1st wedding night sex
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:07 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default 1st wedding night sex

Hie people, i'm new on TAM Forum, i'm getting married end of septmber this year, i'm 27, i have gone through some threads here on TAM, but i need help, i love my sweetheart very much but am so scared about having sex on Our wedding night as this wil be our 1st encounter in Our lives, we both virgins, we have talked about it, Our fears and expectations before, but she has this phobia thats its terribly painful losing virginity, as she has heard this from other married womans encounters. So i would like to know how i can assure her and do the act without making this imaginative pain a reality? Or if pain is guaranteed, how best can we have a less painful sex and make Our first encounter really memorable.
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

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Originally Posted by Orion09 View Post
Hie people, i'm new on TAM Forum, i'm getting married end of septmber this year, i'm 27, i have gone through some threads here on TAM, but i need help, i love my sweetheart very much but am so scared about having sex on Our wedding night as this wil be our 1st encounter in Our lives, we both virgins, we have talked about it, Our fears and expectations before, but she has this phobia thats its terribly painful losing virginity, as she has heard this from other married womans encounters. So i would like to know how i can assure her and do the act without making this imaginative pain a reality? Or if pain is guaranteed, how best can we have a less painful sex and make Our first encounter really memorable.
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My wife was a virgin up to our wedding night. If she's nervous and its your first time - it probably will hurt her. But that's ok, fortunately, it won't be your first time either.
My advice will be to keep your expectation level down, DO NOT expect fireworks and mountain-moving sex the first night. Just enjoy each other, do not put pressure on her and take it easy. Take it slow, and if you aren't able to do much on the first night, you'll have the second, third, fourth, etc to figure it out.
But my main advice is to not have the mentality you wrote at the end. If you go in thinking like that, you could very well be disappointed and the night will be memorable for the wrong reasons.
Remember:
NO PRESSURE
GO SLOW
ENJOY EACH OTHER
YOU HAVE REST OF YOUR LIVES
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Old 05-25-2012, 06:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

Orion, some women experience mild pain the first few times, some don't. We're all built differently. I would encourage you both not to dwell on it, or it'll distract you from discovering each other.

What I will also counsel is that neither of you pin all your fireworks hopes on your first time together. Sex is something that you'll improve at with time and practice and communication. After all - no one sits down and paints a masterpiece the first time they pick up a brush!

Go slow. Be patient, be loving, make funny mistakes, and don't be afraid to laugh. Sex can be so much fun with the one you love.

Edited to add: invest in a lover's kit for your honeymoon. We brought along the Strawberry Dreams Weekender Kit, from Kama Sutra. Goodies like Almond Massage Oil and Honey Dust will help you love on each other and relax some prior to penetration. And the Love Liquid will help you ease inside her more gently. Good stuff.

Last edited by SabrinaBlue; 05-29-2012 at 06:28 PM. Reason: Gave wrong lube name! :P
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Old 05-26-2012, 03:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

Tip for her - Try and relax the muscles. Kegel exercises wld be helpful Kegel exercises: A how-to guide for women - MayoClinic.com
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Old 05-26-2012, 09:14 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

It might be a good idea for her to check with a gyno and see if a hymenotomy (removal of the hymen) would be helpful.

Learn everything you can about each other's bodies and sexual responses. Foreplay is fun.. for both of you. And oral, lots and lots of oral.

She comes first is a really informative read on female sexuality, and learning how to go down on her like a champ.
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Old 05-26-2012, 02:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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My husband and I were both virgins until our marriage last year. He's a very nice lover now, but one of the mistakes he made on our wedding night was to try to insert himself before I was fully aroused. (My hymen had already been broken, so that wasn't the issue for us.) However, before marriage, he used to kiss me for hours, so I was already heated through fully. But the first time we had intercourse after our marriage, he assumed that now that we were 'allowed' to have sex, he wanted to penetrate without much foreplay. Big mistake, as it just ended up hurting me a lot.

So I would advise that you start with a lot of foreplay and make sure her body is fully aroused and wet before you have intercourse. You might also want to invest in some lubricant to make insertion easier and less painful for her. It might also help to have her be the one to control your insertion by guiding your penis inside her, to make it less traumatic or painful for her.

Another suggestion, based on my own experiences, if for you to not have any hangups about giving oral sex. Intercourse may not be enough to make your wife orgasm, so you might have to use your tongue on her to make her climax. (It may take 10-20 minutes, so be prepared.) My husband was initially uncomfortable with oral (as he was afraid of germs). I explained to him that a mouth has a lot more bacteria than a vagina, but it took awhile for him to get used to that idea. It took him many tries before he got to a place of being okay with giving oral... and eventually loving it (now he can't get enough of giving me oral). However, all those initial times when he used to make faces at my genitals, that used to just make me sad. Understand that all women's genitals have a certain kind of odor, which is totally normal, especially if you are virgins and she doesn't have any STDs to worry about. As long as she's using proper hygiene, just accept that her smell down there is her own, and don't make her feel bad for who she is.

Another thing that helped me, was that when I first started having sex with my husband, is that I took some cranberry capsules to prevent urinary infections. She can take the capsules or just drink cranberry juice, as lots of women get urinary infections from sex after they first start. It also helps a women reduce the chances of infections if she makes sure to urinate shortly after sex (to get rid of any bacteria you may have introduced to her with your body).

