I am afraid my wife may have this. We have been married almost 4 years and planned on having children. I was laid off in November and unfortunately, still have yet to find employment. She was talking about trying fro kids before I was laid off but I was not ready yet. Now with the situation the way it is, I am definately not ready. My wife seems to care very little about the ordeal I(we) are in. Yesterday she told me she wants to take a break from me. All of this revolves around me not being ready for a child.
Does anyone on here think it is wise to try for a child while I am unemployed? I think I am being responsible, she thinks I am stalling and holding her back. If she can't love me enough without a baby, how can she love me enough with one. She didn't suggest counseling or anything...only taking a break.
Well, if you are "not ready" to have a child, and your wife really does, that's a major issue in marriage. You guys are not on the same page.
Either get on the same page, or let each other do their own decision.
You are walking a dangerous road. I cannot imagine a situation where I would say it is a good idea to introduce a child into a relationship that is already strained. As crazy as it sounds, I would be honest with her and tell her that you need to put the fires out in your relationship before having kids.
Hopefully, during the repair process you two will come to a meeting of minds on this very important topic. As an aside, I am a father of six and in looking back had I waited "to be ready" I still wouldn't have any children.
I had my first child at 19 and was far from being financially ready. Somehow it all worked out.
Waiting is the smart thing to do, but it puts strain on your marriage, I'd really think about it. Does she work? Maybe it will be enough until you find employment. Your in a very difficult situation. The best luck to you!
I have 3 of my own. I'm kicking myself for not having another. Now it's too late and I can't take back time.
I think there's a difference between not being where you'd like to be financially - and being unemployed.
Its rare that you actually step back and feel comfortable with your finances. If you wait for THAT day - you'll never have kids.
Also wanted to add - when I saw the word "Babyitis" in the title - its very real. My Ex and I were on the same page for years about waiting a bit longer and not being ready. Around the time she hit 27, it was like a switch got flipped. She suddenly became very insistent that it was time and she was ready.
I had foolishly thought that day would never come and had a lot of catching up to do.
Her urge to have a child came on strong and without warning.
And if it sounds like I'm being silly or cute - I'm not.
Me & my husband never made alot of money -we had 6 kids.... the most he made was $8 an hour when we had our 1st... he had excellent Health insurance & we could afford to pay all of our bills & rent....with some saved for emergencies and/or a used car...before we tried though. I worked near till I delivered. We had cheap rent & I was majorly frugal. This helped alot.
When I read what society claims it takes in dallors to raise 1 child for a year... I have to laugh....maybe if you buy them everything at retail price, have no health insurance & spoil them with luxeries at every turn ..but none of this is necessary at all. Buy used, use coupons, share babysitting, etc etc.
It is very responsible to make sure you can pay your bills, if not, it will cause tremendous hardship in your marraige.
If your wife thinks she can continue spending as she was with your being laid off, that is another issue, you have to come together, work on a plan....a handle on finances....with a goal in place... and is KIDS in the future when a job is had?
It would have been a dealbreaker for me, that was in my heart, nothing else would have satisfied me. That is something you will never be able to take out of a woman -if she is geared this way. Some aren't. She may be able to wait a little....and if she is responsible she will gather & save in getting ready for that baby...but she won't wait forever.
How old is your wife? That can also be a factor with her sudden urge to have children. Either she has reached the age of 25-30 or she may be at the end of her childbearing years and doesn't want to miss out-now or never.
There is nothing wrong with not feeling ready for children, especially if you are unemployed. The urge to have children is instinctual and not rational, which is why your wife is not thinking clearly about this. Does she think raising a baby costs nothing?
Some women only get married to become mothers. If your wife is so adamant about having children that she is willing to separate, you and she are not compatible.
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to have a job when you start a family. It seems like common sense. Of course there is a difference between not being completely comfortable financially and being without employment.
There's nothing wrong with your line of thinking but the problem is that I understand your wife's thinking. I still get babyitis every now and then and have to truly fight the urge to have another even though I know really, really well that it's not in my family's best interest. I can't really explain it.
So in this case you have valid points but you can't discount her feelings. I think you should tell her that you want a family too and you can't wait to begin one but ask her to just hang on while you find work (not sure her work situation) and are financially more stable. Explain your fear on not being able to provide what her and the child will need. Hopefully, if you validate her feelings then she will understand your concerns in return.