My wife is 8 and a half months pregnant right now, and yes I have limited her workload. She still cooks for me, but there aren't many other things that I let her do. Right now she's with her mom, and I keep visiting her weekly, and so her mother does most of the work at the house. Although the doctor has said that she can move around and be active and do a lot of things, I still prefer that she takes plenty of rest while engaging in enough walking and other activities at the same time.
Women are very delicate when they are pregnant. As the months keep progressing, the baby kicks get harder and harder. She has a lot to deal with on her own with everything, lessening her work is the least a husband can do for his wife.
LOL.
My husband probably would have written the same thing. I know this thread has taken a slightly more personal turn, but Gaia, I know where YOU are coming from and where my husband was coming from.
It's HARD for women with a huge independant streak to be told "sit down princess, you are just SO FRAGILE right now!!!!" and my husband was a little bit of that type. Like, I can get my own glass of water, it will take me a few extra seconds but I can do it. It bothered the crap out of me sometimes that he literally wouldn't let me out of my chair to do simple things. At the same time, I worked my physically demanding job until my hips displaced so badly all I could do was waddle (at around 8 1/2 months) I did prenatal exercise and pretty much tried to be as normal as possible so every "no let me get that" felt like a "no you stupid fragile vessel, sit down and incubate."
He backed off only when I showed him articles and articles that movement and excercise is good for pregnancy and especially labor.
I get where he was coming from too though, it's terrifying for men to know that YOU and YOU alone are the only one who can protect your baby right now, and so to alleviate the worry they want to proterct YOU (YOU who is carrying HIS child.) I like that you guys are hashing it out and will find compromise.
Have you talked to him openly on why he's this way, maybe he hears something at work that has him concerned or something. I don't think he's trying to be mean hun unless there is something you are leaving out.
Yep.. I've talked to him and still am. It's an ongoing process.. and I never indicated he was being mean. I just said it was overwhelming and frusterating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bottled Up
Let me guess... the first two kids were girls and this one is a boy?
Nope.. first two... one girl and one boy.. this ones a girl.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrenchFry
It's HARD for women with a huge independant streak to be told "sit down princess, you are just SO FRAGILE right now!!!!" tried to be as normal as possible so every "no let me get that" felt like a "no you stupid fragile vessel, sit down and incubate."
Yep.. this is pretty much what it feels like lol
I get where he was coming from too though, it's terrifying for men to know that YOU and YOU alone are the only one who can protect your baby right now, and so to alleviate the worry they want to proterct YOU (YOU who is carrying HIS child.) I like that you guys are hashing it out and will find compromise.
Thank you and yep... this is still an ongoing thing... lol and the funny thing is... the babys due june 27th. So... he will probably keep it up till then lol.
You know I'm not a dude but my husband behaved similarly. When I asked him why he said...you're carrying our child and trying to help as much as I can is all I can do.
So what I got from this is...
I love you and recognize that being pregnant is a real change in so many ways so I want to somehow participate and feel like I'm helping and this is the only way I know how.
Was I reading too much into it? Giving him too much credit? Maybe...BUT...you should enjoy it, sop it up. You can only be prego so many times!
You know I'm not a dude but my husband behaved similarly. When I asked him why he said...you're carrying our child and trying to help as much as I can is all I can do.
So what I got from this is...
I love you and recognize that being pregnant is a real change in so many ways so I want to somehow participate and feel like I'm helping and this is the only way I know how.
Was I reading too much into it? Giving him too much credit? Maybe...BUT...you should enjoy it, sop it up. You can only be prego so many times!
If he had given that answer instead of.... "Because I don't want you to..." Or the other answers along those lines.. sure it would be easier to cope with.. because then he is actually explaining something... but more often then not.. he just gives me a short response that seems more demanding then anything. So.. since i hadn't been given a reason.. i looked here to see the responses and possible reasons.
Maybe communication is not his strong suit? Just make crap up and make sure it's really good so that living with a man who doesn't communicate is fun and somewhat less confusing. Come on, we do it to animals all the time on the internet...
