Thanks everyone! It's great to hear different approaches and feelings from both sides...
River - you are right, before marriage I was very worried about how handling the kids would work out. I didn't realize how much work everything would be trying to make everyone happy - including Ex-Husbands... she does deserve better.
You'd think that a 17 year old could help around the house... or at least clean up after himself. So right now, I'm rushing home - mow the lawn for 2 hours, work on emails and customer issues for an hour or two, then I need to remember to find a rose somewhere and get the dishes in the dishwasher so they don't stink, change the oil and fix the car that get's hundreds of miles driving the kids to meet up with their Dad that doesn't pay child support, go to all the school meetings and performances, go out to movies and dinner so everyone is happy, paint the house, fix the leaky roof, take care of fertilizer and weeds, then vacum the house, feed the kids, make the beds... I'm exhausted... I've given up shooting guns, camping, wheeling, motorcycle riding, pretty much everything I used to do. I'm not sure what else I can do - other than just say 'yes mamm!' (thanks to Al Bundy... one of my favorite quotes!)
The first thing I would do is get a poster board and both of you sit down this weekend and write out everything that has to be done in that house - cleaning (rooms, laundry, etc.), maintenance (lawn, broken door knobs, etc.), kid stuff (homework, baths, reading to them, etc.), personal stuff (haircuts, reading a book, etc.). Assign time to each in 15-minute increments.
Once you have that done, since you both work, take turns highlighting in 'your' color what you will be responsible for. Be fair about the time; if you pick lawn mowing and it takes 30 minutes, she should then pick 2 15-minute tasks. And be fair about the things that no one wants to do; if you pick one thing no one else wants to do, then she should next pick one thing that no one else wants to do. If you seriously do these side jobs and spend legitimate time on them, include them in the chores - but be fair about it; if you just say 'my other jobs take up 20 hours a week so I can't do any of the chores,' she will continue to be resentful and you'll get nowhere.
Keep going until everything is accounted for. If the kids are 5 years or older, include them in picking tasks.
Once you have the whole poster highlighted in your respective colors, make a vow to each other (and the kids) to stay responsible for what you signed up for. This will show her you aim to be fair and not skip out, so she will have less to gripe about.
If there's a 17 year old, he/she had better damn well be doing chores! You need to put your foot down about that; you are doing that kid no favors by not requiring chores. No chores = no phone.
River1977; it's not in a mans genetic makeup to care for another mans kids. You sort of have to adjust to it..and even then to receive no gratitude for his efforts is a little much.
Post like yours was my whole point.
1. You don't have any idea if he receives gratitude or not. You and all the others just assumed everything he wanted you to assume.
2. You have no idea what he does or does not do. He made himself seem like he does so much. He wanted sympathy and everyone to agree with him, which is exactly what you and everyone keeps doing.
3. No one has any idea what she does for him - if she makes him breakfast in bed or takes her own kids to the park or does anything for him at all. You just IMAGINED that she does NOTHING for him. You all just keep on IMAGINING the circumstances just from what he stated when it is more than obvious he left out their entire lives.
4. I don't care about you saying it's not genetic makeup and it takes getting used to and blah, blah, blah. He was with her for some time before they married and knew she had children. They didn't meet and marry in the same day.
He did sign up for it as i am sure he knew she had 3 kids already I feel he is doing plenty for the family although he is certainly doing more than their donor father
Thanks everyone! It's great to hear different approaches and feelings from both sides...
River - you are right, before marriage I was very worried about how handling the kids would work out. I didn't realize how much work everything would be trying to make everyone happy - including Ex-Husbands... she does deserve better.
You'd think that a 17 year old could help around the house... or at least clean up after himself. So right now, I'm rushing home - mow the lawn for 2 hours, work on emails and customer issues for an hour or two, then I need to remember to find a rose somewhere and get the dishes in the dishwasher so they don't stink, change the oil and fix the car that get's hundreds of miles driving the kids to meet up with their Dad that doesn't pay child support, go to all the school meetings and performances, go out to movies and dinner so everyone is happy, paint the house, fix the leaky roof, take care of fertilizer and weeds, then vacum the house, feed the kids, make the beds... I'm exhausted... I've given up shooting guns, camping, wheeling, motorcycle riding, pretty much everything I used to do. I'm not sure what else I can do - other than just say 'yes mamm!' (thanks to Al Bundy... one of my favorite quotes!)
Yeah right. You are still fooling yourself and still trying very hard to fool everyone else. I am not one of them. Sorry.
True. You're right there are always 2 sides to every story...but I can only comment on the side I see...which happens to be his.
And lets deal with reality instead of what's PC. If a man is raising another mans kids, with no emotional or financial contribution from the birth father coupled with already being exhausted from work, there will be some resent and some venting.
Sure he knew the score, but I'm getting a sense that things would not bother OP as much if he wasn't being made to feel inadequate with what he actually does do.
Calling him out on how utterly disingenuous he is being is not attack. If nothing else, his last post should have shown you what I'm talking about, but you keep on defending him.....and agreeing with him.
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Re: Wife tells me that I do not do enough... 
