might be out in left field, but i know that sometimes (ONLY sometimes) when i'm frustrated and mad and venting on my husband, i accuse him of doing/not doing things that i am mad at myself for doing/not doing.
if she constantly says you don't help around the house and you don't spend time with the kids, maybe she's feeling guilty because the house is messy and the kids are just a mess?
might be out in left field, but i know that sometimes (ONLY sometimes) when i'm frustrated and mad and venting on my husband, i accuse him of doing/not doing things that i am mad at myself for doing/not doing.
if she constantly says you don't help around the house and you don't spend time with the kids, maybe she's feeling guilty because the house is messy and the kids are just a mess?
What’s it like to be totally incomprehensible to half the world’s population?
Next some of them will be moaning that their Hs are workaholics, never help out at home yet all the while here they are spending massive amounts of time instead of doing the work at home.
Next some of them will be moaning that their Hs are workaholics, never help out at home yet all the while here they are spending massive amounts of time instead of doing the work at home.
<<<<That was me>>>>
Although I did do all the household duties diligently. I was unfulfilled, felt bored and confused because on one hand I truly love and enjoy my children and family, on the other hand, I missed having me stuff.
Seems to me the OP does do more than his share but his wife feels removed. No one wants to hear this but they need to connect or they will go slowly down the slope that leads to inevitable divorce.
I'd also say that just as the OP sees himself as handling his poo very well, I'm sure the wife feels she pulls her weight as well. They're not seeing one another. If all you see is yourself and what you do in a relationship why are you surprised that your signifigent other is discontent?
Seems like a no brainer to me.
The part about men not being able to naturally connect to step children is bird poo squared. We can connect to anything if we choose to. Those saying it choose not to, which is fine, but certainly does not mean that men & women can't connect and nurture/provide for children that are not biologically theirs.
i think you would have to answer that one for me. i don't get what you're saying. were my remarks too foreign for you to comprehend?
I want to add that I truly admire your self awareness and honesty. But surely there’s enough crazy in a marriage without consciously adding more like the one you described. Best to stay way above that sort of very dysfunctional and immature behaviour.
I want to add that I truly admire your self awareness and honesty. But surely there’s enough crazy in a marriage without consciously adding more like the one you described. Best to stay way above that sort of very dysfunctional and immature behaviour.
thank you. and i totally agree - we should all try to keep 'crazy' out of the way. however, if you know 'crazy', you know sometimes 'crazy' comes around uninvited. and it comes in all sorts of forms, degrees, and is certainly not choosey about race, sex or orientation.
and i would never be this honest in person - i am not that evolved. however i feel safe enough here to admit my faults (and my strengths) and hope that maybe something i say might help someone else in some way.
thank you. and i totally agree - we should all try to keep 'crazy' out of the way. however, if you know 'crazy', you know sometimes 'crazy' comes around uninvited. and it comes in all sorts of forms, degrees, and is certainly not choosey about race, sex or orientation.
and i would never be this honest in person - i am not that evolved. however i feel safe enough here to admit my faults (and my strengths) and hope that maybe something i say might help someone else in some way.
Perhaps you should be this honest in person! If you’re not, you’re just covering your crazy with more crazy, crazy squared! It creates great gulfs within a marriage due to it’s inherent dishonesty! I’m the world’s premier, leading expert and authority on crazy!
Way better to be honest in these things. To be authentic and real opposed to creating an illusion that deludes the people around us such that they think they’re going crazy.
We’re all asses at times. Better to think “I’m an ass you’re an ass” and work things out from there.
We can connect to anything if we choose to. Those saying it choose not to, which is fine, but certainly does not mean that men & women can't connect and nurture/provide for children that are not biologically theirs.
this struggle of "who does more" is very common and i would venture to guess it exists in some form in all relationships. i think about it alot in my own marriage. but it does breed contempt. the difference here is one of the partners is making issue of it with the other. i am hearing the OP as saying not only does she not even appreciate what i do, she thinks i dont do enough at that.
i think the Op should tell her to STHU and get busy with her own tasks and let him take care of his
and a footnote. i love how in some threads the OP story is taken verbatim because "its all we have to go on" and in others threads the same posters will make wild assumptions in defense of the gender being questioned
this struggle of "who does more" is very common and i would venture to guess it exists in some form in all relationships. i think about it alot in my own marriage. but it does breed contempt. the difference here is one of the partners is making issue of it with the other. i am hearing the OP as saying not only does she not even appreciate what i do, she thinks i dont do enough at that.
i think the Op should tell her to STHU and get busy with her own tasks and let him take care of his
and a footnote. i love how in some threads the OP story is taken verbatim because "its all we have to go on" and in others threads the same posters will make wild assumptions in defense of the gender being questioned
OK,
That was a very politically correct way of stating the obvious.
Sorry I've been aloof - I have some wonderful news... We had such a wonderful weekend... I quickly read the book that was suggested and found that I did need to make some adjustments in my behaviors and thought processes. There really were some good suggestions. So I took my sweet wife aside and apologized for hurting her and her feelings and wanted her to know how hurt I am when she says that I'm not doing enough and that I like to hear her problems and I'll help where I can, but I can't fix everything.
We spent most of the weekend talking together, cuddling and enjoying our weekend together. It was great!
There definitely are differences in how Men and Women communicate their needs - I don't think we're out of the woods yet... but maybe we will be able to help each other better.
Thanks for all of the great comments and suggestions...
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Re: Wife tells me that I do not do enough... 
