lot to do with things like, "Well, is she painting in the living room or building furniture in the basement?" So while Carol does spend entire days being eye-candy for me, you are correct that this is tempered by the goings on of life.

In the specific situation given in this thread, I normally dress Carol in some comfy sweats and maybe a sheer lace tank top when she gets home. It's sexy but still comfy & casual... so we both win. I get the eye candy and she gets comfy. If I really wanted her in something outlandish for some reason, I'd have her wear that, give her a glass of wine, and have her sit and talk while I cooked. That way I could still have the outlandishly sexy eye-candy and she could unwind casually.

We like to find ways for both of us to win. Seldom do either of us think it's good when one gets their way and the other does not. That sort of thing is a hollow victory at best to us.

@AFEH
You are correct. If there's relevant background story I don't know it. All I knew was this post... a clothing question which was clearly the tip of the iceberg for a much larger problem.
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Old 04-27-2012, 08:43 AM   #40 (permalink)
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I like the idea of you not changing into a nightgown but instead change into one of his shirts. A dress shirt if it's warm enough or a flannel shirt if it's chilly. Leave the top few buttons undone. That's just as easy as putting on a nightgown.

When I get home my wife takes all her clothes off to talk to me about my day. She feels very comfortable wearing nothing. Looking at her nude body while we talk also helps me destress.
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Old 04-27-2012, 08:57 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Mistys dad View Post
Now feel free to disagree, it's an opinion forum, and I like free speech.

However, think about this.

You see your spouse wake up every morning and get dressed "up" for work. If they work with members of the opposite sex, you are watching them "dress to impress" for someone else.

That's the real world.

Then your spouse comes home at the end of the day and dresses "down" with you. They get into the old sweatshirt or pajamas with feet and a snuggie. They are done for the day.

They are sending a very clear, even if unintentional, message that you come in second place. The "other people" in their lives rate higher.

That may be OK occasionally, even a couple of times a month. But, long term, is that the message you want to send to the person you love?

Again, there is a wide gap between "Not attractive" and lingerie.

And so there is no doubt, that applies to both people in a relationship.

Also, I don't know the OP. She asked for a Man's opinion and I gave that.
Well I disagree but as I said maybe I am an anomaly. I dress up for work because I HAVE to not because I want to.

But overall I am not impressed by dress anyway. Stuffing you in a 3 piece suit makes you no smarter/better in my eyes. It's a mask. I know many an empty suit...

Now, of course it can be taken to extremes. Do I think you should be walking around in a baby puke covered tshirt and unkept hair, no, but you don't have to be prim and proper 24/7 for me...
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Old 04-27-2012, 09:47 AM   #42 (permalink)
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To be honest though most of the issue is the mindset of her husband. Honestly my wife can wear anything and I'll be turned on. She can be reading a book and I can get turned on just watching her.

It's because in my mind I just find her all manner of sexy. While I love lingerie, jewelry, makeup, etc. in the end it's my mindset that is the largest factor in how passionate I feel about her.

She can be dressed up in her sexiest outfit, but if my mind just isn't there I'm just not all that turned on. On the other hand when my mind is engaged, she can walk into the room with the dumbest rattiest t-shirt, and shorts with stains from cooking dinner and I'll be like all over her with every part of my body just longing and aching to be with her.

It's all in the mind, how you dress just helps the husband's mind to get into the correct mindset. I'm not trying to suggest that you don't have to ever do the little things to make yourself sexy for him, just saying there's another huge piece of the puzzle.

IMO, OP you should remind your husband of that.
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Old 04-27-2012, 10:19 AM   #43 (permalink)
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I normally dress Carol in some comfy sweats and maybe a sheer lace tank top when she gets home. It's sexy but still comfy & casual... so we both win. I get the eye candy and she gets comfy. If I really wanted her in something outlandish for some reason, I'd have her wear that, give her a glass of wine, and have her sit and talk while I cooked. That way I could still have the outlandishly sexy eye-candy and she could unwind casually.
is Carol a blow-up doll?
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Old 04-27-2012, 10:45 AM   #44 (permalink)
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OP, I will just say that your husbands choice of words was insensitive at best.
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Old 04-27-2012, 11:45 AM   #45 (permalink)
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You see your spouse wake up every morning and get dressed "up" for work. If they work with members of the opposite sex, you are watching them "dress to impress" for someone else.
For work I have a dresscode so whether I like it or not, I have to respect it and it doesn't depend on me totally. Thus, it doesn't mean I have to impress others.

Quote:
They are sending a very clear, even if unintentional, message that you come in second place. The "other people" in their lives rate higher.
I would be looking it from another point of view. If I dress down when you're around it means that you make me feel comfortable and I can freely be myself when I'm with you.
You make me feel no complexity, because you love me just the way I am without having to struggle and wear something else to impress you.

Quote:
That may be OK occasionally, even a couple of times a month. But, long term, is that the message you want to send to the person you love?
I didn't say you have to dress down everyday but it doesn't mean you have to dress up everyday when at home.
Something in moderation would be okay.
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