I am not married or even dating, so if it is inappropriate for me to be posting this here, please forgive me, just let me know and I won't come back.
I am struggling here and just need to know, if you could imagine, at some point before your marriage, your beloved fiancee told you she had briefly been a escort/prostitute, would you have still married her? What if it was before your engagement, or after your wedding? Thank you for your honest answers.
I am struggling here and just need to know, if you could imagine, at some point before your marriage, your beloved fiancee told you she had briefly been a escort/prostitute, would you have still married her? What if it was before your engagement, or after your wedding? Thank you for your honest answers.
I don't see why that should be a deal breaker but I'd want to know that she'd been thoroughly tested for STDs before sleeping with her. As many people on here will tell you, what someone was in the past is kind of irrelevant, what makes all the difference is what they are in the here and now.
That would raise serious questions about how their childhood affected their self worth.
I'd want to know - in particular - what steps they'd taken to address those issues, and what revelations brought them to the good place they now are.
No rug sweeping and no "hoping" it turns out ok.
There's a HUGE amount of information I would need to be considering an LTR with such a person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Illbehisfoolagain
I am not married or even dating, so if it is inappropriate for me to be posting this here, please forgive me, just let me know and I won't come back.
I am struggling here and just need to know, if you could imagine, at some point before your marriage, your beloved fiancee told you she had briefly been a escort/prostitute, would you have still married her? What if it was before your engagement, or after your wedding? Thank you for your honest answers.
It doesn’t really matter what others think about such things. In these cases the only opinion that counts is yours.
If you had a healthy level of self-esteem you wouldn’t ask such a question.
that's a bit harsh, isn't it?
Assuming the poster is female and a former one-time escort, she has some real concerns whether a future boyfriend would consider marrying her due to her past.
Or maybe the poster is a guy and isn't sure that he wants to be in that situation. Doesn't have anything to do with self-esteem but rather making a tough decision that will affect the rest of your life (or as long as marriages last these days).
To answer the question, yes I would still marry that person provided there was a frank discussion and understanding that it was in the past.
tbh as a guy i'd be fine with it. so what if you slept with other people even if it was for money. i've bought girls drinks so they would sleep with me during college and never considered that could be a deal breaker :P
I am not married or even dating, so if it is inappropriate for me to be posting this here, please forgive me, just let me know and I won't come back.
I am struggling here and just need to know, if you could imagine, at some point before your marriage, your beloved fiancee told you she had briefly been a escort/prostitute, would you have still married her? What if it was before your engagement, or after your wedding? Thank you for your honest answers.
Welcome to TAM.If she told me before engagement I would view it as being honest because she really values me and respects my right in making fully informed decisions,especially life changing ones.If she told me after we were married I would view it as deceit for gain,totally self-serving.jmo
I am struggling here and just need to know, if you could imagine, at some point before your marriage, your beloved fiancee told you she had briefly been a escort/prostitute, would you have still married her? What if it was before your engagement, or after your wedding? Thank you for your honest answers.
If it was a part of your past before me I wouldn`t have a problem with it.
If you were escorting during our relationship or during a break in our relationship it would have a negative impact on me.
Whether or not I married her would depend upon the details of why, when, how?
My past was littered(b4 hubby) with MANY sex partners. You wouldn't BELIEVE how many men take it personally(either jealousy or disgust) when you tell them that. I couldn't imagine a guy's response to the "I was an escort"
I think it's most men(even here) automatically critisize a women's sexual past-regardless whether they did the same.
One of my best friend's was a prostitute. She was a teenager and had a heroine addiction. Years later when she met her husband over 20yrs ago-she didn't tell him because she knew he would judge her. It's a hard decision either way-we're always taught to be honest-but I definitely don't want you to lose a chance with someone you love because of their "hang ups"
I would never advocate for lying or omitting the truth-as some have said, just because the female was an escort/prostitute DOES NOT guarantee she is unsafe much more then male partners who sleep unprotected with several women!
I would say-if you have given up that lifestyle-have spent at least a year getting checked for STD's and other sexual diseases and let him know sexually you're taking it easy...then proceed carefully with what you say.
It's bad enough with prostitutes getting a nasty reputations with police and media-I couldn't imagine he's treat you any better if he knew and you guys weren't together very long.
As long as I was told up front it would not be a deal breaker. If I was told after engagement I honestly don't know. I'd have to be in the situation to know, really. If I was told after marriage, that means that I was deceived in a big way. That would be a deal breaker.
In some ways, knowing before getting engaged might make me feel even closer to her.
Yes, it is a very real concern of mine that I will never meet a man who will consider me worthy or capable of being a wife, or for starters, even a girlfriend. Truth be told, I have not been intimate since the last time I had sex for money, which is going on a half a decade ago.
DanglingDaisy did keeping a secret like that from her husband of so many years, wear on her at all? I am the type of person who HATES having secrets. And on the flip side, I would know that if I didn't disclose such information, the man would never truly be loving the whole me, because no matter what, my past makes up who I am.
Yes, it is a very real concern of mine that I will never meet a man who will consider me worthy or capable of being a wife, or for starters, even a girlfriend. Truth be told, I have not been intimate since the last time I had sex for money, which is going on a half a decade ago.
DanglingDaisy did keeping a secret like that from her husband of so many years, wear on her at all? I am the type of person who HATES having secrets. And on the flip side, I would know that if I didn't disclose such information, the man would never truly be loving the whole me, because no matter what, my past makes up who I am.
tbh i don't think it is really anything to be ashamed of. if you say it out in the open and the guy doesn't give you a chance he's probably insecure and not worth your time anyways
Leading a rather checkered life in my younger days I was friends with quite a few young women who shared a similar story to your own.The ones who left the life,for the most part anyway,went on to have good fulfilling lives as wives and mothers.There are many,many men in the world who are very realistic in their thinking and know that this old world can be harsher to some more so than others,and place more emphasize on how a person is in the here and now.The more you try to live your life in the right way,learn to forgive yourself and let go of the past,the stronger your own sense of worth can become.Don't let your fears dictate your life and you can find that someone special who will love you for the person you are and not who you were in the past.jmo.Peace
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Deal breakers, and how to gently inform? 
