HUMOUR--- That's what is needed here

heartsbeating · 05-09-2012, 10:29 PM

I helped serve a bus tour of oldies recently. All in their 90's. They were hilarious and quirky and feisty. This was a joke one of them told. You might have heard it before but it seemed even funnier coming from a 95 year old lady. Also I'm awful at telling jokes, so I'll do my best to recap it properly. Here goes (sorry about the long intro!)

Wife tells her husband to meet her in the bedroom. He finds her in sexy lingerie and holding a couple of scarves. She tells him "Tie me up then do whatever you want!" With excitement he tied her to the bed then went fishing for the weekend.

heartsbeating · 05-09-2012, 10:30 PM

Did I do the joke justice? I told you I'm awful at telling jokes lol.

Blank · 05-09-2012, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frustr8dhubby

OK, I hope I don't get banned/blasted for this one:

"Women are like screen doors, you have to bang 'em a few times to loosen them up.."

Ok Next one--

Mobile phones are the only subject on which all boast about who’s got the smallest.

Neil Kinnock

BTW- I am surprised not to find any women here ! May be they lack sense of Humour

heartsbeating · 05-09-2012, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blank

BTW- I am surprised not to find any women here ! May be they lack sense of Humour

oye ......I tried!

There are plenty of humorous women around here.

Blank · 05-10-2012, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by heartsbeating

Did I do the joke justice? I told you I'm awful at telling jokes lol.

Yes, You Did ! ........ (Wanted to say so many things....)

But as they say-- its better to keep quiet and let people wonder if you are a fool, rather than opening your mouth and proving them right.

So, I keep quiet here-

anyway, Next One-

A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
--Helen Rowland

okeydokie · 05-10-2012, 09:19 AM

a husband wakes up early to go fishing, sneaks out of bed and heads out to hook up the boat. he finds the weather is horrible, cold, windy and raining sideways so he thinks, screw this, i'll head back up stairs slip back into bed and try to hustle up some loving from the wife.

as he slips back into bed he wispers into her sleepy ear, hey baby, im here, the weather is horrible outside. she pulls him in tight and say i know darling, can you believe my dumbass husband went fishing

RandomDude · 05-11-2012, 01:06 AM

Quote:

KISS principle=(Keep It Small & Simple)

Errr... I thought it was more like...

"Keep It Simple Stupid!" ;D

Blank · 05-11-2012, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandomDude

Errr... I thought it was more like...

"Keep It Simple Stupid!" ;D

No stupxd word.

I use only clean words.

WorkingOnMe · 05-11-2012, 01:27 PM

Why do brides always smile? Because they know they never have to **** **** again!

frustr8dhubby · 05-11-2012, 01:31 PM

Hanging on our fridge:

"Marriage comes from Heaven. So does thunder and lightning"..

Blank · 05-12-2012, 08:56 AM

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates

lost soul · 05-16-2012, 04:03 AM

me and God have an agreement ,,, He stay's out of my house and I stay out of his ! ! !

hahahhaahaaaa I'm sorry ! ! ! I'll leave now

lonesomegra · 05-16-2012, 07:18 PM

A preacher is reading the riot act to his congregation.
'THERE ARE ONLY TWO LAWS. MAN'S LAW AND GOD'S LAW!'

So little Jimmy at the back pipes up 'What about Coleslaw?'

lonesomegra · 05-16-2012, 07:28 PM

What do you call a woman with a sense of humour?

Beats me, I've never met one yet!

cao428 · 05-16-2012, 08:43 PM

Cheating hubby..is this for real or a joke you heard? Can I use it? Loved it!