Divorced Dudes Dating
I may end up pulling this thread in a few days, have been thinking about posting it ... and based on an experience tonight, decided to move forward with it.
I recognize that I am much further down the road than many of the male posters that come here either trying to save failing marriages, or recover after the marriage has ended. I started way back in 08, and at that time was hoping for reconciliation. That didn't happen.
I became involved much too soon after splitting with the ex. It cratered spectacularly, in a sense it was very much like an affair.
Then took more than a year off. Rediscovered myself, realigned many of my behaviors, read about dating, and then basically put myself on ebay for people ... online dating.
Tonight I'm sitting in my local sushi joint, having dinner. There is a first date going on behind me. Couple is around my age, mid to late 40's. I am fascinated by the exchange and what is being discussed.
And at the risk of sounding arrogant (which when it comes down to it, I'm ok with) ... was also glaringly obvious to me why so many guys just suck at dating.
Was thinking to myself; "No way this guy gets a second date."
They were discussing Match.com and online dating in general ... par for the course if you can't find anything more interesting to talk about. It certainly is something that you share in common with your date
This guy loved to talk about himself. Moreover, many of the questions he asked her were nothing more than a foil for him wanting to tell a story about himself ... relating to the question he asked her. Was comical.
And then they decided to go down the rat-hole of talking about their dating history ... and their ex's.
For the benefit of my brethren who find themselves single by choice, or decree ... here is what I have learned about dating.
- Don't discuss your ex's on a first date. It's simply wrong. It utterly defeats the purpose of learning about the person in front of you.
If she asks "So what happened?" Be concise. "We tried to make it work. Eventually acknowledged that we couldn't. It was unfortunate, but we've both moved on. How's your drink?"
Redirect. Don't go into detail. Don't bash your ex-spouse. Doesn't make anyone look good.
I have dated ... a lot. Dating was a big change for me, as for the past 32 years, I've basically been a serial monogamist. Really don't have anything bad to say about any of them. Even the one offs, and ones that didn't work out.
Has been an extraordinarily positive experience for me.
Fell very deep, very fast, for one woman ... and like a roman candle it burned bright, and then flamed out, very quickly. And most importantly? It didn't break me. Put me in that same circumstance a decade ago, and I would have been heartbroken. Instead ... now ... I had 2 new dates lined up in less than a week. If only some of you had known me for the last 20 years, you would recognise the magnitude of the changes in my conduct and character.
I'm curious to know if others here have made the transition, or are thinking about making the transition from their self-concept of being devoted to that ONE woman, whom is no longer part of their life ... to seeing that there are MANY women looking to find their way in singledom as well.
We'll see how this goes ... may just be the sake talking on my part