A little background: My STBXH and I should NOT have gotten married. He informed me at one point that he only married me because I was pregnant. We were both a wreck when we got married. I've gotten better. He hasn't.
I gave him the option to go to counseling and he basically told me that nothing was going to change because he wasn't interested in fixing anything. So STBXH and I sat down and talked out how we wanted to split everything. We agreed on everything without much negotiating.
I wrote up the agreement based on what we had agreed to, and now he is back pedaling on the things he agreed to. I think it is because he wants more money to blow on stupid things (since he has taken up drinking and fast food every day again), but regardless, I think he's being selfish (which is no surprise).
Here is the deal: STBXH makes a little bit over minimum wage and works anywhere from 8-30 hours of overtime every week (by choice) on top of his 40 hours. He has no expenses. He always has and always will live here with his dad. He has no rent, no utilities, no car payment, no credit card bills, etc. His only costs are gas for the car, minutes for the prepaid cell he never uses, beer, smokes, and fast food (I do cook food, he just refuses to eat it out of spite and he's too lazy to make his own food).
In our settlement agreement, we have:
*$500/mo for spousal support for 20 months (this adds up to the 10K he offered to pay on my student loans to help improve my credit so that I can hopefully buy a condo after I graduate)
*$200/mo for child support (and if his income goes up, then the amount goes up proportionally) This does not start until after I move out, which right now would be around mid-2014.
*We split health care costs based on what is more economical (right now our son is covered by a state program, and probably will stay that way until I get a job in 2014)
*We split education costs (since STBXH and I agreed since day one that our son would go to private school). College will be our son's responsibility. School costs would start Fall of 2014.
My STBXH is now saying that this arrangement is not fair.
Is this agreement unfair? Or is he just being a selfish child? I just really need some male perspective here.
Not a male, but $200/mo is seriously low for child support.
As you go through this process, please remember to focus on your child. Although you can be as irked as you want to about how he spends his money, that's not relevant to the legal process, so don't keep bringing that up. It's about raising your child in a healthy and safe manner, and I sure hope you have not signed off on anything legal yet with that $200 figure, because that's bupkus.
Many jurisdictions have specific fixed child support obligations depending on income. If you don't want to hire a lawyer you should at least do a google search and see what you can find out.
Spousal support is hard to guess at without knowing a whole lot of other information.
I agree that since your marriage is ending, how he spends his money or lives his life is no longer relevant. All that matters is what is a far allocation of the child care costs.
Not a male, but $200/mo is seriously low for child support.
As you go through this process, please remember to focus on your child. Although you can be as irked as you want to about how he spends his money, that's not relevant to the legal process, so don't keep bringing that up. It's about raising your child in a healthy and safe manner, and I sure hope you have not signed off on anything legal yet with that $200 figure, because that's bupkus.
According to the state calculator, that's what he'd be paying at his current wage. Plus he'd have health care costs and significant education costs once 2014 rolls around. I don't want to bankrupt the man, but I do want him to contribute.
If he keeps making that same wage he's making now, then about half his check will go toward supporting our son once 2014 comes around (between the child support, health insurance, and education costs.) But he has no expenses and had no interest in working things out, so I don't feel sorry for him. And, if he starts earning more money, then the child support amount goes up. If education costs go up, then he has to pay his share of that too. He's not getting off scott free.
Based on family law up here, child support is table driven based on recent tax data. It's not something that you as a parent can or should be giving up for your child. A judge wont sign off on an agreement that isn't valid. There is also tax considerations for one type of payment vs. the other (spousal is a tax deduction for the one paying it).
Based on the limited info you give, the numbers seem out of whack. But maybe the total amounts are right. The proem would be that the spousal stops after 2 years, and I presume the child isn't 16 years old.
And I don't know anywhere where you can get a month of childcare for $200, not to mention food, and what about shelter? Utilities? Car payments?
Forget buying a condo, you are going to be hard pressed to buy school supplies.
But you will do as you see fit. I just hope you get some good legal advice. Good luck.
