Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
So following on from the popular thread also going on in the Men's Clubhouse, I got to ask... How do the men in here feel about taking on children that aren't their own?
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
All of the women I have dated have had children.
To me personally, it's a huge deal. I have a special needs child.
Presuming that you can just hope that a co-mingled family will work out and everyone will be happy seems extraordinarily naive to me.
You don't have to look far on these boards to find plenty of posts about step parents that either begrudge the other spouses kids, or they want to choke the sh!t out of them.
I love kids. From a partnering perspective, the person I can see myself with long term either has kids at or close to mine in age, or has grown kids.
I patently do not want to deal with someone's teenagers while I have youngsters.
That said, have a date tomorrow with a woman that has 2 teen sons.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tobio
So following on from the popular thread also going on in the Men's Clubhouse, I got to ask... How do the men in here feel about taking on children that aren't their own?
Speak from experience or not, whichever is fine.
The only man whose opinion counts is the one you’re with
But for me it would “depend”. I think a lot of men go wrong “moving in” with a ready made family where it’s the mother who has the home solely in her name. I’d feel way too vulnerable.
I’d never ever do that if I didn’t have a place of my own to go to if the sh!te hit the fan. My independence in these things is of great value and paramount importance to me.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tobio
So following on from the popular thread also going on in the Men's Clubhouse, I got to ask... How do the men in here feel about taking on children that aren't their own?
Speak from experience or not, whichever is fine.
When I was single, prior to age 28, I knew a lot of divorced women who had kids. I knew they wanted to date me. I never dated any of them for the reason that they had kids. One woman told me I was being "unfair." In those long ago days, the term "pump and dump" was yet to be coined, but I wouldn't have done it anyway, considering my views on sex at the time.
I looked at dating as part of the road to marriage and had absolutely no intention of ever marrying a woman with kids. We didn't throw around terms like "beta" or "gamma" but that's what it would have been. That was the 28 year old me.
Now If I were to find myself single again at my advanced age, I would certainly consider taking on a 35 year old lady with a couple of kids.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
no...... at this stage in my life i could date someone with kids but would not get serious until they were adults.Obviously that would mean the kids would be older ...say like 15,14
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
I would take on more children, I love kids. No matter what I'd do my best to try and make it work.
The only thing that would concern me would be if I would be considered a father or not in the child's mind. If I was the proper father, then I think things would work out relatively well.
If the child is a teenager and doesn't want me to supplant his natural father... well that would make the job very difficult when the child is rebellious.
If children don't respect the parent(s) then things can get out of hand very quickly, especially in their teenage years.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
When I was 21 I met and married my ex husband, and I had a 2 year old little boy. My sons sperm donar bailed on him (funny since he begged me for a child) and my ex husband raised my son from 2 and even after we divorced, he still takes "our" son when he picks up our other children for the weekends and vacations. We may have our differences and didn't have a good marriage, but he is an excellent dad to our children. He had full custody of his children (his daughter was adopted from his first ex wife, so not his biologically).
The only thing I regret not doing was to have my sons sperm donars rights terminated and have my ex husband adopt him, so if anything ever happens to me, all the kids go to my ex husband.
I don't get offended if guys wouldn't want to take on kids that aren't theirs. I do get offended when one of those guys does, and then it creates drama, and everything is blamed on those horrible children, woah is me, bullcrap. If you really don't want to parent step kids, then DON'T get involved, those kids are probably already dealing with their parents splitting up, if they start to love you and you feel you can't deal with them and leave, you're hurting them again.
Being a step parent is challenging, and sometimes it can downright suck, but you're the only one that knows if you can or can't do it. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to. Don't lead someone on, making them think they have a shot with you, and then you say "Well sorry, I can't be with you, you have kids" just don't get involved AT ALL and make everyone's life that much easier.
Re: Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours?
I think step children are going to be more and more these days. In the UK there are over a million single parent families, mainly mothers.
It wasn’t so in my day, it didn’t really come into the equation. I think society’s gone to pot in some ways. There was a debate on TV recently as to whether girls as young as thirteen should be allowed to get birth control from the pharmacist without either their parents or doctors knowledge and approval.
Thirteen years old. Having sex. And all with the approval of the State.
For me (in my day!) there was a lot of shame associated with under sixteen pregnancies and even birth outside of wedlock. All that seems to have gone by in the wind and we literally have an explosion of unmarried mothers living off the State.
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Would you take on children that aren't biologically yours? 