Maybe communication is not his strong suit? Just make crap up and make sure it's really good so that living with a man who doesn't communicate is fun and somewhat less confusing. Come on, we do it to animals all the time on the internet...
I didn't say I was mad.. I said i was a bit irritated because i feel he's being a bit too over protective.
I don't think there is such a thing as being too protective towards one's wife and unborn baby.
You wouldn't dream of doing something that you perceived as risky, while you're pregnant.
He simply sees risks where you don't see risks. I think you're just going to have to accept that until the baby is born.
Btw, the reason he responds to you with a terse "Because I don't want you to" may be because he's more than a little annoyed at you for not being as scrupulously careful as he is.
I don't think there is such a thing as being too protective towards one's wife and unborn baby.
Probably not and thank you for sharing that point of view
You wouldn't dream of doing something that you perceived as risky, while you're pregnant.
Of course not and I don't.
He simply sees risks where you don't see risks. I think you're just going to have to accept that until the baby is born.
Accept.. possibly but he will need to respect and understand that after TWO pregnancies.. I'm perfectly capable of knowing what I can and can't do.
Btw, the reason he responds to you with a terse "Because I don't want you to" may be because he's more than a little annoyed at you for not being as scrupulously careful as he is.
Sorry this just made me giggle. Although he is a TAD more careful in SOME aspects.. there are others.. such as not allowing me to simply walk into a store to get some hair ties that I feel are over reacting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover
Yes, he's worried about you. It's a natural instinct to want to protect you.
^^This.. I feel he should have felt BEFORE a THIRD pregnancy and hospital visit but I do understand he's still getting the hang of things so it's alright sometimes.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
^^This.. I feel he should have felt BEFORE a THIRD pregnancy and hospital visit but I do understand he's still getting the hang of things so it's alright sometimes.
I will go back and note that you were hospitalized for this pregnancy and not for the others. However brief and unimportant it might be to you, it likely woke him up as to how pregnancy physically affects you.
Also, any possibility of resentment by you here? You resent that he did not do this for the first two pregnancies, so you are punishing him for doing what you wanted for this one? He changed for the better, so you are mad at that? Not sure, but this is one reading I took from your posts.
How is being a bit annoyed punishing him? No I'm not mad he is changing for the better but sudden changes take me awhile to cope and adapt too and yes I do tend to get a bit annoyed and aggravated if it's something out of the norm and sure i went to the hospital but it was only due to dehydration which was easily fixed. As I stated before.. his behavior.. is a sudden change.. his over reacting tends to set off my anxiety levels which makes the situation more stressful for me then it should have been. In no way does that mean I'm punishing him.. that's just my anxiety and yes I've expressed to him that it's fine to worry and all but he doesn't need to over react. As long as he stays calm about something.. it's fine... but if he doesn't... then it stresses me out and hypes me up which isn't good either. Not sure if I'm wording this right but I do want to make it clear that I don't see how wanting him to be calmer is punishing him.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
^^This.. I feel he should have felt BEFORE a THIRD pregnancy and hospital visit but I do understand he's still getting the hang of things so it's alright sometimes.
This ^^^ I'm stating it would have been nice and helpful if he did express more concern in the last two pregnancies BUT not in the extreme manner he is now and I'm stating that although he didn't... I'm well aware he is changing for the better and I'm coping.
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
Yep.. I've talked to him and still am. It's an ongoing process.. and I never indicated he was being mean. I just said it was overwhelming and frusterating.
Nope.. first two... one girl and one boy.. this ones a girl.
Thank you and yep... this is still an ongoing thing... lol and the funny thing is... the babys due june 27th. So... he will probably keep it up till then lol.
Well it least he cares some guys run away during this time just hang in their it will be okay
__________________
"Feelings get you in relationships quickly, and feelings get you out of relationships quickly. Feelings do not fill in the for the sacrifice and dedication needed to make a relationship work. Feelings get themselves hurt." ~Nsweet~ Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.~DedicatedDad~
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Re: A question for the men of TAM. 
