His top love language is Quality Time, followed closely by Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. In order to better communicate my love to him, I'm trying to come up with little means, ways, and activities that speak those languages.
My first choice was a voucher for a 60-minute Swedish massage, since he enjoys them (and they help relieve the aches of his very physical job). He seemed thrilled by my gift. Gentlemen of TAM, what other ways do you recommend I show him the love?
One of my top languages is Quality Time too. It's very satisfying when we spend time cuddled up in bed chatting, or visiting a historical site together.
Physical Touch is something I need to work on, though. He's usually more into the hug/kiss/hand holding than I am. Maybe I need to scrawl crib notes on my hand.
Can you combine the two languages - quality time and physical touch by massaging himself yourself? Especially as he's already receptive to them. It could be as simple as a foot massage or shoulder rub. He can still have the professional massage therapy sessions to ease his muscles but this could also be time for you to connect as well.
Another idea that came to mind was sharing a bath together. It's a way to be in touch physically while still having that quality time. Listen to music, soak in the tub, chat and enjoy.
Oops, I'm not a gentleman... I just have an opinion!
My H really responds to physical touch, both giving and receiving -- it doesn't always have to be sexual. I make sure to always stroke and caress him at every opportunity.
I looooove baths. It breaks my heart that we have such a little tub that we can't share! One of the highlights of our wedding/honeymoon was soaking in the giant heart-shaped Jacuzzi together.
I do try to massage him a bit when we're together. I can only go for a few minutes, though. Usually I have to switch to rubbing or scratching (or this little fingertip feathering thing that gives him goosebumps and makes him purr - heh heh).
Your husband sounds alot like m - I am very much a Touch/Words guy, with quality time close behind. She is Acts of Service all the way, and maybe gifts/qt.
A Sweedish Massage is a great idea. I'd go through the roof if my wife ordered me one. It's so often seen as something men get for their women, but men love this just as much.
And of course, sex is really all five of those languages combined - so it's the most efficient way to cover all your bases!
Sabrina,
I'm a big physical touch and words of affection person. This was really tough for me the last six months of my marriage. My ex wife used to be so great at holding my hand, snuggling, she used to give me the best hugs in the whole world. Then as she was pulling away she pulled the affection away. She still gave me sex, but hugging and kissing was non existent, I had to beg for it. It hurt more than anything.
As for your suggestions, anything that shows you realize what he likes. Heck be naughty and smack his butt when you walk by (I enjoyed that). My favorite would be when my ex would lightly run her finger on my face, in a tracing motion. Hard to explain.
I guess I'm just an old soul, I loved holding hands, things like that. As for words of affection, I wouild write little love notes, give her cards. She used to do that for me.
I'm worried that now that I'm in my mid thirties I won't find that type of relationship again.
I love walking the dogs with her - 4 miles or more - no cell phones. Just us and the dogs. We both really like playing tennis - played tonight.
Quality time is a big deal to her also. If we had a 100 points to spread:
1. Quality time:
Me: 30 points
Her: 30 points
Her: about the same
2. Touch/sex:
Me: 35 points
Her: 20 points
3. Acts of service:
Me: 10 points
Her: 30 points
4. Words of affirmation:
Me: 10 points
Her: 10 points
5. Gifts:
Me: zero
Her: close to zero
6. Sacrifice: (I include this as a separate category. It is very different than an act of service. It applies when we have a choice to do (A), (B) or (C), and our preferences differ.
Me: 10 points
Her: 10 points
His top love language is Quality Time, followed closely by Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. In order to better communicate my love to him, I'm trying to come up with little means, ways, and activities that speak those languages.
My first choice was a voucher for a 60-minute Swedish massage, since he enjoys them (and they help relieve the aches of his very physical job). He seemed thrilled by my gift. Gentlemen of TAM, what other ways do you recommend I show him the love?
It’s physical touch from the woman we’re in love with that’s important. Physical touch in these circumstances can be at the very least comforting and bonding all the way up to erotica, it’s why some men go to massage parlours! Lets hope your H doesn’t fall in love with the masseur.
It’d be far better to get massage oils and all the trimmings, incense etc. and give him massages yourself! That’s what it’s all about.
