Now my hubby is very supportive so its not a matter of him being callous etc, and usually will tell me how hot I make him or that I am beautiful etc.. espcially when we are "ahem" during foreplay or after. he is affectionate and considerate so I am not implying that he takes me for granted or anything.
I put alot of effort in how I dress, makeup, and hair especially when we have dates or are going to wedding, special occasion etc.... will buy new clothes and shoes and always take into account when I choose if I think he will like it as he is the one I want looking at me right? I always ask his option on my clothes and he usually tells me "that is nice" when I am deciding on outfits. He is also very strict about his hygene and appearance.
Here is my question....
I go through all this trouble to be really dolled up (usually sexy bra and panties underneath that "match" but has to wait to get a peek until later and he likes the suspense)
WHY O WHY does he never just say to me " You look beautiful" or something to the like when we go out. He never says it until we are at home and "ahem" lol
I compliment him, and have mentioned to him it hurts my feeling when I go through all that trouble and he says nothing until "bedtime" when my hair is already messed up and makeup ruined and clothes on floor. He says "I am sorry, I meant to but I forgot"
Last wedding we went to we were all dressed up and I spent so much time shopping and trying to look just perfect and as we were waiting for the elevator to go down to lobby at hotel we were staying in I told him how handsome he looked in his suit/new shirt & tie and he said "thanks"... Seriously...AHEM.....maybe a "you look good too"?
Guys.. What is he thinking? I try not to let it bother me but WTF???
I don't know what he's thinking, nor, if you've discussed this with him, that he doesn't get it. I tell my wife she looks beautiful all the time.
I'm not certain for advice, but if this is a problem for you then the only thing I can suggest is some behavioural modification maybe? It seems as, since he only acknowledges your looks and effort to look nice when he wants some, that he's taking you for granted. Or, at the very least, he's complimenting for strictly self-serving reasons, and not at all for your sake. If so, stop getting dressed up for him. Stop making the the effort to look good. See how he reacts when you wear sweats alllll the time. Maybe withhold sex? All this should be done with open lines of communication so he at least knows why this is going on...
As it stands if you dont change anything you do he will not either since he can have his cake with very little effort...
I found it’s a catch 22... I used to complement my wife all the time. The problem: She got so used to hearing it that it was easily dismissed as ‘just something you say to be nice’. She stopped believing I meant it.... (that led to other problems, but is a whole other story). She also wasn’t far off... I’d say those things because I believed she wanted me to compliment her regardless of whether I thought she looked particularly ‘hot’ that night or not.
Anyway... Now, I do it rarely. And she glows when I do. It makes it special and unique. I’ve also noticed she will try harder and fish for that complement. So, it almost becomes a fun little game... She’ll escalate the fishing instead of being resentful; Striking poses, doing that cute seduction thing, etc. I’ll play I’m not noticing, suggest the moomoo her aunt gave her (it’s hideous), etc.. It just becomes a quick fun moment between the two of us. I might even take on her role every now and then and pose in a wife beater for giggles....
She no longer takes the words for granted, and I don’t throw them out casually just to ‘be nice’. (Btw; I do this with ILY as well). Now when I say these things, she knows I really mean it. Otherwise, I don’t say things just because I know she wants to hear it. I say things because I feel they should be said and I feel it notable. I simply learned to express myself instead of just how to please.
So, take control. Instead of whining away about how he doesn’t notice and becoming resentful... Go fishing. Have fun with it; tease and taunt. Make him notice.
early in my marriage when I would compliment my wife she would always say something like your just saying that or this dress is alittle to big for me so all my compliments were kinda shot down.
then one day I got pi$$ed and said why the F can't you just say thanks and believe me. its not fun giving a compliment to someone who dosn't grecisiously accept them,or ever return compliments back.
early in my marriage when I would compliment my wife she would always say something like your just saying that or this dress is alittle to big for me so all my compliments were kinda shot down.
then one day I got pi$$ed and said why the F can't you just say thanks and believe me. its not fun giving a compliment to someone who dosn't grecisiously accept them,or ever return compliments back.
my advice is accept compliments at face value
I am always appreciative of his compliments (in more ways than just saying thank you) I do return them and do initiate them towards him.
