So my wife asks me yesterday if I minded her going away with my daughter and a family friend for 4 days up to a farm in Virginia this coming weekend. My first reaction was anger because I had asked her to plan a trip for our anniversary 2 weeks ago and she never did.
But then I thought about it...this coming Friday is the 1 year anniversary of her mom's death. She feels as though a change of scenery might help her get through the weekend w/o drinking herself into oblivion. Also, she actually said that she wants to get her chit together after this as it's been a year and it's time for her to move on!
She would be spending 4 days on a farm with NO electricity, barely any cell phone reception, no A/C, and she would have to WORK feeding the animals as would my daughter. They'll have to get up before sunrise and will likely be in bed at sundown. Considering they're both spoiled ROTTEN I think it will be a wonderful eye opener for both of them.
One caveat, the family friend is male. He was down and out a few years ago and stayed with us for almost a year to try and get back on his feet. He now has a great job, his own place, and is doing well. I'm not jealous at ALL by nature, I'm quite confident in the fact that I treat my wife VERY well. If she thinks she can find more happiness elsewhere, by all means there's the door! In fact if I found out that she had cheated on me with him, I would probably laugh all the way to the attorney's office. I don't believe he would do that to me anyway as we are friends.
I also started thinking of all the things I would get accomplished w/o her this weekend as well as all the different places I've been asked by friends to go to. While we go out often on the weekends (I play in a band), we usually only get to 1-2 places that she prefers. I on the other hand, get bored easily and like to galavant all over if I'm not playing.
I think the time apart is going to be wonderful for us, or at least for me.
Joe, I don't like it at all, but that's me. My wife with another man, over night, no communication, no electric, while she is trying to get over a depressing event. Why not with me??? This comforting event should shared with me, not another man. That slope is too slippery for me.
I can understand your mind set that if she cheats, she cheats and there's nothing you can do about it. But I wouldn't be party to to her being in a situation where something could happen. I know my wife wouldn't either and she'd be disappointed if I'd allowed it. Those are our boundaries. I'm not jealous, I'm protective.
Joe, I don't like it at all, but that's me. My wife with another man, over night, no communication, no electric, while she is trying to get over a depressing event. Why not with me??? This comforting event should shared with me, not another man. That slope is too slippery for me.
I can understand your mind set that if she cheats, she cheats and there's nothing you can do about it. But I wouldn't be party to to her being in a situation where something could happen. I know my wife wouldn't either and she'd be disappointed if I'd allowed it. Those are our boundaries. I'm not jealous, I'm protective.
Hope she finds peace with her Mom's passing.
My daughter will be there as well, the other part of this that I forgot to mention is that my wife wants to get her away from her stupid boyfriend for a while. Daughter is 17 and has been dating this LOSER for well over a year now. He's lazy, selfish, and needy, they fight constantly, and nothing would make us happier than to see her move on. My wife thinks a change of scenery would do her some good as well and I agree.
Point taken to being a party to something happening, but where do you draw the line with this mindset? I'm not home all day and she is, if they had something going on they could very easily pull it off while I was at work anyway. Same goes for when my band is playing, I'm so absorbed in entertaining the crowd that they could be in the parking lot doing whatever and I'd never know.
If my daughter wasn't going, I'd have to voice opposition, even though I wouldn't be worried about it, it wouldn't look good for me to condone it. This would be a boundary as you stated.
Thanks for the kind words about her mom, they were very close. Watching her succumb to lung cancer was very tough to watch.
And why aren't you invited to go? Posted via Mobile Device
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo
Its a great idea ... if you go too.
If she doesnt want you going, you have bigger problems than you think.
Not suggesting shes cheating, but what is clear if she doesnt want you around ... Is that she doent want you around...
She absolutely did invite me right off the bat, I declined. My band has a show Friday night and I have a big meeting at work on Tuesday morning, it wouldn't be worth it for the little time I'd be able to spend there especially since they're driving up and it's 14+ hours each way.
If she had specifically stated she didn't want me to go, red flags would go up all over!!!
