Does he really want to see me naked? - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 10:48 AM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

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I appreciate what everyone offers up here, the more the better! So thank you!
Your wife is so lucky to have a man like you..as are all the wives of the men who have contributed here.
It still amazes me after reading so many positive posts, that my H might actually be attracted to me like this- I know that seems dense after all the awesome posts, but 15 yrs. of thinking one way will take a bit of time to reverse
It's been so long that I have not been able to be comfortable naked that when I do throw caution to the wind, he's probably going to wonder what the heck is up with me- it could totally be painfully awkward..hoping when the time is right, he takes it okay!
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The times my wife has just let loose and let her seuxality take over, were awesome. Your hubby is in for a treat.
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post #122 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 11:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

COguy- if you don't mind, what does your wife say she doesn't like about her body?
How do you try & make her feel better? One thing that bothers me is that my H very rarely talks about it, even in terms of encouragement.
So there's this 'empty space' for me to go ahead & imagine what he might be thinking...or what he would think if I was to go all out.
(I need to stop caring so much about what he thinks!)
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post #123 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 11:43 AM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

"Besotted" is a word my wife uses to describe me. When we're both 90, I'll still think she's beautiful.
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post #124 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 11:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

Then she must be an amazing woman~ you both are so lucky!
I wish I could confidently say my H feels the same about me..
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post #125 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 12:04 PM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

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COguy- if you don't mind, what does your wife say she doesn't like about her body?
How do you try & make her feel better? One thing that bothers me is that my H very rarely talks about it, even in terms of encouragement.
So there's this 'empty space' for me to go ahead & imagine what he might be thinking...or what he would think if I was to go all out.
(I need to stop caring so much about what he thinks!)
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She says how fat and disgusting she is. How her skin is stretched out and flabby and disgusting. I tell her she's hot and beautiful and I love her body, and she tells me i'm just desperate or weird or saying it because I have to.

I think her body type is perfect. just the right anoint of curves, great body. Her stretch marks I never think about unless she is jiggling or pulling at them. She totally turns me on. I wish she would just accept my comments at face value. I love seeing her naked.
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post #126 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 12:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

Yea..I can totally relate to her, thank you for sharing that.
There is just no reason for us to think it can be in any way attractive. I say the same thing- you want me because you can't (morally) have anyone else, not because you'd choose me. It's not a very nice way to be to ourselves. But we really believe it, we aren't playing attention games.
I can't even imagine what it would take to believe him should he ever say I am desirable to him after he sees the full frontal.
Unfortunately society bombards us with a ridiculous amount of info basically saying that what we've become, is in NO way desirable..(of course how we relate to it is our choice, I suppose.)
At the same time, it is so important for the men in our lives to be reassuring & encouraging, like you are-even if we don't seem to acknowledge it, we do & we need to hear the good stuff to counter the negative self-talk that is pretty much always going. You are good to her, keep being persistent in what you say.
If you didn't, it leaves things up for interpretation which is where I am at in a way.
It sucks really bad that looks alone have a way of depressing the hell out of a person, even when you know you are a great person in so many other ways.
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post #127 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 12:49 PM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

Well since women such as yourself have some big mental block in accepting their husband's comments at face value, allow me to be your husband's advocate. You are hot. You turn him on. You give him a giant boner. He loves seeing you naked. He loves watching your sexy body.

Knock it off with the ugly talk and just rock his world. Give him the gift of your unfettered naked body. As much as possible.
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post #128 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 01:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

Hahaha...thank you I love giving him a giant boner!
Trust me I am really working on getting over it-
I WISH with everything I have that I could see myself the way a man could/would/does..
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post #129 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 01:10 PM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

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She says how fat and disgusting she is. How her skin is stretched out and flabby and disgusting. I tell her she's hot and beautiful and I love her body, and she tells me i'm just desperate or weird or saying it because I have to.

I think her body type is perfect. just the right anoint of curves, great body. Her stretch marks I never think about unless she is jiggling or pulling at them. She totally turns me on. I wish she would just accept my comments at face value. I love seeing her naked.
I feel exactly as your wife does, exactly.


I see what my H looks at and it is not women who look like me.
I see his posters, calendars, and magazines, and the women in them do not look like me.
I see who he does the head snap for in the mall, and those women do not look like me, either.
I know he thinks I am overweight, so why would I want to inflict that unsightliness on him? It is painful for me to know what I look like and what I looked like 40 years ago. Why would he want to see me naked even though I am not of the appearance he finds ideal and arousing.


Being a woman married 40 years, I have a long history of what he finds physically attractive. Being 60, I no longer represent those things. It is like I am a Ford and he would prefer a Jaguar. He can't afford the Jag, so he is stuck with the old, reliable Ford. Doesn't help to know that he still covets the Jag, either.

It is just hard for women. We are told over and over that that men are hardwired to be attracted to a certain appearance and hip to waist ratio in women. Actresses and models meet that requirement, as do a lot of young women looking to attract a mate. As we age, we look less and less like what men are hardwired to want. I don't see my H looking longingly at Kathy Bates, but he would sure do the head snap for Zoe Dechanel. It is very confusing and frustrating for women. And yet, we are supposed to believe you think we are beautiful naked even if we are a bit overweight or out of shape.
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post #130 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 01:35 PM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

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As we age, we look less and less like what men are hardwired to want. I don't see my H looking longingly at Kathy Bates, but he would sure do the head snap for Zoe Dechanel. It is very confusing and frustrating for women. And yet, we are supposed to believe you think we are beautiful naked even if we are a bit overweight or out of shape.
take a look at your husband. I seriously doubt he looks like the young studs in the Abercrombie ads. Advertising is what it is... youth and beauty sells. Still, you don't find too many men lamenting the fact that their stomachs are jiggly and their balls are 3 inches lower then they were when they were 10 years ago. Studies show that men pretty consistently think they are better looking then they are, and women pretty consistently think they are worse. We really are our own worst enemies.
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post #131 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 01:36 PM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

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We are told over and over that that men are hardwired to be attracted to a certain appearance and hip to waist ratio in women.
I think it's probably a mistake to take a static view of men's perceptions. Our tastes change as we grow and mature.

It's not that we don't still think the Western stereotypical ideal of beauty is attractive; We grow to appreciate a much broader range of beauty.

We wife says the same things you do. I'll watch Dancing With The Stars with her (Her idea, not mine) and she'll say, "How can you watch {Insert Name} dance and still think I'm pretty?"

There's not much I can say that will convince her that I've loved every stage of her life and that she's more beautiful to me than anyone. --Her skepticism doesn't change the fact that it's true.

Last edited by ocotillo; 05-02-2012 at 01:52 PM. Reason: -Bad grammar
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post #132 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 01:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

Why DO men care so much less (or seem to) about their appearance?
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post #133 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 02:09 PM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

Because we didn't grow up with toys that told us a 44 inch bust and a 26 inch waist was an ideal.

But don't worry, Hollywood and the advertising business is quickly convincing boys that they are terminally ugly as well.

The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
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post #134 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 02:37 PM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

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Why DO men care so much less (or seem to) about their appearance?
Girls and women are acculturated to internalize an observer's perspective as a primary view of their physical selves. (Fredrickson, 1997) That in a nutshell, is objectification theory.
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post #135 of 262 (permalink) Old 05-02-2012, 02:50 PM
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Re: Does he really want to see me naked?

dose my but look big in these cammo pants?
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