So I've been married about 6 years, I'm raising my wife's 3 kids. Their Dad hasn't paid child support for over two years. I work 9-10 hours a day at a full-time job and come home and try to run several side businesses so that I don't have to get a part-time job. With all of the regular kid issues and some more serious ones since they are dealing with their parents divorce, moving, etc in their own ways. I'm about taxed to death. She works hard as well but is always complaining to me that I do not do enough around the house, that I don't do enough for the family, that she wishes that I was different in many ways that bother her. I've tried to take her out more, but it always seems to digress into what I'm not doing enough of.
I'm so frustrated, I don't know what to do anymore... I watch my other guy friends and I don't see them having the same issues with their wives.
Help guys.... what are your wives like or what can I do? Besides finding a job in another country...
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Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Weekly date nite, tell her she looks nice in the mornings, Cook her breakfast in bed on Sundays, take the kids to the park or walk for an hour on Saturday. It's the little things that she wants. I love when my husband steals the neighbor's rose and bring it to me when he comes from work.
Weekly date nite, tell her she looks nice in the mornings, Cook her breakfast in bed on Sundays, take the kids to the park or walk for an hour on Saturday. It's the little things that she wants. I love when my husband steals the neighbor's rose and bring it to me when he comes from work.
Yeh right. Forget about and ignore the flipping great big things like helping her raise HER three children!
And when she moans about it give her rewards like date nights ….
So I've been married about 6 years, I'm raising my wife's 3 kids. Their Dad hasn't paid child support for over two years. I work 9-10 hours a day at a full-time job and come home and try to run several side businesses so that I don't have to get a part-time job. With all of the regular kid issues and some more serious ones since they are dealing with their parents divorce, moving, etc in their own ways. I'm about taxed to death. She works hard as well but is always complaining to me that I do not do enough around the house, that I don't do enough for the family, that she wishes that I was different in many ways that bother her. I've tried to take her out more, but it always seems to digress into what I'm not doing enough of.
I'm so frustrated, I don't know what to do anymore... I watch my other guy friends and I don't see them having the same issues with their wives.
Help guys.... what are your wives like or what can I do? Besides finding a job in another country...
Why not get out? She sounds like she’s going to leave you anyway as she has absolutely no appreciation of what you do for her or her children.
Cut your losses and just get out.
There will be reasons why you haven’t done that. Look to those reasons to see why you are still there putting up with such an ungrateful woman.
Yeh right. Forget about and ignore the flipping great big things like helping her raise HER three children!
And when she moans about it give her rewards like date nights ….
they're at a rough patch in their marriage and the answer is not to walk out. She's communicating the issue and now as a couple they must work on it. And yes a date nite will reward both of them because both of them are overwhelmed with work and the kids.
"they're at a rough patch in their marriage and the answer is not to walk out. She's communicating the issue and now as a couple they must work on it. And yes a date nite will reward both of them because both of them are overwhelmed with work and the kids"
Not buying it either.
Unless she's working longer hours than he is AND he's raising her 3 kids, why does SHE need to be pampered and rewarded? Again, whenever there are issues in a marriage everyone ASSUMES the man isn't doing enough!
Step, you and your wife could also sit down and write up a list of chores and who will be responsible for what. You'll need to balance this list by addressing how much each of you works outside the home.
Lastly, a slight warning. This is an early sign of a marriage going south. Seek marriage counseling. She's got some issues with you
they're at a rough patch in their marriage and the answer is not to walk out. She's communicating the issue and now as a couple they must work on it. And yes a date nite will reward both of them because both of them are overwhelmed with work and the kids.
Maybe instead of meching and moaning about what he does or doesn’t do SHE were to take HIM on date nights to say thank you and express HER APPRECIATION FOR WHAT HE DOES DO ….
Maybe instead of meching and moaning about what he does or doesn’t do SHE were to take HIM on date nights to say thank you and express HER APPRECIATION FOR WHAT HE DOES DO ….
Things might be different.
I think them having weekly date nite will calm things down and they can reconnect and enjoy they marriage more. At this point> no more finger pointing because it's a marriage and if both want it they both have to make sacrifices.