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
I would relish the time alone and be thrilled that my wife and daughter were getting a chance to bond. As for the family friend, sounds like a non-issue; there's no sneakiness and the daughter is there.
Regardless, why is HE going at all? She wouldn't plan a trip with you, but she plans a trip with him when you can't go? Hello?
She suggested waiting until after my show on Friday night to go but she didn't know about my Tuesday meeting so I don't think there's ulterior motives involved.
It's his friend that owns the farm, he was the one going up in the first place. He asked if anyone in our family wanted to go with him.
The part about not planning a trip with me DID piss me off at first and I let her know it too. At first she started making excuses but then apologized for not planning anything. It was right after that when she burst into tears and told me she wanted a change of scenery this weekend because of the anniversary of her mom's death.
Hmm, now that I typed that I wonder if the water works were cued?
The first time you let a Fox into your henhouse, you not only train the Fox, you train the Hens.
You are sending a clear message to her, regardless of what she intends.
If the hen and the fox got together, I would laugh my way all the way to the courthouse as stated.
Remember this guy LIVED with us for a year. The shenanigans would've happened already. I also don't believe she finds him attractive, he's shorter than her (which she doesn't like) and is way too needy. She has also tried repeatedly to hook him up with her friends and recently divorced cousin, the latter is still in the works and just might work out.
I'm at a crossroads in my relationship, it needs to either improve dramatically or go away. Either is acceptable to me at this point.
She suggested waiting until after my show on Friday night to go but she didn't know about my Tuesday meeting so I don't think there's ulterior motives involved.
It's his friend that owns the farm, he was the one going up in the first place. He asked if anyone in our family wanted to go with him.
The part about not planning a trip with me DID piss me off at first and I let her know it too. At first she started making excuses but then apologized for not planning anything. It was right after that when she burst into tears and told me she wanted a change of scenery this weekend because of the anniversary of her mom's death.
Hmm, now that I typed that I wonder if the water works were cued?
That was my first thought. Does she use emotion to get what she wants? My wife's reaction would have been to use anger, but that's her M.O.
Here's the thing. Even if this trip is innocent, your wife is emotionally fragile right now. Your relationship is on rocky ground. He's a single male. Etc, etc, etc.
I would relish the time alone and be thrilled that my wife and daughter were getting a chance to bond. As for the family friend, sounds like a non-issue; there's no sneakiness and the daughter is there.
After my initial anger, this was the mindset I took, I'm actually looking forward to the time alone and hopeful that my daughter and wife will enjoy their time together.
My daughter being there is kinda mandatory, I wouldn't be happy if it were just him and my wife. I trust them, but it just doesn't look good IMO.
That was my first thought. Does she use emotion to get what she wants? My wife's reaction would have been to use anger, but that's her M.O.
Here's the thing. Even if this trip is innocent, your wife is emotionally fragile right now. Your relationship is on rocky ground. He's a single male. Etc, etc, etc.
No way I'm letting this happen.
I do see your point Drover. She occasionally will use her emotions as a tool but not often. In this case, she literally burst out crying so she'd be up for an academy award if it were faked.
As I said, I'm content for my relationship to go one way or the other but it needs to go SOMEWHERE other than its current state. This could be a shove in either direction and that's ok with me.
I'm curious if she's actually going to go or not. We were talking about it and I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of those two spoiled princesses getting up at dawn to do physical labor all day. I told her exactly that and I started to see apprehension in her face.
I've talked to a couple of my buddies this morning and they're psyched to hang out with me this weekend. She doesn't ever begrudge me hanging out with my friends, but I tend to spend weekends with her more often than not, most likely for the prospect of sex. That being said, it will do me good to spend some time with the boys and I kinda hope she does in fact go.
This might sound awfully selfish but I don't relish the idea of spending the weekend with her while she's depressed over her mom. I know she will drink herself stupid and while that will guarantee me sex, it's not healthy for her and our relationship.
12Likes
First I was angry, then I thought about it 
I don't believe he would do that to me anyway as we are friends.
That being said, it will do me good to spend some time with the boys and I kinda hope she does in fact go.
