After many people have quoted this book to handle my problems I finally got a copy and am starting to jump in and try to work any of my own issues.
It's been a long journey and I think this is last saving grace to make things better in my life.
I'll be starting to go through the activities and digging into to make some changes in my life, so I am hoping to start this thread as kind of a support method for me or anyone that is trying to deal with similar issues involved with the book.
I am going to try to look into some local men's groups also, but not sure if I'll be able to afford it at this time. So hopefully this can fulfill a little of this process.
Just wanted to open of the forum. Anybody have experience sharing the book or the process with their significant other? How did they handle it? How did you work together in the process?
The book takes a very male centric approach and I am not sure how my wife would react to me starting to read and follow through with the steps so I am hoping to get some good feedback on it.
I'll try to keep abreast on this as much as possible and discuss the steps I have gone through and hope to open up with others this journey.
I just started reading this book on Monday and in 2 days it has absolutely changed my life for the better. I have chosen not to tell my wife about it yet As Conrad suggested, I am waiting for her to comment on the new "me" before I say anything. She's already noticed the changes and I can see her mentally scratching her head but so far I haven't really gotten any negative feedback, only positive.
I look forward to reading and contributing to this thread as I don't have time for a real support group either.
Definitely do not share the book or the NMMNG website with your wife.
Pretty universally this is the opinion of the men over on the support site. The author missed the mark on this one area, at least from the experiences of many men.
First off, sharing with your wife smacks of looking for her approval. Kind of like a kid running to mom to show her his latest art creation. Let your actions speak for you.
Secondly, many Nice Guys marry dysfunctional women. Marriages can be in a pretty bad place by the time you get to looking for and finding NMMNG. Many men have found that their wives actively undermine their progress when they know of the book. Some women fear a loss of control or who fear the man is simply going to replace her with another woman, and so they use the book against the man. This is the play book, and if you hand it to her she now knows the buttons to push.
Thirdly, your wife is by definition not one of your safe male advisors.
Doc Glover is correct that we should not engage in hiding our real selves. I think that privacy in one's therapy space is acceptable, and I think that the book qualifies as therapy in that regard. I wouldn't hide the book locked in the safe in the basement, but I also would not sit down and explain the book to her.
The book takes a very male centric approach and I am not sure how my wife would react to me starting to read and follow through with the steps so I am hoping to get some good feedback on it.
It takes a very male-centric approach by design.
There is some great stuff in the book. But ... as in most things in life, take what you find valuable, and gauge the rest for yourself.
And I will try to make my position clear ...
I don't believe the primary goal of 'Manning Up' is to give you a better marriage.
The primary goal is to make you a better man ... a man more comfortable with himself, and how he conducts his life.
A consequence of which, is that you may have a better marriage. Another consequence may be that you recognize you have a lousy marriage, and choose to get the hell out.
It isn't about what your wife 'likes'. Nor is it about alienating your wife. She indeed is part of your journey ... but she doesn't share or experience the journey as you will.
I STRONGLY recommend that you do not discuss or share the details of what you are doing. It isn't about keeping secrets. Quite the contrary, it's about maintaining clarity of purpose. And asking your wife to share in a 'male-centric' endeavor is quite likely to backfire on you and muddy the water.
Like others have said I don't think it is important or necessary to share this with your W, but I think the point is to not hide it either. You are doing this for you, not her. I think our tendency is unless we deliberately want to share something we tend to hide it and keep it secret - this is an exhausting way to live and part of the reason we don't have the energy we would like to expend on real relationships.
That book changed my life 3-4 years ago. I didn't share it, or the NG forum with my wife b/c in the past, she's always told me that relationship/marriage books are BS. I would not lie if she asked me about it, but I won't volunteer it. It's my safe place, and I want to let it all hang out over there, without wondering if she's reading my words.
The downside is that with my radical sacking-up changes, it's caused her a lot of anxiety. I've explained to her that I simply took a look at myself, didn't like what I saw, and did a lot of work to become the man I want to be. She can't understand that.
I've explained to her that I simply took a look at myself, didn't like what I saw, and did a lot of work to become the man I want to be. She can't understand that.
This is what I hinted at with my wife today. I was talking to her about how I made plans with a friend to go riding quads and also to go to a friend's party this upcoming weekend for an acoustic jam.
Her reaction was "You're on fire, what's gotten into you?". I simply told her that I needed to make some changes in my life so that I'm a happier person. I work hard, I take care of my family, and I DESERVE IT! I told her that she was welcome to join me for any of these activities, I wasn't doing them to get away from her, I was doing them simply because I WANT to. This is a big departure from the norm of me asking her what SHE wants to do all the time.
This is what I hinted at with my wife today. I was talking to her about how I made plans with a friend to go riding quads and also to go to a friend's party this upcoming weekend for an acoustic jam.
Her reaction was "You're on fire, what's gotten into you?". I simply told her that I needed to make some changes in my life so that I'm a happier person. I work hard, I take care of my family, and I DESERVE IT! I told her that she was welcome to join me for any of these activities, I wasn't doing them to get away from her, I was doing them simply because I WANT to. This is a big departure from the norm of me asking her what SHE wants to do all the time.
She seems to "get" it. <fingers crossed>
That's perfect. Learning to communicate clearly, and effectively with your partner ... IS part of the process.
Maybe this is my 'judging a book by its cover'.. but I have visited (lurked) on the NMMNG forums and it seems that everything I saw was to take chauvinistic approach to "being a better man". Most of the posts I saw were along the lines of .. "this is what I am doing for ME.. deal with it or PISS off, B!tch!"
Maybe there are some good points to ponder in the book... but considering what I saw, it is turning men into the type of man that most people don't like or want to be around. Confidence is paramount, but arrogance is pathetic.
Maybe this is my 'judging a book by its cover'.. but I have visited (lurked) on the NMMNG forums and it seems that everything I saw was to take chauvinistic approach to "being a better man". Most of the posts I saw were along the lines of .. "this is what I am doing for ME.. deal with it or PISS off, B!tch!"
Maybe there are some good points to ponder in the book... but considering what I saw, it is turning men into the type of man that most people don't like or want to be around. Confidence is paramount, but arrogance is pathetic.
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No More Mr. Nice Guy: The Support Thread 