So I've been married about 6 years, I'm raising my wife's 3 kids. Their Dad hasn't paid child support for over two years. I work 9-10 hours a day at a full-time job and come home and try to run several side businesses so that I don't have to get a part-time job. With all of the regular kid issues and some more serious ones since they are dealing with their parents divorce, moving, etc in their own ways. I'm about taxed to death. She works hard as well but is always complaining to me that I do not do enough around the house, that I don't do enough for the family, that she wishes that I was different in many ways that bother her. I've tried to take her out more, but it always seems to digress into what I'm not doing enough of.
I'm so frustrated, I don't know what to do anymore... I watch my other guy friends and I don't see them having the same issues with their wives.
Help guys.... what are your wives like or what can I do? Besides finding a job in another country...
Step_Raising, you and others here place way too much emphasis on you being a step parent. You seem to think that because she has children and you contribute financially, then you get to have a pass on being responsible for anything else, but you don't. You married a woman with children. That fact came as no surprise to you, and you took it on. You don't get to expect her to be so GRATEFUL that you get away with anything at all. Had you not expected her utter gratitude, you would not have mentioned her having children and their father not paying child support as if you are supposed to be her god. You are still supposed to be responsible for being her husband, for the home, and for the household. You came here and made sure people confirmed you exactly as they did - exactly what you wanted to hear.
Others also seemed to skip your slight mention of her also working hard like you wanted them to miss it and peppered your post with all your glory. Had you been fair in your post, the responses would have been very different, telling you what they always say when a wife complains of such things. If she says you are not doing enough around the house, then you are not doing enough around the house. That she has children does not give you a pass on any of your own responsibilities. What does it matter if you do other jobs if your own sinks are leaking and doors falling off the hinges or you leave messes everywhere? Stop ignoring her and try to work out the things that are needed on your part.
And do get marriage counseling. There are many therapists who specialize in step family dynamics. If the children are having issues, which is normal, then make sure she gets counseling for them as well. Making sure people tell you what you want to hear is not going to help matters one bit. You need to make a REAL effort at solving your problems, rather than ignoring your wife and skewing the facts. Stop thinking you are doing so much and doing her such a huge favor. Stop thinking she is supposed to lick your dirty feet just because you married her. She could have done better than you, just like you seem to think she is not good enough or not worthy of your effort just because she has kids. Good for her for not putting up with your crap.
If you want some real suggestions and honest answers, then try posting with some honesty and tell us what she complains about. Tell us what it is you DO NOT do that makes her so unhappy, instead of making yourself seem like you are supposed to be her gift from God but no one gave her the message.
Weekly date nite, tell her she looks nice in the mornings, Cook her breakfast in bed on Sundays, take the kids to the park or walk for an hour on Saturday. It's the little things that she wants. I love when my husband steals the neighbor's rose and bring it to me when he comes from work.
I'm going to be honest with you. After working a 10 hour shift than coming home to work on "several" side buisnesses there is not way in hell this guy will be able to do all of that.
Maybe SHE can cook HIM breakfast in bed on Sundays? Take her own kids to the park for an hour on Saturday?
River1977; it's not in a mans genetic makeup to care for another mans kids. You sort of have to adjust to it..and even then to receive no gratitude for his efforts is a little much.
Step_raising: In general, when I hear "you're not doing enough" I generally figure it's a coin of the realm problem. That is to say, "YOU think you're paying into the pot in rich coinage. SHE on the other hand, isn't valuing whatever it is your contributing as highly as you do."
The general rule in our marriage is that the recipient gets to value the coins, not the giver. So in our house, I'd be asking about the value of the things I do give (not with the intent to argue, but rather with the intent to educate myself) then I'd be asking about the higher value things she wished I gave. Then I'd be sitting down with her to work out a team-based plan that will effectively allow me to give those things.
Whether or not SHE is paying up in an appropriate coin of the realm for you is an entirely separate conversation. I try not to deal with them at the same time because down that path is the insanity of "fairness".
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Wife tells me that I do not do enough... 
