Accipiter777

The only number I care about is the number 1. Thats after we met.

Machiavelli

If your H knew your number before he married you, he should just shut up. My guess is that he's working on you to give him permission to even the score.

that_girl

I don't underreport. Hubs is lucky number 9. Not bad for being 36.

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Zippy the chimp

Through recent experience I will tell you don't worry about your spouse's number of partners before you were married or together, worry about that one person out there who is trying to add to your spouses number right now.

Peachy Cat

Early on in our "reunited" relationship, my BF told me he did not want to know my number. I think it was just so he wouldn't have to own up to his! LOL.

We were each others' firsts (not counting my childhood bad experience) and then we went on to marry others and live lives apart for 27 years. I don't think either of us are particularly high, though. Mine is 7 (includes 2 marriages, 2 somewhat long term relationships, 1 ONS, my abuser, and my BF). I only know of 3 for him (his ex-wife, an ex-girlfriend, and me). He has hinted at a ONS and at least one somewhat long term relationship. I'll never know because I will never ask

Numb in Ohio

I didn't marry until I was 34. I was promiscuous as a teenager because of sexual abuse. So my number was considerably high.

My H "says" his is only like 5... I'm his 3rd marriage now,, and he's only been single for 2 1/2years since he graduated in 81..

What he failed to tell me until our recent issue... was some of the women he slept with, he had slept with multiple times during his marriages... he cheated on his wives with his ex's...... guess that would keep anyones numbers down now wouldn't it...??

Entropy3000

The number, type and quality of relationships is important to some in choosing a lifetime marriage partner. Obviously age plays a role in this.

At the extreme some guys want a party girl and some guys do not. Primarily it is about compatibility. Many men do not want a woman with low self respect. It is one thing to mature over time and gain that respect and it is another to treat having sex like going to starbucks. To each their own but that is just it. Folks have a right to care.

Me personally if you are in your early 20s and do not know your number or cannot name their names then you are probably not someone I would have been interested in marrying. This would have been evident likely through other ways as well. Value system. That said, even now I would not be interested in a woman who did not have some reasonably finite number of serious partners through her lifetime since those early years.

I have a right to feel about it any way I want. So do others.

I wonder how the number tracks or does not track with those people who insist on having a large number of opposite sex friends while married. How would a spouse know how many of these people were ex lovers?

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Caribbean Man

Finally!
A logical answer on a serious matter.
The older a person is,and the longer they took before committing to one partner will impact on their number of partners. That is quite understandable.

But I refuse to accept that any young " lady " under the age of let's say 25 yrs should have a list of former sexual partners resembling a grocery bill. Of course,in this matter,society is hypocritical,because the same doesn't apply for men. But women and men place different values on sex.
Basically,the more value a woman places on her body / self respect ,the harder it is for the" entire football team " or any random guy to get any body part /appendage of theirs into any one of her body orifices.
So if it does not matter to a man,then that's his choice and should be respected.He will have to live with the consequence of that.
If a guy says it matters,then that is also his choice,and should also be respected. He can be sure the consequence of which is more palatable to live with.

Entropy3000

I would not be interested in any woman who would continually be able to compartmentalize sex from an emotional relationship. So the it is just sex attitude would be a deal breaker for me. I would allow for the maturing process. There was a time in my younger years "any woman in the world could have know me better -- Mr. Soul". But I outgrew that prior to the age when a man is supposed to reach maturity. This is supposed to be well beyond in years from a woman. But I digress.

Choosing a wife is not like hiring someone at the local mall. It is not even like having a friend or respect for a colleague.

If women wish to choose this way then all fine and good for them. I could care less about folks wanting to enjoy recreational sex. But I would be wary of a woman who continually seeks out strange as a life's quest.

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MyselfAgain

Just wanted to add that Kinsey died in 1956. Though his research was groundbreaking at the time and is incredibly important to the sexual revolution, the numbers cited earlier in this thread are likely 70-80 years old. I would imagine that the real averages are higher now.
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Entropy3000

For sure. Birth control. Teenage sex is very accepted these days. Kids are having sex much earlier and more often. We can see the agenda to reduce any stigma related to having a larger number of partners especially for women.

I still think that there are groupings of those who by the age of say 30 have a single digit number, those less than twenty, those between 20 to maybe 50 and then above. Like any use of numbers it is a continuum of course with all sorts of combinations of type and quality.

The number itself is not the only factor. I mean it would be kinda creepy for someone to have a number of 8 and they all be ONS. Also hard to have a number of 50 and claim they were mostly LTRs.

I suggest whatever the number how one hooks up might be of interest. A person who hooks up via craigslist may be desirable for some but definitely not for many others. A partier who goes clubbing year after year and hooks up often racking up the numbers is certainly someone who is pursuing happiness and has every right to do so. One might surmise however that they would be most compatible with someone who has been doing the same and not a good partner for some Beta guy who will be watching the kids while his wife is out clubbing. This is about probabilities though.

Sure it also matters whether a person has the ability to just flat change their life style when they marry.

More important than sheer number is the persons propensity to bend boundaries in a relationship. Are they a cheater or someone who lies about thier past?

There is something to be said for marrying someone who has proved they can stay in a long term relationship and remain faithful. There are no garantees in life for sure. But we can only make judegments on what we know about a person. We are very much blinded though by our brain chemicals. Meaning if we are in love we may decide to roll the dice.

A smaller number though may be compatible with hypergamy. Just to show another viewpoint. A woman could have a number of say 5 and have been married twice before each time climbing the economic and social ladder. This woman may after a while at social gatherings become more interested in the son of the owner of the company you work for as an example.

Also how often do we see high school sweethearts marry and both being each others first and then one of the spouses claim they never had a chance to date other people?

Ultimately this is something one absolutely needs to deal with BEFORE marriage. Now if the information upfront was less than truthful then you flat married someone willing to lie about it. That is a whole other discussion.

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Goldmember357

still telling you higher number means increased chance for divorce across the board its true most of the time.

divorce rate is only going to rise as well i assure you that.

JoeRockStar

Don't know, don't care. The past is the past.

My wife knew about my countless escapades prior to meeting me, she was warned by others that I was a "player". We met at the perfect time, I was VERY tired of bed hopping and wanted to settle down.

In_The_Wind

You know the 80s where pretty wild until the time magazine cover on herpes came out
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bkaydezz

i have always been told not to talk about it. but i think if you are in a relationship there should be nothing to keep if asked. but nowwww haha i may just agree with that!