He compliments me on other things (ie my intelligence etc..), just not my appearance hardly ever. He always says ILU and tells me I am beautiful, and gives me other compliments, but they are always in the context of talking about sex or during sex. Which makes it seem "cheap" (not sure how else to say that) or he will text me "hello beautiful..."
I guess he is just being honest and complimenting me when he is "feelin it" and my efforts to dress up don't necessary make him "feel it". I guess that hurts my feelings a bit but I guess its honest.
Nothing. He is thinking nothing. A big fat nothing. But I am sure he can learn, he just needs (a lot of) gentle encouragement. Take pictures of yourself with your iphone (touch, pad) and ask him to look at them with you. Tell him you have a very sensitive self image and you need to hear something from him whenever ...
Don't test the guy because you already know his level. Try to put him in situations where he can't help but succeed
I don't know what he's thinking, nor, if you've discussed this with him, that he doesn't get it. I tell my wife she looks beautiful all the time.
I'm not certain for advice, but if this is a problem for you then the only thing I can suggest is some behavioural modification maybe? It seems as, since he only acknowledges your looks and effort to look nice when he wants some, that he's taking you for granted. Or, at the very least, he's complimenting for strictly self-serving reasons, and not at all for your sake. If so, stop getting dressed up for him. Stop making the the effort to look good. See how he reacts when you wear sweats alllll the time. Maybe withhold sex? All this should be done with open lines of communication so he at least knows why this is going on...
As it stands if you dont change anything you do he will not either since he can have his cake with very little effort...
Thanks... but, I do want honesty, and don't withold sex as a tool with or without communication.
I was hoping that I would hear "we sometimes are thinking WOW she looks great but don't always say it out loud" but it sounds so far the answer is more like " he's just not into you getting dolled up, ie... its doesn't make much differnece to him"
Which is kinda a bummer, but I guess I will just have to pull up my big girl pants and deal. he is not perfect and neither am I.
Nothing. He is thinking nothing. A big fat nothing. But I am sure he can learn, he just needs (a lot of) gentle encouragement. Take pictures of yourself with your iphone (touch, pad) and ask him to look at them with you. Tell him you have a very sensitive self image and you need to hear something from him whenever ...
Don't test the guy because you already know his level. Try to put him in situations where he can't help but succeed
It is not that I have a very sensitive self image, as much as I would like a little acknowledgement for all the hard work I put into looking good for him. (mind you I am talking when we have a special occasion or planned night out without kids when I really go all out on looking extra special, not every day)
I feel my appearance is a partial reflection of him, as I am his wife. At times he doesn't compliment me, others will (even in front of him, and no its doesn't phase him at all even if they are male) and that is nice, but, I would prefer to hear it from him, his opinion does matter to me.
I found it’s a catch 22... I used to complement my wife all the time. The problem: She got so used to hearing it that it was easily dismissed as ‘just something you say to be nice’. She stopped believing I meant it.... (that led to other problems, but is a whole other story). She also wasn’t far off... I’d say those things because I believed she wanted me to compliment her regardless of whether I thought she looked particularly ‘hot’ that night or not.
Anyway... Now, I do it rarely. And she glows when I do. It makes it special and unique. I’ve also noticed she will try harder and fish for that complement. So, it almost becomes a fun little game... She’ll escalate the fishing instead of being resentful; Striking poses, doing that cute seduction thing, etc. I’ll play I’m not noticing, suggest the moomoo her aunt gave her (it’s hideous), etc.. It just becomes a quick fun moment between the two of us. I might even take on her role every now and then and pose in a wife beater for giggles....
She no longer takes the words for granted, and I don’t throw them out casually just to ‘be nice’. (Btw; I do this with ILY as well). Now when I say these things, she knows I really mean it. Otherwise, I don’t say things just because I know she wants to hear it. I say things because I feel they should be said and I feel it notable. I simply learned to express myself instead of just how to please.
So, take control. Instead of whining away about how he doesn’t notice and becoming resentful... Go fishing. Have fun with it; tease and taunt. Make him notice.
This is not a new thing so it was not as if he has got sick of me dismissing him. It just starting to really bother me the last couple of years or so.
I have actaully complimented him and he says "thanks" and smiles and doesn't offer a compliment back. I threw that fishing line WAY OUT and he totally missed it. I am not going to downright tell him "compliment me now!" that defeats the whole purpose of a compliment, that is then an opinion.
