Okay guys...need some assistance to decode some "manspeak."
I haven't posted here in a while, but a little confused on something and need some clarification.
Hubby and I were talking about our continued issue about enough sex (read my other past threads...medical issues, etc.), and he said, well look at you - how do you expect me to find that attractive? (no bashing here, he wasn't trying to be mean, just trying to get a point across)
I looked in the mirror and I had recently come home from work so hair was still done, make-up still on. I had changed into a house nightgown (no holes, not ratty and it fit), and some slippers. I thought I looked fine so I said so. He said he needed me to look attractive to which I responded, what in garters, silk stockings and edible underwear? While I understand the need for this type of visual stimulation for a lot of men, come on guys...I just got home from work, trying to cook dinner, have schoolwork to do, etc.
Am I supposed to look like a stripper whenever I'm home? Can I not have any downtime without being told I look undesirable?
I mean he was sitting there telling me that in a t-shirt and elastic waist shorts with two days of beard growth.
I proceeded to tell him that I need him to look attractive too and that a t-shirt and pull-on shorts wasn't cutting it for me either.
So enuff of that--bottom line--what in the hell is he referring to and what does the "manspeak" mean?
Can I not wear a nightgown, do I need to be in full-on hair and make-up to cook breakfast at 7 AM on a Saturday?
There is a wide gap between "not attractive" and "stripper".
You dress up for work and dress down for your husband. You are giving a clear signal that he is not the attraction in your life.
Maybe he is looking for something more than a house robe, but less than sex attire. Jeans and a Tee-shirt, shoes, whatever. Something that says "Hey, I'm home, but that is not the end of my day". The robe and slippers says "I'm too tired, dinner and plop in front of the TV (or book, or computer, etc).
And by all means, you have the right to say the same thing to him.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
I have no idea what he meant. I'm happy if my wife just looks alive and semi-interested. If he pulled you out of your nightgown, you'd kinda look like a stripper.
Wow, maybe I am the odd man out here (not unusual around here) but I have to disagree with Mistys Dad.
I really could care less what you are wearing, if you are attractive to me, you are attractive to me regardless of what you are wearing. Of course I am much more attracted to natural beauty than all that caked on BS anyway..
I just never know how much his TBI is factoring into the equation.
I do know of another case where the husband complained about his wife 'not looking sexy' when she inquired about their lack of sex.
The reason there? It was diversionary. It had far more to do with him and where he was at, and he was simply looking to deflect responsibility.
She could have been dressed up like a stripper and it would not have made any difference.
In your case, I think he is well aware that your drive is much higher than his ... therefore it's in HIS interest, to derail things by making it about you. Just as we often see in reverse around here.
My gut reaction is that this is just some sort of deflection. Sorry.
My wife and I came to an understanding about our 'around the house wear' long ago, agreeing to try to look our best for each other, while being realistic enough to make it something easy to change into. I end up walking through a factory or two every day, and smell like engine calibration fluid, and she wears scrubs at work. After work, we both wear something that we'd be comfortable entertaining a neighbor who dropped by, or something like that. But I don't think it would be something that either of us would complain about if we didn't do that.
No disrespect, but by trying to decode what he's saying, you're thinking like a woman. He's a man, whatever his statement was is most likely exactly what he meant. Using "Manspeak" or any type of coded language is taxing and your husband probably wasn't thinking that far in advance.
It doesn't sound like he was calling you ugly or anything harsh like that, just saying that if you're dressed in regular clothes, he's not gonna get any extraordinary sexual urges. What exactly that means in terms of what you could or should wear is totally up to your husband's taste.
Definately a deflection. If I said something like that to the missus we'd not be having relations for some time. Gotta believe he understands that - and maybe that was his point - to cool things off. Or, he may be trying to come up with a reason he's not in the mood (often) and is blaming you somehow. What did he have in mind for you to be wearing - seriously (ask him)? I dig the stripper getup too, but it doesn't work so well in the family setting. Sorry - I didn't read your prev-posts to find out if you or him wants/needs more sex.
Sometimes men find things that are actually comfortable to wear quite sexy.
So instead of a nightie (if he's taller/bigger than you), try wearing one of his t-shirts or a comfortable button up shirt with a few extra buttons open up top.
Still covers as much, and is still comfortable and is a lot more sexy. Talk to your hubby... who knows what he might like as a compromise.
I think his comment was insulting. Did he mean for it to be insulting? I haven’t a clue. What I think he was insinuating if not saying directly was that he doesn’t have the hots for you. Got the hots for your wife, she can look any which way and it really wouldn’t matter.
Dressed that way I’d say he’s (still?) depressed. And if you come home from work looking pretty good/sharp and start a conversation about lack of sex when he’s untidy and unclean I guess the conversation is going to go south pretty quickly. He’ll maybe drag it down to end it by insulting you, just because he isn’t feeling good about himself.
And therein lies the problem in that his problem is probably much more to do with him than it is with you.
36Likes
What Does He Mean? 