Plus touch him in the way he touches you. If he walks up behind you, puts his arms around your waste and gives you a soft hug, do the same to him. Mirror his touching behaviour.
As well as buying him a massage, next you’ll be getting him to go along to another woman to give him words of affirmation!
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
“ …. hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward”. This is what is REALLY key. In essence words of affirmation are the thanks we get (Appreciation) for the things (services) we provide. Lets say for example that you’re a stay at home mum. Your H goes to work and from that pays all the bills, rent/mortgage, gas, electric, rates, food, holidays etc. etc. etc. etc.
Because those things your H provides are ALWAYS THERE they get taken for granted which means your H gets taken for granted. Plus it may well be that your H actually enjoys going to work, enjoys being the provider while at the same time you’re kind of “stuck” at home with the kids. Which can in turn lead to resentment of your H! So over time not only does your H feel unappreciated by his wife, through her resentment she starts to have dislike and passive anger against him. This is a double edged sword!
It is a lot about counting your blessings BEFORE you lose them. And one of the ways to ensure this doesn’t happen is to know what blessings your H brings your way (can be difficult to “discover” if they’ve been there a long time) is through words of Affirmation/Appreciation.
This is why I suggested massaging him yourself too... okay unrelated to AFEH's mention of erotic massage... But rather if touch is his "language" it needs to be spoken to him by you, his wife.
The massage voucher was nice but I would have termed that more in the language of gift-giving rather than physical touch, even though the gift was a massage. It was thoughtful but the language of touch and quality time needs to come from you.
Particularly as his job is physically demanding and massage therapy is good for well-being, there's nothing wrong with him getting professional massages (I'm not referring to "parlours") but for deep tissue etc. but his "physical touch" needs still need to come from his lover. Consider the two things as separate to each other. Posted via Mobile Device
Plus touch him in the way he touches you. If he walks up behind you, puts his arms around your waste and gives you a soft hug, do the same to him. Mirror his touching!
I really like this advice.
It's in the little things too. Walking the dogs with H today, I rubbed my hand across his back, held onto his arm so that we were walking arm in arm, and I planted a kiss on his cheek while we were waiting to cross the road. He's big on Physical Touch too. As for massaging him yourself and feeling like you can only do a few minutes, masseurs use body mechanics to get pressure (and sometimes use elbows and forearms - but not recommended unless you know what you're doing), rather than it all coming from the hands, but if simply giving him a foot massage or something... The more you do, the more tolerance you should build and then be able to massage for longer (assuming you don't have an RSI or anything, of course!). Best wishes. Posted via Mobile Device
It’s physical touch from the woman we’re in love with that’s important. Physical touch in these circumstances can be at the very least comforting and bonding all the way up to erotica, it’s why some men go to massage parlours! Lets hope your H doesn’t fall in love with the masseur.
As well as buying him a massage, next you’ll be getting him to go along to another woman to give him words of affirmation!
I actually found that pretty hurtful. My husband got periodic massages before he met me, at up-and-up places like Massage Envy - and he's not afraid to have a man do it. He got professional massages for the aches of his job, not to get off.
I do massage him at home as best I can, but as I pointed out before you posted, my hands can only go so long. That's why I bought him a long massage, so that someone can get the deep tissue stuff done right. It's me showing that I care about his physical well-being.
Your last comment there was particularly uncalled for. You had some good advice, but you bookended it with suggesting that I'm palming my husband off on others. That, I feel, bypassed the entire point of this thread.
I actually found that pretty hurtful. My husband got periodic massages before he met me, at up-and-up places like Massage Envy - and he's not afraid to have a man do it. He got professional massages for the aches of his job, not to get off.
I do massage him at home as best I can, but as I pointed out before you posted, my hands can only go so long. That's why I bought him a long massage, so that someone can get the deep tissue stuff done right. It's me showing that I care about his physical well-being.
Your last comment there was particularly uncalled for. You had some good advice, but you bookended it with suggesting that I'm palming my husband off on others. That, I feel, bypassed the entire point of this thread.
My wife and I are both "quality time" and "physical touch".
We touch, hug, kiss, hold hands all the time. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a quick hug or light kiss as you pass in the house or reach out and hold hands as we walk.
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Show Him the Love 
