This is exactly why if my wife ever wants to get a personal trainer in the future, I will insist on same-gender trainers only.
Allowing your spouse to do physical routines with an opposite-gender "body expert" is just straight up foolish. Why would you want your spouse spending hot, sweaty, physical time with someone who has a superior body to yours????
Just my observation. I appears to me, from reading some of these posts daily,that faithful married men are slowly being emasculated.
How on earth does a man hire a Personal Trainer for his wife,and she finds herself in a party ,drunk with the trainer? To add to that , the husband finds himself in a position where he is questioning his sanity and logic based on her deceitfulness ? That is just CRAZY!
Is it that these wayward wives are becoming more manipulative,hateful and deceitful in their dealings in matters regarding their vows vis-à-vis affairs of the heart?
Someone once said, "...Simplicity is the most deceitful mistress that ever betrayed man...." . I wonder what the word "simplicity" mentioned here personifies.
Discovering this TAM site has been a major eye opener for me.
I see this too. There is a lot of fear. Not the urgent kind either. Not the fear that would drive a man to act and ultimately dominate the situation. Those men conquer tehir fear. But rather fear that turns them into something submissive. They are so worried about what other people think. WTF!?
I mean we see those that have wives who are obviously going down a very bad path and they are afraid to do anything about it for fear that the situation might actually be ... innocent. Huh? Who does that?
And ultimately their submissiveness is truning off and encouraging these women to further humiliate their husbands.
I asked her hypothetically if she would break off all contact with him if I asked her to and she said Yes but said she would be mad.
This was too passive. No hypotheticals. You needs to tell her flat out the trainer was history. That you will not live in an opne marraige. BUT she sais yes. End discussion though she said yes. You got the answer you needed. The decisions made.
I presented a compromise that was as such:
1) No social contact outside of training
2) She has 7 or 8 sessions left that she paid for. Her trainer can come over and train both of us together.
3) Once the paid for sessions are done, she finds a new trainer.
Total fail. Why would you present a compromise? You do not compromise with this stuff. No point in weaning someone out of an affair. That dose not work. Who cares about the money? You also do not want to put yourself as the student to this man. This is just another step of a cuckold. Do not do this. He needs to go now.
She reacted extremely negatively towards this and said screw it, it's not worth it, she will just stop training. It would be too embarrassing for her to ask the trainer to train us both at this point in time. And she was really angry that I was trying to control her. She said you people are all crazy and that I am acting crazy and accused me of being on drugs.
Ok, then it is done. Tell her she must maintain no contact with him forever. All the rest of what she said is BS. Better to have a woman who is upset at you becasue she lost her boy toay than a woman who finds it hard to walk because her OM has been pounding her relentlessly. She has likely had sex witu this guy already but if not she will.
We talked for a long time and I'm not sure where we ended up really.
We both pretty much agreed we need counseling. She definitely won't be having social contact with him and she definitely won't be training with him after her current sessions are up.
Again, total fail. Forget the sessions. She must go through withdrawal. You have allowed her time to take this to anither level. Why would you do this?
These are more games.
He is temporarily leaving town for an internship anyway. She may continue training with him privately in my house just to keep the situation civil. We are all in the same social/community circle so if we can get through these next 7 or 8 weeks then it may be worth it to avoid a length amount of awkwardness in the future.
Absurd. You cannot be in a social circle with this guy. Where are your priorities? Where are your boundaries?
Also, she said she discussed this with one of her friends who volunteered to talk to me about it. That friend is not involved in this in anyway and I have a respect for this person so hopefully I can talk to her privately and get a better understanding of my wifes perspective. That women told my wife that she never should have told me I can't go to the city with them so at least she understands my perspective to some degree.
Look, your wife wants to keep her OM. She will do anything to do so. Why would you entertain her freind to intercede here? This is incredibly passive.
Obviously, based on what you have all said, you will tell me I'm being weak.
You know you are. I suspect this is not even real. That you are just jerking us around by being so pathetic about it all. Certainly the way you handle this is unreal. UFB.
