My wife takes her phone evrywhere with her . If she has a bath she takes it in the bathroom .its never on charge where I can see it . It is next to her side of the bed at night in her jeans pocket and she wakes up if I go near it. She got a few late night texts a while back and when I asked her about them she said it was the lady she cleans for . She has said. I can look at her phone anytime . Her behaviour is making me paranoid I don't want to come across as weak or needy to her so I dropped the subject and have not brought it up .for weeks. But it still plays on my mind
This is a possible RED FLAG if this is new behavior for her.
Do some reading in the Coping With Indelity section for some other Red Flags
If you can get a copy of the cell phone bill (either on line or paper copy from the carrier) I'd do it and review her number of texts and calls for the last few months and look for a large number of texts and calls to a particular number.
The ringer on my wife's phone you can hear from the street. And it plays this whole long boring melody. And it rings, oh, 90x a day. And in case you're curious, 'unlimited' actually isn't. The phone company(s) send me nasty notes when either of her two lines goes over 5,000 minutes a month. So does she take her phone with her? Yes.
This is new behaviour for her,
phone is pay as you go so I cannot check any billing . She has no one that needs to contact her in an emergency . I would ask to see it but she always deleted her messages anyway . So am beginning to see this as a safety net in case she fails to delete anything .
A couple of weeks ago I asked her what she had been doing in the day while I was working and she accused me of checking up on her (which I prob was).she only works about 6 hours a week and when I mention about her getting a job she gets all huffy . Could be.down to her lack of confidence .
You stated she told you that you could look at her phone anytime. If that is so, then next time her phone is laying around where you can get to it, and shes in the same room, pick it up and look at it. If she has nothing to hide, then she will have no problem with this, especially if she told you that you could.
I understand your pain with this. This use to bother me all the time until I learned to trust my wife. I am doing everything I can in the relationship and since I was not doing anything wrong, I stopped assuming she was. She also told me I could look through her phone. I realized I felt this way because I didn't want her looking through my phone. I didn't have anything in there, I just liked my privacy. She also use to take her phone with her everywhere she went. When I stopped inquiring about it and acted like it didn't bother me, she stopped.
LFC, you said this is new behavior for her, and when you check you notice she has deleted messages. These are red flags.
As for phone use in general, I too have become very attached to mine, it goes everywhere with me, its my email, texts, calendar and internet all in one. I also receive alerts via text on a frequent basis and I delete those as soon as I read them but I keep all my other text messages, i even sync them with my gmail account so I have a permanent record of everything I've sent and received.
Have you noticed any other signs that may be red flags? new underwear? New perfume? Extra fuel consumption in her car? more girls nights out? Change/improvement in diet or exrcise? new clothes/accessories?
If so then look at installing a voice activated recorder, VAR in her car or wherever she spends private time talking on her phone. Also if she ever backs up her phone to a computer see if you can use spyware to look at the backup logs - her deleted messages may still be there. Or consider hiring a PI.
If you are having a hunch you need to alleviate that soon or you will go crazy and if she is innocent of any wrongdoing the sooner you can get to the truth the better for you both.