Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
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Originally Posted by ScaredandUnsure
When I was 21 I met and married my ex husband, and I had a 2 year old little boy. My sons sperm donar bailed on him (funny since he begged me for a child) and my ex husband raised my son from 2 and even after we divorced, he still takes "our" son when he picks up our other children for the weekends and vacations. We may have our differences and didn't have a good marriage, but he is an excellent dad to our children. He had full custody of his children (his daughter was adopted from his first ex wife, so not his biologically).
The only thing I regret not doing was to have my sons sperm donars rights terminated and have my ex husband adopt him, so if anything ever happens to me, all the kids go to my ex husband.
I don't get offended if guys wouldn't want to take on kids that aren't theirs. I do get offended when one of those guys does, and then it creates drama, and everything is blamed on those horrible children, woah is me, bullcrap. If you really don't want to parent step kids, then DON'T get involved, those kids are probably already dealing with their parents splitting up, if they start to love you and you feel you can't deal with them and leave, you're hurting them again.
Being a step parent is challenging, and sometimes it can downright suck, but you're the only one that knows if you can or can't do it. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to. Don't lead someone on, making them think they have a shot with you, and then you say "Well sorry, I can't be with you, you have kids" just don't get involved AT ALL and make everyone's life that much easier.
Quick question for you.
Let's say your husband enjoys his food and eats BBQ'd chicken with his fingers.
Your 14 y/o daughter thinks it's "gross"
Your daughter sits at dinner every night glaring at your husband who figures something is wrong, but you allow this to persist for 3 months.
When you and your daughter discuss this, do you:
1) Tell her you "know it's gross", but he makes you happy - and ask her to put up with it.
2) Advise her he bought the food and she should lighten up as everyone's personal habits may not fit her mold
3) Get them both together and talk about things to clear the air and perhaps forge a bond of understanding with them.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
Wife had an 8yo son that I adopted after we were married. I would not reccomend it. We never bonded. Created alot of grief between the rest of the family. I could see it differently if the kids were younger but at 8, he was pretty set in his ways and I was a disruption to him being the man of the house.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
I'm marrying a woman with a 7 year old in 1 week. Her son and I have already bonded quite a bit. His dad is only in the picture every other weekend, and most of the time her son doesn't even want to go see his dad, and has to be pretty much forced into it.
I'm going in with no regrets whatsoever. He's my best little bud, and I'll be proud to be his step-dad, and hope to make him proud to have me as his step.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
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Originally Posted by unbelievable
I married a woman who had a three year old son. She left us (yeah, you read that correctly) when he was about 8. He is now 31 and still my son.
My uncle did the same thing. Bio-dad was a total bastard who had no interest in the kid. Mom turned bi-polar and when my uncle fought for custody it got ugly. Eventually she was ruled an unfit mother and her older kid became a ward of the state. He wanted to stay with ex-stepdad because it was the only stability he knew in his life. 10 years later they still are very close and my uncle is "dad."
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
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Originally Posted by tacoma
None of the above.
You should inform your daughter that eating BBQ chicken with your fingers is the only accepotable way to eat it
Posted via Mobile Device
Tell your daughter that it's rude to glare at other diners and she can knock it off or eat with the dog. When we eat barbecue she made from meat she bought in a home she bought, we will eat it with whatever utensils she provides. Till then, she can sit down, wipe the glare off her face, act like a human being, or leave the table.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
Quote:
Originally Posted by unbelievable
Tell your daughter that it's rude to glare at other diners and she can knock it off or eat with the dog. When we eat barbecue she made from meat she bought in a home she bought, we will eat it with whatever utensils she provides. Till then, she can sit down, wipe the glare off her face, act like a human being, or leave the table.
Suffice it to say, I'm one of those that believe we should treat our spouses better than our children. I'm not in the habit of indulging a 14 y/o when it comes to their idea of "how things should be" in our home.
I was alone in that perception.
When women actually connect with what "respect" means to a man, they'd never do this. Alas, when these subjects are brought up, we often get anger, personalization, and resentment.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
In what universe do 14 year olds run the show? Nobody gives a rat's butt what they find "gross". The whole idea of good manners is to make others feel welcomed and comfortable. Glaring isn't good manners. Openly complaining about others' table manners is bad manners. I don't argue with kids. I don't normally even explain myself to kids. I have always made it clear to mine that disrespect to my wife is the same as disrespect to me and won't be tolerated. If she's too much a princess to eat in peace with the rest of the family, she can dine alone if there's anything left.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
Quote:
Originally Posted by unbelievable
In what universe do 14 year olds run the show? Nobody gives a rat's butt what they find "gross". The whole idea of good manners is to make others feel welcomed and comfortable. Glaring isn't good manners. Openly complaining about others' table manners is bad manners. I don't argue with kids. I don't normally even explain myself to kids. I have always made it clear to mine that disrespect to my wife is the same as disrespect to me and won't be tolerated. If she's too much a princess to eat in peace with the rest of the family, she can dine alone if there's anything left.
I don't think any good man would disagree with the idea that nurturing children into productive, moral, honorable adults is actually a primary goal in life - and SHOULD be the stuff that families are about.
Subverting that into "getting what you can" to indulge the appetites and passions of adolescents is a one-way ticket to hell. Yet, these things happen one transaction at a time.
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Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours? 