That her reaction is further proof she doesn't care about our marriage. I can't disagree with that. You'll also say that she is already probably cheating and that I need to protect myself and collect proof that I can use in case this comes to a divorce. I'm just not there yet. I still love her and trust her and as pathetic as that may be I am still clinging to it.
The issue is that you will not take actions to keep your wife. The longer you play these games the worse it gets. I mena you talk like 7 - 8 weeks is a short time. It is an eternity in these cases. I honestly do not know why a man would allow this to happen and then continue to enable it.
I'm not sure if I am going to continue to update this. I've gotten what I needed from it and while honestly some of you sound a little nutty to me, I really appreciate each and every response.
FWIW, this follows the script of a troll post. Asking for help. Getting advice. Defending the cheater and then saying you will not update because there is something wrong with the people giving the advice. I hope you are just jerking us around because if your situation is in anyway real, you are causing yourself no end of pain. We can only hope this is a hoax for your sake.
This is exactly why if my wife ever wants to get a personal trainer in the future, I will insist on same-gender trainers only.
Allowing your spouse to do physical routines with an opposite-gender "body expert" is just straight up foolish. Why would you want your spouse spending hot, sweaty, physical time with someone who has a superior body to yours????
NEVER!
And it really goes way beyond a trainer being fit. But that does matter a lot. He is a hot guy that pays attention to her. It is a confident man mentoring the woman and praising her continually. She gets his full attention. She gets to tweak her clothing to add to her enjoyment and his for this attention.
There is touching. It can often be very inappropriate. It does not have to be of course. But she will start wanting in her mind for that touch to linger longer and stray a bit. There are ways she can encourage this. i.e. she can trace a part of her body and talk about how sore it is or whatever or that she really felt that movement or that she really like the way her @$$ looks now. Gigggle, giggle. He can pickup on that cue by tracing along those muscles. Heck just supporting a womans neck postition gently with his hands can be very erotic while being plausible.
It is a seduction over time. A breaking down of boundaries. It is PUA. Sometimes it is the woman who is the ones pursuing this. He can always massage her a bit as well to warmup. This allows the PT to tell her how hot and sexy she is. So not just encouragement but a level of banter that is beyond flirting. The woman at some point will respond by praising the trainer and how hot he is. She may then staet compating him to her husband and telling him who superior he is to her husband. That is damage enough for the PT to hear but the ral damage is the affirmations she is making in her own mind.
If this was in an open gym it would be a little harder to do this stuff as opposed in a woman's home. Especially when half the fun is humiliating the husband.
Not a troll post though I can see why you would think that. I didn't mean to offend anyone when I said some of you seem nutty.
My issue is that for years I emotionally neglected my wife. That was the case for most of our marriage. Again, I think it's because of Aspergers and my general inability to communicate well with people. We went to therapy several times to no avail. She cried all the time and it got to the point that I would just ignore her crying because I didn't know how to deal with it emotionally. I couldn't show her love even though I felt it. The only thing that kept us together was our daughter and I guess our fear of divorce.
Lately it has been better. I've been better. More open. More caring. I feel like maybe I'm getting in touch with my emotions. I've felt this way in the past though and gotten my wifes hopes up only to disappoint her when it turned out to be a phase I was going through. My wife is having a hard time adjusting to it. She isn't used to me wanting to control her. Her actions have been wrong, no doubt. She has apologized. She has said she would stop seeing him but I fear that by making her do that immediately that I will just be pushing us apart again at a time when we were just starting to connect. If it comes to a natural end in 7 weeks then that will be easier for her and maybe the progress she and I made over the last few months can continue. I think you all are right about his intentions but I trust that my wife isn't looking to cheat on me. I know some of you say she already has but given our history, I don't see it that way. I know you all think I'm fooling myself.
Also, like it or not, we are all in the same social circle. he is friends with her friends and I've started to become friends with some of the same people. It is an inevitability that we will see each other somewhere in the future.