For a guy, it actually helps him to urinate before sex so that he can last longer. (Of course, make sure to wash yourself after urinating so you don't bring a urine smell into the bedroom). Take a lot of deep breaths while you are having sex so that you can last a bit longer before climaxing.

Also, this may sound silly, but make sure you know how to use contraception before starting. Read the instructions on the condom box before your first sexual experience. Make sure to put it on the right way and leave some gap in the front (for semen to collect). And when you are through with sex, make sure to hold the base down with your hand while removing your penis from her, so that the condom doesn't get stuck inside of her by accident.

Those were the things my husband and I learned when we started sexual intimacy 6 months ago. Hope some of these suggestions may be useful to you.
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Old 05-26-2012, 02:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Being lube as the nerves may dry her up, also a pillow to raise the pelvis will help with the angle of penetration for less pain
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Old 05-26-2012, 03:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

Take it slowly, lots of foreplay and use a lubricant, as suggested by LadyFrogFlyAway. KY Jelly is also another good lubricant, and is used by most Gynaecologists and doctors.

Nowadays, the hymen is often broken (or stretched) due to the use of tampons and a more active life style, than in bye-gone eras, so it is less likely to be as painful as your fiancee is imagining it will be.
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Old 05-26-2012, 03:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

We are one of those nightmare couples -where the husband COULDN'T get it in. Yeah...looking back, it's a pretty crazy story. We can about it now, but back then, it was pretty frustrating. We conceived our 1st son before my husband fully penetrated me, my hymen was SO RIDGID, I ended up going to the OBGYN about it 3 months later (Boy was that ever embarrassing!) & learned I was pregnant 2 days later.

At that point, he still didn't want to hurt me ...but now was worried about our baby.

Crazy 1st year sexually indeed. But ya know what.....we did it all together.... I can't say my husband ever hurt me, he took his time and we just worked at it, I have no excrusiating memories of this at all -just him being ever loving, patient......we didn't get discouraged, just kept going at it - till the mighty breakthrough! Been wonderful ever since.

Yeah, don't have high expectations, I doubt your experience will be as BAD as ours...but if you have some trouble & it takes a awhile, a week or two.... it all works out.
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Old 05-27-2012, 12:55 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

Wow, thanks guyz i've gone through all ur threads, i find them very helpful, thanks a million times. Any more things or stuf to help us prepare for this 1st tym event
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Old 05-28-2012, 05:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

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Originally Posted by SabrinaBlue View Post
Edited to add: invest in a lover's kit for your honeymoon. We brought along the Strawberry Dreams Weekender Kit, from Kama Sutra. Goodies like Almond Massage Oil and Honey Dust will help you love on each other and relax some prior to penetration. And the Oil of Love will help you ease inside her more gently. Good stuff.
I like the idea of a kit, as my husband and I have never tried that thus far (as we have used condoms). However, I was just thinking that I should probably tell the OP that oil and condoms don't go together, as oil can make condoms break. So if his wife is on birth control pills, then it would be okay for them to use an oil-based lubricant if they aren't using condoms or barriers. But if condoms are their choice of contraception, then they sure ensure to use a water-based (non-oil) lubricant on the genitals. I am uncertain if any types of condoms can be used with oil-based lubricant or not, but I know at least that this applies to the latex condoms.
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Old 05-29-2012, 09:25 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

Don't worry about the pain. As you yourself are a virgin, it's not like you're going to last for more than 30 seconds the first few times. It will be painful for her, you just need to go slow. And after having sex every night for a week, she'll be no longer in pain when you have sex. Not a big deal. Just because of the fear of some initial pain, you can't give up one of the most amazing things on earth.

Be confident, be slow in the first 4-5 days, have a good time, and spank that a**.
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Old 05-29-2012, 02:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

I vote silicone lube, MUCH more slippery than water based.

You guys do any fingering at all? Sometimes that can loosen things up. If she has never been penetrated it will be harder (no pun intended).

Also, if you are well hung that can make a difference too.

I have slept with 3 virgins in my lifetime and they were all extremely different. One slipped right in with no pain whatsoever, one was a bit of pain and a some resistance going in, and one girl I couldn't even fit two fingers in before we started, that one was a good bit of pain, and all the rest of it.

Though each time was different, I have fond memories of every one, and in every one of those (long term) relationships, we developed into great lovers.

You are going to be great.

PS - Don't get drunk, tipsy is OK, drunk = pain and anger. You need patience to take it that slow.
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Old 05-29-2012, 06:27 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by rks1 View Post
I like the idea of a kit, as my husband and I have never tried that thus far (as we have used condoms). However, I was just thinking that I should probably tell the OP that oil and condoms don't go together, as oil can make condoms break. So if his wife is on birth control pills, then it would be okay for them to use an oil-based lubricant if they aren't using condoms or barriers. But if condoms are their choice of contraception, then they sure ensure to use a water-based (non-oil) lubricant on the genitals. I am uncertain if any types of condoms can be used with oil-based lubricant or not, but I know at least that this applies to the latex condoms.
D'oh! I meant the Love Liquid, which is water-based.
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Old 05-29-2012, 07:21 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: 1st wedding night sex

Good advice. My first time didn't hurt because we had used our hands on each other previously. I don't even know when my hymen broke.
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