When you are asked a question that has no right answer, you learn to observe quietly.
Many women have an ingrained, and false, sense of inferiority. May sound harsh, but it's true. While prepping for a night out the self denegration about weight, hair, clothes, shoes, make-up, perfume. etc is usually pretty thick.
So complimenting isn't bad as long as:
It is the right compliment,
on the right day,
at the right time,
delivered in the right way,
in front of the right people,
about the right thing she wants,
while having the right tone of voice,
with the right thoughts in your head.
And those things are all random.
It is stunning to me how many women I know reply to a compliment with a sarcastic responce.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
When you are asked a question that has no right answer, you learn to observe quietly.
Many women have an ingrained, and false, sense of inferiority. May sound harsh, but it's true. While prepping for a night out the self denegration about weight, hair, clothes, shoes, make-up, perfume. etc is usually pretty thick.
So complimenting isn't bad as long as:
It is the right compliment,
on the right day,
at the right time,
delivered in the right way,
in front of the right people,
about the right thing she wants,
while having the right tone of voice,
with the right thoughts in your head.
And those things are all random.
It is stunning to me how many women I know reply to a compliment with a sarcastic responce.
Cause and effect.
Not sure how this pertains to me?
I am not complaining about compliments I do get (nor do I dismiss them or fail to return them), just wondering why he wouldn't compliment me when (I am assuming) I am looking my best. (or at least making an effort to look my best)
I always compliment him when he is looking his best and/or obviously making an effort. I guess he doesn't see my effort. Everyone likes to have their efforts acknowledged. It just make me want to throw on a pair of jeans.
It is not that I have a very sensitive self image, as much as I would like a little acknowledgement for all the hard work I put into looking good for him. (mind you I am talking when we have a special occasion or planned night out without kids when I really go all out on looking extra special, not every day)
I feel my appearance is a partial reflection of him, as I am his wife. At times he doesn't compliment me, others will (even in front of him, and no its doesn't phase him at all even if they are male) and that is nice, but, I would prefer to hear it from him, his opinion does matter to me.
I apologize, I honestly didn't mean to say you are very sensitive, I was just suggesting that you tell him that and maybe some hidden empathy might engage. Maybe he thinks to himself "I don't need anyone to compliment me" so he doesn't understand that you may want to hear this. I think you have every reason to want him to compliment you, out of common courtesy if nothing else, but he seems a little dense in this area
I tell my wife she's beautiful every day. Now I tell her that in different ways at different times.
During the middle of the day: "Hello beautiful" - in a pleasant but calm way
When I'm deeply impassioned: "Oh, you are so beautiful" - with a lot of soul and meaning.
When she walks out in something that makes me take notice: "..... " because my mouth opens a bit, and my eyes tell her everything.
She knows it too, she comments at times like that just how telling my eyes are.
So to answer your question I compliment her often, but when she looks her best, I don't say a thing... and that's the greatest compliment of all.
Thanks.. I will have to take notice of his reaction when he first sees me "ready to go" out for the night/occasion rather than notices if he says anything.
I Appreciate the different perspective.
Like I said he does tell me I am beautiful, but it doesn't seem to be at the "obvious" times that I am actually looking my "most beautiful". I am not complaining about it or discrediting him saying it, just trying to understand the "why" he would stop compliments at times when most people are giving them.lol
I apologize, I honestly didn't mean to say you are very sensitive, I was just suggesting that you tell him that and maybe some hidden empathy might engage. Maybe he thinks to himself "I don't need anyone to compliment me" so he doesn't understand that you may want to hear this. I think you have every reason to want him to compliment you, out of common courtesy if nothing else, but he seems a little dense in this area
LOL.. ya think.
That is really hitting the nail on head. He is so sentive to my feelings in every other way except for this, that is why I think it kind of stands out like a "sore thumb" so to speak.
BTW>> he LOVES compliments, but thats OK, hes a hottie an I like telling him and showing him (he also gets many compliments (respectful and appropriate) from others even when I am with him and he likes it) really... who wouldn't
I think he kind of has taken the "she knows I think she is beautiful" stance and leaves it at that. Which is fine I guess, not a big deal by any means, but still disappointing sometimes. Just curious of differnet perspectives
11Likes
Men.. Do you compliment your SO? 