I'll be honset with you. I am crazy about my wife. And any dude like this who would go after my wife is going to see just how crazy. Sorry, I just am not a passive kinda guy when it comes to the most important person in my life. I suggest you get a little nutty. In your case it might help. Stop being nice to your wife's OM.
Your marriage is not yet your #1 priority. You seem to care an awful lot about the social relationships your wife has with her friends. I personally would make sure this guy would avoid you in he future. To do so you must deal with your wife more firmly. This OM should want to avoid your wife.
You are really being too passive here. And if you will be seeing this guy in the future you being passive is the worst thing you could possibly be.
As you should know, being centered and being passive are not the same thing.
Osu. Show this attitude in defense of your marriage. Think Bushido. The wise man knows when to show restraint and when to unleash himself. At the moment your honor is being compormised. Another man is taking your wife in your face. This is not about pride. It is about honor, dignity and duty.
The integrity of your marriage has been breached. It is your duty to defend and repair this. Your dignity has been challenged. This is not honorable. Your wife has lost her honor. It is your duty to stop this before her honor is further lost. She needs your help to do so. Tough love.
Don't control. Dominate.
She has told me that there is no touching in their workouts and given the type of lifting they do I believe it. They do some pretty intense stuff. My wife is strong and they do serious workouts. It's not what you would typically think of when it comes to a woman working out. They do heavy squats, deadlifts,etc.
Also, as I train in martial arts, I sometimes find myself grappling with females in the gym. That is full on body to body contact in every position you can imagine. We are clothed in a Gi of course. There is nothing sexual about it. My wife has never had an issue with this. So I can kind of understand how touching if it were to occur can be incidental. Mind you, given what has happened recently, I definitely wouldn't want there to be touching. But a year ago, before I heard the gorgeous comment and became insecure, I wouldn't have had as much of a problem with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Entropy3000
And it really goes way beyond a trainer being fit. But that does matter a lot. He is a hot guy that pays attention to her. It is a confident man mentoring the woman and praising her continually. She gets his full attention. She gets to tweak her clothing to add to her enjoyment and his for this attention.
There is touching. It can often be very inappropriate. It does not have to be of course. But she will start wanting in her mind for that touch to linger longer and stray a bit. There are ways she can encourage this. i.e. she can trace a part of her body and talk about how sore it is or whatever or that she really felt that movement or that she really like the way her @$$ looks now. Gigggle, giggle. He can pickup on that cue by tracing along those muscles. Heck just supporting a womans neck postition gently with his hands can be very erotic while being plausible.
It is a seduction over time. A breaking down of boundaries. It is PUA. Sometimes it is the woman who is the ones pursuing this. He can always massage her a bit as well to warmup. This allows the PT to tell her how hot and sexy she is. So not just encouragement but a level of banter that is beyond flirting. The woman at some point will respond by praising the trainer and how hot he is. She may then staet compating him to her husband and telling him who superior he is to her husband. That is damage enough for the PT to hear but the ral damage is the affirmations she is making in her own mind.
If this was in an open gym it would be a little harder to do this stuff as opposed in a woman's home. Especially when hale the fun is humiliating the husband.
Your latest interaction with your wife was a test. When she pushed on the compromise stuff you were supposed to hold your ground. Instead, you caved. Thus, you failed the test.
She has told me that there is no touching in their workouts and given the type of lifting they do I believe it. They do some pretty intense stuff. My wife is strong and they do serious workouts. It's not what you would typically think of when it comes to a woman working out. They do heavy squats, deadlifts,etc.
Also, as I train in martial arts, I sometimes find myself grappling with females in the gym. That is full on body to body contact in every position you can imagine. We are clothed in a Gi of course. There is nothing sexual about it. My wife has never had an issue with this. So I can kind of understand how touching if it were to occur can be incidental. Mind you, given what has happened recently, I definitely wouldn't want there to be touching. But a year ago, before I heard the gorgeous comment and became insecure, I wouldn't have had as much of a problem with it.