My son won't need child care. He'll be in school where they have before and after care (part of the education costs).
As to the other things, I would have those expenses with or without my son. I don't expect STBXH to pay to support ME. I will have my own income for housing, utilities, car, etc. I don't think paying for those things is my STBXH responsibility, to be honest. Yes, there will be extra expense for food, but I could feed myself and my son on $100/month because I'm awesome like that. I am a very thrifty and resourceful woman.
Kearson, you'll be getting $700 a month for two years and then $200 (or more) a month after two years?
I don't think this is enough.
700/month for two years (while I'm living rent and utility free here at FIL's house) and then when I move out it will be $200 for child support (if his wages have not gone up), approximately $600/month in educations costs, and approximately $200/month for healthcare, so $1000/mo, approximately, once 2014 rolls around (more if his wage goes up, or if educations costs rise, or if health insurance is crazy expensive).
700/month for two years (while I'm living rent and utility free here at FIL's house) and then when I move out it will be $200 for child support (if his wages have not gone up), approximately $600/month in educations costs, and approximately $200/month for healthcare, so $1000/mo, approximately, once 2014 rolls around (more if his wage goes up, or if educations costs rise, or if health insurance is crazy expensive).
OK, seems fair given his pay but definitely the bare minimum. I would tell him that if that doesn't suit him you will insist on bringing it to court. I assume you're doing this through mediation?
OK, seems fair given his pay but definitely the bare minimum. I would tell him that if that doesn't suit him you will insist on bringing it to court. I assume you're doing this through mediation?
We agreed to this on our own and now he's back pedaling before getting the agreement notarized. We are not going through formal mediation. He doesn't want to spend any time or money on this or go to court.
He and I are supposed to review the agreement again on Saturday, but before I throw the whole 'taking it to court' thing on the table, I wanted to make sure I wasn't being completely unreasonable in my amounts/expectations.
I know if I take him to court I could get more, and probably legal fees too. The thing is, he wouldn't be paying. His dad would be paying it to keep STBXH out of jail for contempt, and that poor man (my FIL) has already suffered enough because of my STBXH.
I'm not going to intentionally set this into motion unless it is my last resort because I don't want my FIL having to pay this money. Not to mention, I still need to live here for 2 more years, so I'd rather not 'set the place on fire', if you know what I mean.
So - your estimates are based on State guidelines?
The fact that you are living with his family should not be a factor. He could kick you out tomorrow and you'd have no recourse.
Also - not that it should matter - but you need to understand that Alimony/maintenance is considered taxable income for you - and child support is not taxed. So - kiss about 15% of the $500 per month goodbye...
Again, though... Child support is for your child. You should be agreeing to, at a minimum, whatever is laid out by the guidelines. If you don't need all that money every month, sock it away for your child's college fund. Use it to buy clothes for him. Whatever. My point is that you shouldn't be giving away your son's money.
Personally, I give my wife about 30% of my takehome pay. We don't have a support agreement in place, but this is based on the guidelines for my area. This works out to around $2500 per month, with a split of about $2000 for child support (2 kids, 11 and 13) and $500 spousal.
So - your estimates are based on State guidelines?
The fact that you are living with his family should not be a factor. He could kick you out tomorrow and you'd have no recourse.
Also - not that it should matter - but you need to understand that Alimony/maintenance is considered taxable income for you - and child support is not taxed. So - kiss about 15% of the $500 per month goodbye...
The child support amount in the agreement is based on the state calculator for child support.
My FIL will not kick me out. He and I have talked and he agrees that STBXH is a selfish child, but he feels guilty because he's babied him for over 3 decades, so he feels responsible.
And yes, I know that Alimony is taxable and child support is not. I wrote in the student loan money as alimony to give STBXH a break on his taxes. If I wanted to be evil, I wouldn't call it spousal support and I'd write is as a part of debt that he owes so that he'd get no 'credit' for it.
I'm trying very hard to make this amicable. I don't want either side to get royally screwed.
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Men's Perspective on Child Support 
