I have been married 17yrs and recently my wife has devoted her time to her cell phone. She has private conversations till 2am and is very distant with me. For the past 4 years, I have isolated myself in my room engulfed with the tv and computer. I have lost sight of what was going on around me. Now we had a big fight and I said some things I shouldn't have said and now regret. I can't erase the words from her mind and make her forgive me. I love my wife and want to save my marriage. I am not sure what to do. What actions can I take? Is there anyone else that has gone through this situation. Was this a mid-life crisis for me? My eyes are wide open to our situation and I am doing whatever I can to try to vie for her attention. Nothing seems to work. Help me please.......
There are many issues in your small thread that you need to address. Who is she talking with private until two am?
And what did you say to her that would be unforgivable?
Are the first questions that come to mind.
I think you need to put a few more details into your post to be understood and get advise. I bet you both have checked out and that there is much more to this.
2am........I would say cheating is a cause of cell phone attached to head until two am.
I am not sure who she is talking too. When that happened, I decided to comsume large quantities of alcohol. I am not a drinker at all, I just wanted it to ease the emotional pain I was in. I know I had told her to get out of the house the rest I'm not sure of. She told me I might have been flirting at the bar and I said the woman working the bar was cute. I don't remember this, but I am sure as I am alive, that I would never have done anything inappropriate. I love my wife. She is always on my mind.
I am not sure who she is talking too. When that happened, I decided to comsume large quantities of alcohol. I am not a drinker at all, I just wanted it to ease the emotional pain I was in. I know I had told her to get out of the house the rest I'm not sure of. She told me I might have been flirting at the bar and I said the woman working the bar was cute. I don't remember this, but I am sure as I am alive, that I would never have done anything inappropriate. I love my wife. She is always on my mind.
AR is right - private phone conversations are not ok. You need to find out who she's talking to. While you may have been emotionally removed from the marriage for the past 4 years that is not justification for her looking outside of your marriage. While your post is not enough for me to say "she's cheating" it's more than enough for me to say - reengage in your marriage and find out who she's talking to. Hope and pray it's just a female friend. If it's not you've got a huge problem - come back before you react and let those here who've been through it advise you on how to proceed.
I can't check her phone records. She has blocked my access. She says it's just friends she is talking to and talking about our relationship. I have never felt such emotional pain, I am at a loss. I know in my heart that I love her. I also know that I can't live without her. The things I said to her were in anger and for spite. I didn't mean it, I just wanted her to feel a little of the hurt I was feeling. I am alone in all this. I have no one to talk to, that is why I looked for this forum. I tried talking to a few people and they spoke out of turn to other people, which got back to my wife and made things worse. I am ready for the end. The pain is daily and constant.
Yeah, you need to find out who she's talking to. Have you asked her? What did she say? Chances are she'll say it's none of your business, she'll say you have no reason to ask, you're making it seem like you don't trust her, it's no one/nothing, then she'll delete the call history. If you ask her not to delete stuff but to show you instead, she'll get defensive about it and try to turn the tables and make you look like the bad guy.
Att sony smartphone. She says she is talking to friends and family about our relationship and doesn't want me to listen because she doesn't want me to hear things that might hurt me or give me false hope. I believe her and would give her the time and space to talk privately on her phone. But when she is done, she doesn't have time for me. All I want to do is talk. In the past all we did was fight. Recently I started to talk to her about my feelings and being open and honest with her. The talks seem to help me and I believe we should have done that to begin with. She is a very strong woman and I know she could forgive me and give it a chance to work. I am not sure she wants to. Is there anyway I can change that?
need a model name for the phone, google the name and retrieve texts and see what pops up
you know her reasons for being on the phone are complete and utter BS, if she is spending so much time asking for advice on the relationship then why isn't she talking to you about anything to improve it?
I would get a VAR and hide it near where she is talking
major depression/crying bouts/breakdowns that come from little triggers? Yes
rapid weight loss/loss of appetite (some may overeat and gain weight)? Yes
lack of sleep/insomnia/nightmares (some may sleep too much and lose lack of desire to do anything)? Yes to all three.
possible bouts of nausea/diarrhea? Nausea, yes
waves of anxiety/panic attacks? Yes
possible suicidal thoughts (if this happens immediately get medical help)? Yes, plenty
lots of fantasizing of either violent events of your husband or OW or both or revenge tactics? No
lack of ability to concentrate or focus (be very careful while driving, I almost got into a big accident the day after dday)? Yes
forgetting appointments or events? Yes
physical shaking is possible as well? Yes, daily with my thoughts
immune system getting suppressed and picking up nasty cold or flu
? Not sure yet
I really don't want to snoop. I trust her even after all this. I want to give her the time to find her way back to me. I only seek some sort of confirmation from her. I have changed the way I think about her and perceive her in a new light. I have taken her for granted for many years. She has been trying to let me back in by letting me take her out to dinner and to a comedy club. We spent mothers day as a family and it was one of the most enjoyable experiences I have had. I want more of that. It was just me, my wife, and our 3 wonderful children.
8Likes
I feel Alienated 