All this is just added drama. She needs to go NC with this guy. It really is that simple. It is not about Squats or Deadlifts. Focus. He needs to go now.
Lose your fear. Fear smothers the man beneath. If you do your insecurities will vanish. Your fear put you in this situation. You are in a fight right now.
use what you know about fighting in ths situation. It is just that this fight matters much. So do not play with this. You must run this opponent off or destroy him.
BTW, spotting on Squats can be quite an intimate embrace. I don;t giggle a whole lot when I train. I am too focused. It would sound more like having sex if anything.
Watch this video and imagine how one could use this to cop some feels that are inappropriate. -> Spotting For Squats
There are other examples of course on many different exercises.
She should have gone with a serious female PT. They are not as rare as they used to be.
He covers how to spot for a female bacause ... it matters. Otherwise one is cupping her breasts. So this more serious form of lifting also comes with more and not less touching.
They are basically doing Crossfit stuff doing correct form or correcting bad form in itself requires some touching. Why would they need to be laughing during weight lifting? I honestly found it a little offensive how you come on here asking for advice (you have to realize your always going to be extreme advice because of experiences) and when we put time, effort and try to help you call some of us a little nutty? Just kind of confused considering you came to us for advice... At any rate some of these men might be right in some aspects. I am a woman I don't like being Controlled and make it a point to make sure my marriage there is no power struggle. There has to be respect on both sides. I believe both parties should be allowed to discussed things their views and make a comprimised decision that they can live with...But that goes out the window when it comes to the opposite sex etc.. There are just some things that are a no go. Have you guys ever make marriage proof rules...?
You are worried she is in an EA maybe PA with her trainer.
He has confronted you about you not trusting her. Hello, so obviously there has been talk by her to him about your feelings and whining about their relationship. So you know she has had occasion and situations where she has talked with him about her-him and you. Think, just where during the workout this would happen? It wouldn't. It would only happen while they were talking about him and her.
So you talked to her. Instead of respecting your feelings, and working to strengthen your bond, she calls you controlling.
Then she negotiates 7 more weeks of continued contact with him. Oh, and he is still in the social group so the next time the GFs so for a night on the town,he'll be welcomed to join, but likely not you.
He's not gone. She not giving him up, and she has forestalled your next attempt to break them up by 7 weeks.
Not winning.
Please listen to the advice here. You really need to know what they are saying to each other. Ge those VARs in place immediately. In the car and in the workout area.
It would aso be telling how long after your talk before she ran to call or text him. If is immediately you know that their relationship is way inappropriate and her priority. Posted via Mobile Device
The laughter is the result of the way they talk to each other and the way he motivates her. He calls her a ***** if she can't do a lift and she tells him to F off and then they laugh about it. That probably sounds bad. Certainly in light of what has been said here it sounds unprofessional on the trainers part but since it was also a described to me as a platonic friendship I thought it was not a problem.
Like I said, sorry about the nutty comment. I wasn't prepared for the responses I got. I was originally just wondering if you all could let me know if you thought this guy had bad intentions. I wasn't expecting the comments about my wife. I scanned the posts on here before posting this but I'm by no means a regular. I created my account just for this post. It caught me off guard. Everything does apparently.
We've never made marriage proof rules nor have I ever heard of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sculley
They are basically doing Crossfit stuff doing correct form or correcting bad form in itself requires some touching. Why would they need to be laughing during weight lifting? I honestly found it a little offensive how you come on here asking for advice (you have to realize your always going to be extreme advice because of experiences) and when we put time, effort and try to help you call some of us a little nutty? Just kind of confused considering you came to us for advice... At any rate some of these men might be right in some aspects. I am a woman I don't like being Controlled and make it a point to make sure my marriage there is no power struggle. There has to be respect on both sides. I believe both parties should be allowed to discussed things their views and make a comprimised decision that they can live with...But that goes out the window when it comes to the opposite sex etc.. There are just some things that are a no go. Have you guys ever make marriage proof rules...?
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Re: Jealous for the first time 
